8 Year Old Struggling at School!

[Mum2386]

Hi, I’m hoping someone can offer me some advice. My 8 year old son is in his second week of Year 4. His teacher approached me today at the end of the day in the playground and said she was very concerned about my son’s concentration and asked if I could go into the school to discuss it. She said his lack of work isn’t good enough and that he will be sitting next to her during his time in the class, he also lost his break because he hasn’t completed a sufficient amount of work. She explained to me that she doesn’t have time to help him all the time, as she has 30 other children to teach and that he’s not young anymore and he’s growing up, so needs to become more independent in his work. Her general approach to the situation was quite abrupt and I didn’t like the fact she spent 5 minutes putting my son down infront of me. It is a fairly disruptive class and at full-capacity. I know he needs to complete his work but I felt the way she went about it wasn’t the right way. I left feeling that my son was a burden and it’s really upset me. I don’t know where to go now, or even what my next steps are, or how I could help him at home to help him at school. Does anyone have any advice please?

Thank you!

It does sound as if she's quite blunt, but dealing with it.

Did you have any issues last year at school and how is his reading and maths?

I'd start by getting his eyes and hearing checked. They only do a very basic eye check at school and you can get one free at any high street opticians. If you have concerns about hearing you can ask your GP for a referral for a check.

What does he say? What does he find easy/hard at school? Why does he think he is having problems concentrating.
It may be something as simple as he's sitting next to someone very noisy and is a bit shy and unsure what to do.

If you do have any concerns ask for the SENCO to sit in with the meetings and discuss with her as well.

Is there any reason why you feel he isn't completing the work?

Lack of sleep?
Bored/lazy/uninterested?
Medical challenges?
Peer pressure?

If this is the first instance where the teacher has been abrupt like this, then I'd let it slide but watch closely to see how she works with you to try and get your son on board. She's taken some steps to try and get him focused, so now I think you should try to do the same. DS' progress is what matters here.

Oh dear! Have you an appointment to go in to discuss? I agree I think she could have gone about it in a better way, but I'm sure she just wants to get the best out of your son. I would suggest going in to find out exactly what is the issue and how you can work together to resolve it, trying (although I can see it would be difficult) not to go in all guns blazing. I speak as someone who is aware their son (y5) could do with being more focused in class and I try and point out to him how hard it can be for the teacher - especially as he is in a split year class.
What does your son think about how things are going?

After speaking to my son, he said he found the work hard and had said he had put his hand up various times and she wasn’t always willing to help him, I know she’s encouraging independence, he had struggled with reading comprehension in his previous year. Clearly it’s a large class and it’s hard for the teacher to try and help everyone within the class, which is understandable. I just don’t want to make my son feel bad about something which he finds difficult and in affect make him anxious about school, which may hinder him even more. I have emphasised the importance of listening at home, I don’t know if there’s any activities or anything else I could do at home to help support my son at school. He had TA support in Year 3 and she had said how much more focused he was in a small group and he was able to complete the work more easily, whereas in his class of 30, he found it much harder.

This is going to sound harsh - but I think you need to back the teacher here. She may have sounded blunt and abrupt but clearly she thinks he’s capable of a lot more than he’s showing/doing at the moment. If it was my DC I would say to the teacher to send the work home if it wasn’t completed and there would be consequences at home for refusing to work/getting distracted and taking ages to get it done. He may have found work ‘easier’ with a TA, but that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of working independently - it just requires more effort, and from the sound of it he’s not keen on putting the effort in. I think you backing the teacher is essential in making him realise that challenging himself and putting the effort it is part of learning (perhaps all that time spent in small groups and working with a TA didn’t do him any favours).

