School's attitude

[dietr505118]

My 5 1/2 year old girl in Reception has had a number of instances where boys in her class are being unnecessarily or unconsciously rough.
My wife and I have asked the school to intervene (at their request rather than approaching the parents)
On the last occasion mlo complained of being slapped in the face so I rang the school to log my concern and asked for a response. The following day we waited til all classmates had gone into class and asked the teacher in charge for her response to my telephone message the previous evening.
She had no knowledge of the call or preceding events.
A subsequent meeting between my wife and school resulted in our being assessed as anxious parents and that quote/ unquote "if I cared I would attend a meeting" and where again, quote/unquote
"I'll deal with him, dont you worry"
Other parents of kids in the same class have indicated
they feel the school has problems with communication and
the school is inconsistent with its attitude to problems and has a tendency to look for excuses...eg 'we cant see everything' to 'we dont have problems like this as we have a 4 to 29 teacher/pupil ratio'
Both of us feel the school is being overly defensive and at the same time have accused me of being rude and aggressive when we spoke with the teacher, which is simply not true.
I would welcome any comments/suggestions on the approach to take during a suggested meeting tomorrow as we need the school to work with us rather than make excuses or be dismissive.
Many thanks!!

I think you have to try and take all the emotion out of it and not refer to any accusations that have been made about you being anxious or not attending meetings.

List all of the occasions you can think of when DD has been hurt and what, if anything was done at the time by the school. Go in knowing what you want them to do about it and ask them how they are going to assure you that your DD will not be hurt again. Ask them to follow up the meeting in writing with an email detailing what they intend to do going forward.

From what you have written it seems like they are on the defensive so you have to be 100 % certain that you are not coming across as rude or aggressive. It's not the right way to handle it and they will use it against you. I'm not saying you are, just be aware that how you think you are behaving may not be how they are perceiving it.

If you don't feel reassured by the outcomes from the meeting, I would follow up with the chair of governors.

Last point, I would push for some commitment to a time scale. This close to the end of term, they could drag it out so it isn't resolved before the holidays in the hope that you will drop it next term.

Don’t follow up to the Chair of Governors. The correct follow up would be a formal complaint. That’s what they will tell you.

However, it seems that you are asking for staff to be aware that boys are playing roughly around other children. Once the school has been informed of this they should monitor playtime. They can also speak to the children about making sure no one is hurt. I suspect they are aware who is playing roughly and with generous staffing of 4:29 they jolly well should intervene! They should also train their midday and play supervisors to be aware of this and you could ask what training they have had.

Try and ignore what was said about you. The best solution is to get play closely monitored and for trained staff to intervene.

The other thing you can do is try and get your DD to play away from these boys. She might like their games but find girls who are less boisterous maybe?

Thank you both for your responses.
We've done a list and noted responses (or lack of them.)
We're going to try and get her to play with more gentle kids (but it appears she doesnt always get a choice...)
Ive also put together some learned peoples' thoughts on avoiding behavioural 'norms' ie its acceptable to be rough with girls as boys will be boys etc, which I will ask the school to consider.
Good advice re ignoring what I'm accused of...anything else would probably only end up counter productive!
I'll post a note regarding the results.

Decide beforehand what you want the outcome to be. It would be reasonable to expect the school to explain what they are downing to minimise the incidents recurring.

The question you need to ask is what is the school going to do to keep your DD safe? Also, what will they put in place to ensure the issue does not reoccur when the children move up to the next year group in September.

Also, don't get hung up on the boy/ girl thing. Unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable whether the victims or perpetrators are boys or girls. The rough behaviour needs tackling, but may not actually be targeted at your DD.

I'd be taking more issue over the “slap”, if it was indeed a slap intended to hurt rather than her being jostled or accidentally knocked. Be prepared though to hear that the information you have from your DD is the "edited highlights", that don't include what her behaviour was in the situation.

Don't expect to be told anything or offer any opinions about punishments etc for the other children. Either you trust the school to do their job and deal with the other children, or you don't - in which case you would have already removed her.

If the meeting does not resolve the issues, ask for a copy of the complaints procedures and follow them. There is no point complaining to Chair of Govs or anyone else if it's not the next step.

Doing.. not downing

As others have said, complaining to the chair of governors is not the right procedure. Governors are not involved in the day to day running of the school and are certainly not able to intervene in operational matters. There seems to be a misconception on Mumsnet that the chair is somehow ‘above’ the head and can tell them what to do. The only time that the governing body would get involved would be if you made a formal complaint about the headteacher. This is done via the complaints procedure.

Apologies for the misinformation about chair of governors. It’s been a while since I had little ones at school!

Do look at the school’s web site for their Behaviour Policy. This is what should be followed in school. It sets out aims and objectives and how children will be encouraged to behave in school and towards each other. There should not be tolerance of harm to children through play. Try and read it before you go to school.

Ive also put together some learned peoples' thoughts on avoiding behavioural 'norms' ie its acceptable to be rough with girls as boys will be boys etc, which I will ask the school to consider.

I once watched casualty. I also went to hospital once. I don't write to my doctor with tips from the internet if I disagree with a diagnosis. I would respect his professionalism, not assume that I know better because I have read something online.

So you will try and tell them how to do their job? Is this a CPD session?
What educational qualifications do you hold? EYFS teaching experience? School leadership? SEND?

If you have a complaint then follow the school policy but please don't arrive with information from the internet to try to educate the staff!

Approaching the teacher in the morning when in charge of the class will never be a good time.
Ask the teacher to pair up your daughter with suitable friends.

All good points, thankyou.
Garnering info is simply about getting a broader view (than just ours) from other, non-partisan childcare professionals.
For sure, I'm not about to batter the staff with heavy-weight articles on what they're 'doing wrong'

True. But other professionals won't have the overview of the whole class dynamics. It could be seen as 'we know better than you'

My son was in a school like that. I moved him. He got his smile and fun back soon after.

Said it all in a recent report where he rated his old school as 2/10 and new school at 9.5/10.

It was always the kid or parents fault or nothing wrong every time I raised an issue.

Had the meeting today.
Started a little strained as the two staff clearly expected me to go off on one but continued well, and got steadily more positive.
I got all my points across as did they and we ended up with a mutually agreed strategy...bit from the staff, bit from us as parents.
The key point about us knowing DD will be safe(r) and that she is able to trust the staff will look out for her (and all her classmates) was acknowledged. Follow ups arranged and a whole class discussion planned regarding caring for your friends at all times, particularly during play.
Thanks again to those who posted.

Welldone op sounds like you pulled it round well

Well done indeed. Sounds constructive and let’s hope playtime improves.

Glad you got sorted in a positive way. Best thing for your daughter