School Report - Please Help.

[SteamedPotatoes]

For various reasons, I am not very good at reading between the lines and need some help understanding my DC's end of year report.
Child moving into year 6 in small, very academic primary with fantastic reputation for academic achievements, but locally some do view it as a hothouse. DC in mid to top set for all subjects taught there.
The area was new to us when moving here, tbh, in hindsight, I am not sure if this is the right school for us.
Judging by the below report comments - is it a case of him needing to fit in more, or, are we trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole? DC has often complained that he feels he is treated unfairly by teachers at break time and around the school (but not his actual Year 5 form teacher who he really admired and respected). Specific examples of general disruption mentioned by the Head Teacher was not brought to our attention last year, nor had they contacted us about how he speaks to other pupils.

DC does get easily distracted frequently and can be super loud at times, he also tends towards calling a spade a spade (often to his own detriment). Yes we do discuss these points at home together. On the other hand he is also only 10. He never gets chosen for anything (inspite of the so-called leadership qualities he possesses) and it does feel like the school arent going out of there way to help. Over the last few months, it has affected his confidence as he believes that the head teacher and others simply dont like him. What would you think reading the below report comments?
Form Teacher -
... X is a real character - bright, cheerful, out-going, articulate and possessing relentless self-confidence (sometimes rather too much, it must be said!). I have no doubt that with focus, he can achieve great things academically in all subjects next year but it will require to knuckle down somewhat. There remains too much chat in lessons and whilst this does not stop him from producing enough work, it does affect X's learning and his ability to maximise his progress. Socially X has plenty of friends & is a strong personality in the class: I have spoken to him regarding the need to consider the effect his words may have on others from a position of such influence.

Head teacher -
A capable child, X does not always do himself justice in class or around the school in general. Whilst there are a number of achievements to celebrate, a greater focus in class would help him to give greater care and precision to the task in hand and enable him to consistently show his undoubted potential. Wielding his leadership qualities with greater consideration and empathy for others would gain him respect from everyone in social situations.

Sounds like he’s being a bit of an arse to be honest. I’d be worried about the two comments about needing to consider others more. It sounds like he’s playing the clown/ ring-leading at the expense of other children.

If my DS did that his little feet wouldn’t touch the floor in my house.

Hmm, are they saying he’s domineering? That report would make me cross, it’s saying he’s doing well but needs squashing a bit, I think. They haven’t said he’s impacting others but it infers it. He’s 10, is he? Is he confident, would you say?

Perhaps as he is new to the school he is trying too hard to make new friends. Perhaps tell him that when he starts back he needs to separate work in the classroom ( no social chat) with playtime. I would tell him that I would speak to his teacher at half term to see whether he was improving. I would also talk to him at the end of the school day to see how things were going. Make sure he understands this is all for his benefit. I used to write reports and this is saying to me bright kid but a pain in the bum.

From their point of view he seems to fit in fine! He may be a bit too boisterous in class and talk without thinking. Easily distracted is very common with boys.
I’m sure a lot will be helped with some maturity, and you don’t want to quash his natural joie de vivre, but if he is too disruptive in class this will affect others learning too.
See if you could meet with his new Y6 teacher early on and see if he/she has any suggestions. It really helped my son when one of the male teachers made a point of meeting with him once a week just for five or ten minutes to find out how he was doing and any concerns ( my son has no father and has always gravitated to male teachers).
Will he be changing schools in Y7? Wouldn’t want to move him if he’s changing soon anyway.

From that, he does sound like a pain in the neck. I know he’s only 10, but so are all his peers, yet his behaviour is different.

His teacher may not like him, but equally, and more likely they are constantly having to tell him to shush, wait his turn, calm down, consider others. A child of his age could feel that means the teacher doesn’t like them, when they actually don’t like his behaviour.

Had any of this come up at parents’ eve?

Thank You for your responses.
@Pipandmum - yes he will be changing in Year 7. He has a year ahead of him, I dont know how things are going to work out with his new form teacher. He just seemed to click with his year 5 teacher and Im worried that this might not be the case in year 6.
@nancyjoan - at parents evening the form teacher mentioned that he gets on really well with DS, unlike some of the other teachers (his words).
@Herocomplex @Mammajay @reefedsail - he's always been loud and has had a hard time fitting in to this school and finding friends (although it does sound like he has a lot of friends during playtime). He has found 2 friends he feels close to and has met outside of school but its me always doing the invites.

Socially X has plenty of friends & is a strong personality in the class: I have spoken to him regarding the need to consider the effect his words may have on others from a position of such influence.
and
Wielding his leadership qualities with greater consideration and empathy for others would gain him respect from everyone in social situations.

I'm afraid that those remarks would suspect his attitude may tip into bullying. Particularly "I have spoken". Does your ds remember being spoken about this and if it was a specific situation or a general comment? If he doesn't remember, it may be that it was a more general comment.

I think I would want to discuss that both with the year 5 teacher and with the head. They are both saying very similar things, which can mean the head has just listened to the class teacher rather than getting to know. However that is less likely in a small school.

I don't think any 'reading between the lines' is necessary - it's pretty clear he's loud and domineering with little respect or consideration of others.

What do YOU want for him? It sounds like you don't want him to change - do you think as a round peg he needs to find a round hole rather than modifying his behaviour?

My view - if he's always been loud and had a hard time fitting in and finding friends I'd strongly suggest you clamp down on this side of him like a ton of bricks, and don't regard it as 'squashing' him, regard it as developing a partially undeveloped side of his personality - it'll do him no end of favours in the long run.