I’ve never stated that I haven’t backed the teacher, I just don’t think she’s gone the right way about it. It’s the second week into Year 4 and generally the transition takes time. He’s not being disruptive, or distracted, he has said he finds the work challenging himself and his teacher even said to me she doesn’t have time to help him all the time, as she has 30 children to teach, which is understandle but if he doesn’t understand his work and there’s no one there to help, then hoe else is he expected to complete his work. Also I would never punish him at home for not completing his work to the teachers standards, I already stated she had kept him behind to allow him more time to finish his work. He is only 8, he is still a young child, not all children work at the same pace or same ability. I have an older child who excels at school but one that struggles, so as I stated I’m looking for support in how to help him at home, to make things easier at school for him.

As pp said, get his vision and hearing checked, whether or not you think there is a problem. Children are not aware of how well they should be able to see and hear so won't mention there being any problem and often compensate in non-formal situations so the adults don't pick up until they struggle with very specific tasks, as required in school.

Then ask for a meeting with the class teacher and senco.
Ask what exactly are the difficulties, what is being put in place at school, and what you should be doing at home to support him.

Maybe previous teachers have tried to tell you there is a problem but you haven't fulling picked up on what they are saying, hence the teacher being quite direct so you get the message.

Why do I need to get the message that he’s struggling to concentrate, it’s a problem present at school not at home, yes I can enforce the message that it’s important to sustain his concentration but I can’t do more than that. Why would a teacher be afraid to tell a parent that they had concerns previously, if they’re not honest, then how are we supposed to even know there’s a problem, it also doesn’t make them very good teachers in my opinion, if they can’t approach a parent and raise any concerns.

You said in your OP that the teacher is concerned with his concentration - that lead me to believe he was letting himself get distracted, not that the work was too difficult. If he is finding the work too hard then I would ask the teacher for more details and see how you can help him catch up with his learning at home. But in my experience a sensible teacher wouldn’t keep a child behind at break for work they didn’t understand or found too hard - they would keep them behind though for not putting in effort and choosing not to concentrate. I think your son needs your support in understanding how to embrace and deal with challenges and apply himself - but you seem quite preoccupied with making things ‘easier’ for him and he may have picked up on this. School work isn’t supposed to be ‘easy’, you can’t learn that way (challenging children is important - and schools do sometimes miss out on ‘good’ OFSTED judgements partly for not challenging children appropriately).

I haven’t been preoccupied in making things easier for him, it’s the first time the teacher has spoken to me about it, he’s only been in his new school year for nearly 2 weeks. I want to support him if he is struggling to concentrate and complete his work. The teacher said herself the class size was big and she hasn’t always got the time to help everyone, that means if the child doesn’t understand a question, then they will not be given the help to enable them to complete a satisfactory amount of work. It’s like asking someone that wasn’t a mechanic, why they didn't fix my car because they didn’t know how to do it...

You’re also assuming that because my son stayed behind it’s because he didn’t put any effort in but if the teacher can’t always help him, then he’s not able to put effort into something he doesn’t understand.

Sounds like she was very blunt with it which has got your back up somewhat (which is natural). I had this with one of mine's Reception teacher who was very blunt and I came away really feeling mentally "ouch" at several points at the start of the school year. She turned out to be absolutely the most superb teacher who really did get DD and is one of these people who are brilliant in front of a class of kids but not as good at the adult thing - and I have the utmost respect for her and still get on very well with her a few years later.

It's the start of the year - they're still figuring out which aspects of work not being completed is because the child can't do it and which aspects are because they're distracted/disengaged/would rather go sharpening their pencil 50 times to avoid writing the date... if it continues it's worth discussing it further and standing your ground if you still have concerns but this time in the year I'd just mentally file it away as something to keep an eye on. I'm saying all of this as someone who has a child who is really really struggling to settle into KS2 herself and I'm taking the same line myself so I'm not just preaching out of my backside here. Getting the kids to try out a solution with things like dictionaries or concrete maths apparatus, and discuss how to do something they're stuck on with their learning partner before asking the teacher is a fairly standard approach though.

You’re also assuming that because my son stayed behind it’s because he didn’t put any effort in but if the teacher can’t always help him, then he’s not able to put effort into something he doesn’t understand.

