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Original poster

Boy in DD's class threatening to kill her - note to the teacher and/or head?

30 replies

ThomasRichard · 11/09/2019 21:26

They're both 6/7 and in the same class at school. This happened a few times over the last term and he threatened her again today. According to her he's variously threatened to kill or strangle her or her dad if she doesn't do what he says (like buy him sweets). Prior to this they were good friends, went to each other's birthday parties and he seemed a lovely little boy. I find it really troubling that he'd say such things but obviously my main concern is DD. I'm writing in to her class teacher; should I copy in the head as the lead safeguarding contact?

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 11/09/2019 21:28

Writing? I think I’d be in there. And with the boy’s parents.

Herocomplex · 11/09/2019 21:29

Absolutely go to the class teacher. As well as being concerned about your daughter I’d be concerned why he’s using these particular phrases repeatedly.

Chilver · 11/09/2019 21:31

This shouldn’t be a note, you should be having a one to one meeting with teacher and safeguard lead or head. Particularly if it’s happened before.

Cyberworrier · 11/09/2019 21:31

Meet with the teacher. I think written down won’t convey the seriousness/worry.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2019 21:32

This situation requires far more than a note.

pikapikachu · 11/09/2019 21:32

This happened to my son and I dealt with it face to face with the class teacher. She took it very seriously and was able to reassure my son that he was safe at school.

C0untDucku1a · 11/09/2019 21:33

Ask for an appointment with the head.

FeelBetterForIt · 11/09/2019 21:33

No, class teacher. Only go over her head if the response seems inadequate. It's really something that should be done in person though, or if you really can't go in a phonecall

LolaSmiles · 11/09/2019 21:34

I would seek to arrange a meeting. It's much more serious than a note.

Maybe talk to the class teacher first, but ask that the head as safeguarding lead is informed. They'll log it as a concern for the child and will be able to put things in to keep your DC safe.

I hope it goes well OP.

PoppinsPerfume · 11/09/2019 21:35

Meet with head. If it was a one off I'm going to kill you comment I would say teacher but this is ongoing.

They might only be 6/7 but I've worked with a boy in year two who was quite disturbed and made threats like this and it needs dealing with especially that he is threatening strangulation.

DramaAlpaca · 11/09/2019 21:36

A one to one is required here, most definitely.

Iggly · 11/09/2019 21:37

Blimey, I’d have been talking to the teacher after the first time! Email in and say you want to speak to the teacher for a formal meeting.

Original poster
ThomasRichard · 11/09/2019 21:48

I was writing to ask for a meeting but I'll now CC in the head who's also the safeguarding lead. This is what I've got:

Dear x,

Last term DD came home a few times saying that Adam* in her class had threatened to kill or strangle her or her dad if she didn’t do as he said. Today she came home saying that Adam had said he would kill her dad if she didn’t buy him sweets. This is obviously very concerning language from a six year-old but my primary concern is ensuring that DD feels safe and happy at school.

I’ve previously spoken to DD about appropriate friendship behaviour and told her to tell an adult at school if this happens. Now that it’s happening again this year I’d like to meet with you to discuss how DD will be kept safe and how we at home can support your strategies in the classroom. My phone number is xxxxxxxxxxx if you would like to phone me. DD's dad and I can be available if you would like to talk to both of us together.

Sorry to start the term on such a note but I hope we can work together to help DD have a happy transition to Year 2.

Yours sincerely,
ThomasRichard

OP posts:
Rockylady · 11/09/2019 22:49

You look more annoyed than concerned. Speak to the teacher as soon as possible. You want to solve this ASAP not stir the S. The teacher needs to know. Why didn't you raise this last term?

LolaSmiles · 11/09/2019 23:02

I'd be more brief OP so that there's a more pressing reason to have the meeting. Obviously it is serious but with that much detail it could be lowered on the priority list because they could take some actions without the meeting and I think the meeting will be best for stressing your point.