Loud confident (bratty?) people often have plenty of others in the playground/office/whatever who'll want to spend time with them in a group - they're magnets in that respect. But no real friends who'd be happy to support and listen when they need that.

You'll never know about the square peg thing IMO, that's really subjective. DS may feel he's being treated unfairly, the teachers likely feel he needs to toe the line more.
My translation of that report is: he's very chatty and disruptive in class; he is good socially but needs to be kinder; he needs to sort his behaviour. It sounds like he's quite loud and confident, which is great, but it means he's known around the school (and probably will be at future schools too) so he needs to make sure that it's for the right reasons and know what's appropriate and when. Yes he's only 10 but he's old enough to know he's responsible for his own behaviour.

There should be no such thing as a round peg in a square hole from both your view as a parent and also from the school. I think you need as parent to be trying harder to curb his enthusiasm and tendency to get carried away. However the school, if it is "crammer school" are going to have to realise that they probably have a pupil who is not going to just sit there and do everything he is told. As a Chair of Governors I would feel upset if the school was trying to squash his individuality so that they fit the norm.
I think you need a very early meeting with the headteacher and yr6 teacher so you know exactly what is being said between the lines. My view would be a veiled threat that if he gets too boisterous and does not fit into the "crammer mode" that he could find himself in a lot of trouble, as in up to potentially exclusion. But you need to get the bottom line from the school, not base anything on second hand or third hand guess work as to what the school might be saying.

So it seems he is loud and pushy and that if he reined that in a bit and was more focussed he would perform better in class. I don't think there is anything between the lines - I think they have told him/you straight.

What were previous reports like? Did he move to this school for year 5?

As a teacher- for me to write that I’d have to have spoken to the parents multiple times with no improvement. It’s pretty harsh by primary standards and I think would usually warrant a meeting with parents over it being delivered.

Seems a tad inconsistent, he’s social but a bit unkind? I’d want an early September meeting to talk it through and a way forward.

"Charming, clever, distractable. Bit bossy. If he focused more and developed more empathy he could achieve great things."

(MNers often say I'm obtuse) I don't read it as very negative.

We had a report like that and I queried it. Was told DD had been sent in by lunch controllers for disruption. Nothing had been said at all at anytime, so I suggested if it had been that serious, the school were failing in their duty of care to not tell me at the time and include me in any decision regards discipline. HT gave me cats bum face (wasn't a fan of any parent daring to question her).
Spoke to DD about it, turned out she was sent in one time, left alone in a classroom and then told off for being in the building unattended. She was originally sent in as she had been punched in the stomach, was understandably upset, and, after her friend asking the lunchtime twat controller to help DD, was told she was disruptive for crying in pain.
You can imagine my comments to HT about that afterwards.
I think schools are so desperate for results now, they cannot just praise a kid, there has to be something they've improved in them to give themselves a pat on the back about. So what if he is a natural leader and confident? If there is a slot to send in for parent's comments, I would have to request a detailed explanation and examples of incidents, as clearly it's not been so bad as to comment until the end of the year and blacken an otherwise great report.

He actually sounds a lot like my eldest who can come across as being overly confident, too loud and rather abrasive. School are much more insightful into her behaviour though and figured out very early on that she goes into attention overdrive when she's anxious - tries to control and dominate everything she can to compensate for whatever's bugging her. They've invested a lot into things like social and emotional skills groups to support her in developing those areas she struggles with - and her reports were relentlessly positive and I've been told off several times for telling the teachers that "look I know she can be a pain in the arse"!

I think from the bits witchend quoted on 04/08/2019 16:24 they are saying he can be a bit unkind. Maybe talk to him about thinking of others' feelings before speaking

My DS was a very confident child in primary school who was always cheerful, chatty and boisterous although never unkind. He was wheeled out like a performing monkey for every school play but expected to go back in his box at all other times by some of the teachers. By Y6 he was starting to change and didn’t want to do the end of year ( and end of primary school) production for which they had given him the lead role without asking him. He was shouted at by the teachers for not learning his lines - even though he repeatedly told them he didn’t want to do it. We spoke to the school and asked them to find someone else. We were told it was too late. My DS managed to pull it off in the end so school kept their face but now at 19 looks back at his last week at primary with sadness. Please don’t let them squash your DS’s character. Yes it may need reining in a little but he is still very young.

I agree with ohnotnowBernard. If your child's disruptiveness in class, way he speaks to to other children, and problematic wielding of his leadership qualities were actually issues that affect his learning or other children's learning, they should have been brought to your attention at the time.

The relevant teachers should have spoken with you and ds about addressing them. You shouldn't have to 'read between the lines' in school reports - they should be clear and direct.

I've read a fair few primary school reports in my time, and this one reads very unkindly tbh. It may be that this is the school's 'style', which is an unusual one.

In September, I would meet with his new class teacher and come up with a plan to minimise his 'disruptive behaviour' eg sitting at the front or edge of the classroom and make it clear that you want to know if there are any issues at school. Also, that he's not necessarily as confident as he comes over, and he would appreciate being chosen for some things. If you are able to get his form teacher on board early on, and let them know that you're happy to hear about 'issues' and work with them, this will probably prove more fruitful than speaking to the head.

at parents evening the form teacher mentioned that he gets on really well with DS, unlike some of the other teachers (his words)
The form teacher seems a bit two faced if he's been positive to your face all year and then writes those things in the report.

I read it that he is leading others astray and not being very kind. The sort that speaks before he thinks. The sort that undermined confidence in my less capable DD in primary.
Not purposeful unkindness but more stuff like 'That drawing's a bit of a mess' or 'Haven't you finished yet? I finished my maths sheet 10 minutes ago'.