Would you say anything to the teacher about this?

[dameofdilemma]

I'd pretty much decided not to say anything but now am doubting myself.

Dd (year 2) was upset recently as a child had accused her in the playground of only inviting white children to her birthday party.
Two other children then joined in in saying this.
Dd said she tried to explain it wasn't true and that she'd invited the children who's parties she'd been to as the activity had a limited number.

We talked about it along lines of, children sometimes say things to hurt feelings if their feelings have been hurt etc. Dd said she didn't want me to speak to the teacher.

A few days later one of the same girls said it again. Then a third time the following day.
Dd isn't hugely upset but is more confused about it as she didn't only invite white children so can't understand why the girl keeps saying it.

This has led to a discussion at home about racism, colour etc, made more complex by DD being mixed race herself.

It's nearly the end of term and I've never before needed to speak to her teacher about anything and am inclined to leave it. But there's a part of me that feels I've let dd down a bit by simply saying she should avoid this girl.

It doesn't feel like the usual 'youre rubbish at football' type comments that kids make and which DD would just take in her stride. I really don't want kids in the class thinking that what this girl said is true.

This could easily be covered anonymously in a PSHE session, if that's what she's worried about. I'm sure you'd feel better if you had a quiet word with the teacher.

Why doesn't your dd just say 'no I haven't only invited white children'.

Hollow - she did. And she named who she has invited.

Blue - what's a PSHE session?

I don't see how the teacher can cover this in phse

Yes, you absolutely do need to mention this to the teacher. They need to know about undercurrents like this running through their class, so it can be tackled in a sympathetic way during group work or discussions.

The other child keeps saying it because, surprise surprise, she is a bully.

PSHE stands for Personal, Social and Health Education, which is part of the national curriculum.

I think I would speak to the teacher. She is accused of being a racist when she isn't. If she is a mixed race child herself, and she has invited the children who she was invited to the party to, then this girl is totally wrong. I do wonder if the other girl actually understand the meaning of what she is doing, but the accusation is very nasty in nature, and can be even worse later in the school if she carries on.

I'd speak to the teacher. This is exactly the sort of issue a good class teacher wants to know about.

Yes do speak to the teacher. Your child needs to know she is supported and the other child needs to know she can’t accuse people of things that are not true.

Thanks all.
Think will speak to dd this evening. I don't want to raise it if I feel she really doesn't want me to as I then worry she won't tell me things that happen at school, for fear I'll tell the teacher.

Dd seems her chipper self and not upset. Interestingly though she did tell me this evening that three boys were told off for bullying and one of them was the original child who started this whole thing off.

I guess there will be more of this sort of thing as the kids get older. Sigh.

This sounds to me like a child repeating something their parent said rather than something a year 2 child would think of themselves.

I think you should tell the teacher, and I say that as a Year 2 teacher. I'd want to know so I could do a talk about it with my class.

As a teacher I'd want to know - just to keep an eye on class dynamics if nothing else. Please mention it - I'd rather parents mentioned anything they are concerned about with their children, even if it turns out to be nothing.

I would speak to the teacher as it sounds like the perfect topic of discussion at circle time or PSHE. It doesn't have to be directed at any group of children in particular and could just be a class discussion.

I also agree that it might be something as simple as a child going home complaining they weren't invited and the parent who either has a chip on their shoulder or is trying to make their child feel better about not getting an invite.

HolesinTheSoles, if that's what parents told a child who wasn't invited to the party, that it's because she/he isn't white, then the parents are doing more damage to the child. I do hope not.