Something like:
Dear X,
I'm contacting you with a concern that I'd like to discuss in person due to the sensitive nature of the situation.
At the end of last year Adam made a number of threats to kill my child. We let it be towards the end of term and hoped that a fresh start in the new year would see the end of this. Unfortunately DC has reported that the threats have continued and we have some concerns.
I've explained that DC needs to speak to you as her teacher should this happen and would like to request a meeting at your earliest convenience to discuss this situation.

wibbletooth · 11/09/2019 23:20

Also don’t say sorry - makes it sound like you’re apologising which again isn’t going to make them see that they need to do something and take this seriously.

If you want something along those lines how about ‘It’s upsetting to have to start the term like this for all involved - hence my request for an urgent meeting in order to start to deal with it as soon as possible.’

milliefiori · 11/09/2019 23:25

I'd be briefer still. Just say:

Please can I meet with you urgently? My daughter is very distressed about escalating bullying from Adam. He has: (list what you listed here.) She is particularly alarmed by his death threats, as am I. My number is -.

LolaSmiles · 11/09/2019 23:29

I like your style Millie
Honestly, there generally a balancing act on school concern raising. Too emotive and blunt for a first contact runs the risk of people entering the meeting with an image of an unreasonable parent liable to make mountains from molehill (the OP clearly isn't one of them but when you've been in schools a while you get used to a particular pattern/trend). Too soft and it's easy for it to be put into a to do pile with good intentions but schools can be busy and things get forgotten or acted on but the parent isn't kept in the loop, which leads to them understandably feeling frustrated and not listened to.

Knitclubchatter · 12/09/2019 04:09

just a question but why would a threat like this not be reported to the police? i realize the child is very young but the language is very concerning.
needless to say i'd be in someones office going bat shit crazy, my language might be polite but i'd be beyond firm.

Terramirabilis · 12/09/2019 04:26

A child that young is too young to prosecute for starters, @Knitclubchatter.

Knitclubchatter · 12/09/2019 04:38

yes i understand that but wouldn't it then trigger social services to investigate? surely there is something very wrong happening in this young person's life that they think it's acceptable to make such a threat?

wibbletooth · 12/09/2019 07:04

Are you able to go in with your dd first thing to talk to someone?

I’d ring up as soon as school is open (and maybe leave a message along the line of millie’s right now) and talk to someone to say you have an urgent safeguarding issue that you and your dd need to see the safeguarding person (or deputy) when you drop her off for school and take her in with you, at least for the start of the meeting. That way she won’t need to go into her class to face Adam alone before staff are aware of quite how serioys his bullying and threats are. She can explain and they can see how worried she is and say/do something to help before she goes into class, then you can finish the meeting without her.

I would also keep the police option up your sleeve if they don’t take it seriously or Adam escalates it more. Just because he is under 10 doesn’t mean that they will ignore it - ring on the non urgent number and ask them for advice - to check on him as much as tell him off - repeatedly making these threats to someone who has been a friend is not a good sign

Original poster
ThomasRichard · 12/09/2019 07:48

Those are far more assertive messages, thanks. Not my strong point!

If they were older I’d be at the police station and at the school demanding to know how they were going to keep the little psychopath away from my daughter. But they’re 6. It’s pretty heartbreaking that he can mix such frightening threats with something so innocent as wanting sweets. I want DD happy and safe and I’m concerned that there may be a safeguarding concern for Adam. Hopefully he’s fine and just needs a firm reminder about appropriate language. I’m ok to work with the school on DD and leave it to them on Adam.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThomasRichard · 12/09/2019 09:07

The head called me before school this morning (I’d emailed her). She’s briefed DD’s teacher and the year group staff so they’ll keep an eye out today. We’re meeting tomorrow to discuss.

OP posts:
PeevedPop · 12/09/2019 10:02

'Knitclubchatter

yes i understand that but wouldn't it then trigger social services to investigate? surely there is something very wrong happening in this young person's life that they think it's acceptable to make such a threat?'

It should certainly at least trigger school safeguarding. We've had a child with similar comments and it definitely trigger internal questions and meeting with the parents.

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