WWYD without making it obvious

[The20somethingmummy]

A family member has recently started working in DS year 2 class three days a week as part of placement from a course she is doing in school. She will do this for the year.

DS has a new teacher this year, as in new to the school and so I have not yet met her. Last Thursday DS came home and seemed down. When I asked he stated he had been told off for wearing the wrong kit (my fault I had the days wrong as did other parents) He was basically in PE kit on the wrong day and hardly affected his education etc.

The family member also mentioned the incident to me and he was upset that DS was looking at him for help and he could do nothing. I wouldn't except him too BTW he's there to work not be family, although I appreciated his concern.

I have spoken to the Head about the incident which was my fault but now my husband is saying I shouldn't have as it will get family member in trouble.
I didn't mention family member although they know that DS is related.

There are other staff members that I also know out of school who have or do teach my children and they will discuss my children with me so I don't feel I've done anything wrong by showing concern , but WWYD?

coconuttelegraph
I see what you mean. Never is a strong word. I think my preferred phrasing would be that school staff should exchange no more than polite pleasantries out of school.

The place I used to work had a lot of catchment gossiping and parents fuelling drama so even a TA making a casual comment could cause issues:

Eg
Parent: How's DC in English? He's been having a really crap time with the new teacher.
TA (who is friends): Doing really well. They're not the only one finding it hard.

Actually that day in a lesson their DC had kicked off in english, been defiant etc and Mum was being called in for a meeting but school were still trying to make contact

Meeting happens and in the meeting mum argues the teacher is bullying their child because they know their child is doing well and behaving. But before the meeting, mum has already been on WhatsApp or Facebook courting opinion of the teacher who some students aren't a fan of. So now there's half a dozen students who have angry parents knowing they will be backed if they claim the teacher bullies them

(Variation suitably anonynised from a real situation)

I really don't understand the concept of "I choose x so my child shouldn't be punished for it." You know the rules. By enrolling your child in the school, you are agreeing to adhere to the rules. If they get disciplined for having the wrong kit and you provided it, it's on you. We all make mistakes, but the only appropriate response is "So sorry you got told off, DC, we'll make sure we double check your uniform days."

My DD has misplaced a piece of equipment that she must carry at all times. Her options are a) find it or b) ask the deputy head of year for a replacement and take the consequence. I've told her that it's a shame that it's lost, but that's the rules.

Teaching our children that sometimes things go wrong and it's ok to be told off/ corrected is a really good for their resilience skills.

I wouldn't expect a teacher to start a serious discussion (e.g. bullying, serious educational concerns etc) in a social situation but an off hand comment about a child e.g. "Harry was telling me all about dinosaurs the other day - doesn't he love them" or "Jenny's been so sweet showing the new girl around the school" is fine.

@Lougle

Don't be ridiculous. It's stupid to tell a child off for something a parent got wrong. It will make the child upset for something outside of their control and it also unfairly penalises kids with chaotic family lives. Anyone with any sense could tell you that.

Student should have declared relationship when arranging the placement and again when allocate that class. Did they?

For a student I would have warned them about confidentiality. Reported the incident to their tutor.

If it happened again they would be asked to leave the school.

To add: the student would ahem completed and induction which would have covered expectations including confidentiality.