Yes but then why did she keep him behind? My point is that children don’t usually miss their break because they didn’t understand something (unless they were actively choosing not to listen) - that would be incredibly unfair. So if you’re saying he’s being punished because the teacher hasn’t differentiated the work properly and given him something to do that is much to difficult for him and he can’t understand then that’s a whole different problem.

I really feel for you op, my 8 year old boy is struggling too. I knew that because he'd told me, so I asked to speak to the teacher and she confirmed that he's having trouble completing work and fully understanding tasks, though she (and I) think this is a confidence issue more than a question of ability. I asked her what I could do to support his learning and we've agreed she'll provide the class worksheets that he's struggled with in class so that we can go over them at home; I've also employed a maths and an English tutor (I realise that might not be an option for you) to come after school twice a week to help catch him up. It doesn't sound as though the teacher had been terribly helpful at telling you what you can do to help, she's just raised the issue but not offered something constructive. Perhaps she wanted to know your thoughts? You might want to go back and ask if she'd be able to provide a curriculum overview for this term and maybe some of the class worksheets so that you and your son can go over things together at his own pace. It's good that she's noticed he's struggling and told you about it. I really sympathise, it's so hard to know they're struggling.

So if you’re saying he’s being punished because the teacher hasn’t differentiated the work properly and given him something to do that is much to difficult for him and he can’t understand then that’s a whole different problem.

It sounds like that could very well be what's happening.

The child isn't responsible for the teacher being too busy to help him.

He's clearly struggled before if he had additional support. Whatever caused that is likely still to be there so he may need that support again.

Putting pressure on him to try harder when he's already having a tough time and being refused help when he's asking for it could make matters worse.

I would request a meeting to talk this through in more depth and then use it to focus on what may be causing his concentration issues, why the teacher is sure that your DS is capable of managing his difficulties without support, what she sees about his behaviour that indicates sanctions are the best way to manage it and how this will be monitored to ensure he doesn't fall behind his peers. Ask for another meeting before Christmas to discuss any progress and next steps if the teacher still has concerns.

Make it clear that you'll support your child to work hard in school but that you won't punish him for finding the work too hard for him. You'll do your bit by getting his vision and hearing checked and they need to consider what else might be holding him back, putting extra support in place if necessary.

WanderYonder and Timandra - Thanks for your support and suggestions. With regards to his hearing and vision, I will get them checked, he did have a sight test about 5 months ago and there was a slight prescription but she said not enough to warrant glasses but she did say if I had any concerns to test his eyes again at 6 months. He also did have problems with hearing in year 1, where he had a build up of fluid in both ears, doctors didn’t seem too concerned but the teacher did mention she thought he found it hard to hear, it was only after a few months he ended up with a really bad perforated ear drum from the accumulation of fluid that it was a problem, so will also look into this, he also failed his initial hearing test in Reception class too but the repeat one a few months later was clear.
I am happy to support him at home im any way I can, even if that means bringing additional work home to benefit him, what I will not do is punish him for things he’s finding difficult, this would only create another whole host of problems, most likely leading to anxiety and a fear of school, which I wouldn’t want to happen. I will catch up with the teacher again next week and see if there’s anything we can both do to support him further. I am perfectly happy for the teacher to approach me with any concerns but what did concern me was her saying herself, she had a large class and couldn’t help every child and that’s what made me think that’s where the struggle is coming from, we are not all academically the same, we all have different learning styles and it’s also important for a teacher to remember this.

Given the concentration, reading, comprehension issues, I’d rule out processing or dyslexia with an ed psych assessment.

Might he be being distracted by the children he's sitting with? DS2 had this problem (again in Y4) and when moved he improved a lot. Sitting by the teacher should help.

If he had assistance in Y3, have you been given a reason why this isn't happening in Y4? Apologies if I've missed this in the thread.

I know it's probably not ideal to move him now but perhaps he could do better at a smaller school? More support available perhaps.