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Made a school transfer now regret it!

18 replies

Mumto3cherubs · 06/04/2019 06:35

Hello all! First time posting here Smile

My 7yo been asking to move schools for ages no reason really she likes the attention! but we moved a month ago to the opposite side of town and there’s literally a primary school two mins walking distance as where we drove to the other school as it’s all country lanes 60mph you literally can’t walk there!
Anyway when we moved I did the transfer as found it easier with having two under two out them in pram and were there! So her last day was yesterday as it was closing for Easter and all the children were crying teachers etc and I’ve realised what a really big effect it had on them she was leaving all made her cards and I’ve seen kids come and go but never seen anyone so upset over her leaving!
Now that got to me and since then she was sent with her report home I’ve read how well she’s doing , her goals with her teachers are set even for next year and now I just deeply regret it! She starts in 2 weeks after Easter and I’m wondering weatherto stop it all as she is so happy at her school but now she’s worrying she will look silly after everyone’s said bye etc to then turn up after Easter, she has friends at the new school but the reputation isn’t great and I do think the drive to the old school isn’t really worth it, I know I should of thought more into it but I thought with my nearly 2yo going pre school soon it will be easier have them all close by but now regret it! I’ve also spoke to more mums who tell me the school close to home isn’t great which I wish I had known before hand! She hasn’t started new school so looking for advice really x

OP posts:
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Mumto3cherubs · 06/04/2019 06:36

That should say is worth the drive! Not isn’t x

OP posts:
SuperSange · 06/04/2019 06:42

You moved her to a school without finding out even whether it was any good or not? The first consideration was your convenience?

Cora1942 · 06/04/2019 06:47

She is obviously a popular girl and will be the same at her new school.
You are just having change wobbles.
Being able to walk will be much better. After school playdates will be close by etc

Changes are part of life and it important to demonstrate a positive attitude so your dd learns to embrace them.
Chill and enjoy the holidays.

CarolDanvers · 06/04/2019 06:49

My 7yo been asking to move schools for ages no reason really she likes the attention!

What does this mean? In my experience seven year olds don’t tend to ask for things for ages unless there’s something going on.

TheVanguardSix · 06/04/2019 06:50

It’s normal to regret. I’ve done this with two of my kids.

You’ll be glad they’re closer to home. Being close to the school will make your days easier to manage and plug you straight into the local community.

She will be fine! Honestly.
And the break over Easter will make the transition easier.

Change is hard and sad. But it’s also exciting! Fresh start, OP.

Cora1942 · 06/04/2019 06:52

Supersang spending an hour a day in the car is not convenient for small children. They need to walk. Its not convenient for the planet .
Is the school.a bad school. Sometimes Ofsted judge by bizarre standards.
A bright sociable child will often thrive at any school.

Frazzled2207 · 06/04/2019 06:52

I suspect she will be fine but I am wondering why you didn't do your research on the new school before moving her.

BillywilliamV · 06/04/2019 06:53

She’ll be fine, she’s seven and obviously popular and intelligent. It makes sense to move her to a school where she’ll live closer to her friends.

Orchidflower1 · 06/04/2019 07:09

It’s nice that the old school made an effort as she was leaving- she is obviously sociable which will stand her in good stead for her new school.

I do find it bizarre that she’s been asking to move schools - there must be something fueling that.

It will be easier to have all the children closer - you will appreciate that. Presumably her new friends will be closer too.

Who has told you negative things about the new school? Imho all schools have something negative to report about them it depends what it is and how important that is to you.

She ( and you) will indeed look ridiculous if you turn up again after easter. Plus her place may already be filled.

I’m sure once the initial adjustment period has passed all will be well.

Happygolucky009 · 06/04/2019 07:14

We travel to what was an outstanding primary, as our catchment school was considered poor locally.

However our catchment school improved, the primary we attend isn't far but too far for friends to pop in after school. No walking to and from school with friends .

You have made a decision and you need to have the courage to follow this through now.

minisoksmakehardwork · 06/04/2019 07:49

Kindly, you're having wobbles because the friends your dd has had since she was, what, 3? are reacting naturally to losing their friend. Within a few weeks most will forget her and by the time the new school year starts, another will have taken her place.

Speaking as a parent who moved and changed schools when the dc were in year 1/3/5, moving earlier is much easier than later. My youngest 2 have made good friendships despite missing the children they went to preschool/school with. Ds1 has some Sen and doesn't seem any worse for moving schools friendship wise but dd1, moving so late in primary school when friendships have been well established for many years has found it much harder.

Having friends on your doorstep will be a huge benefit to you and dd. It's not to say you can't stay in touch with friends from her old school, but I found even 10 year friendships with neighbours drifted as our lives changed.

Also, with your two year old starting preschool, you would likely find drop off and pick up a nightmare, especially when youngest starts school. Chances are because of catchment areas she wouldn't be a priority for a space at your eldest's school.

I would make your own mind up about your new school. When we moved, on paper, the school we moved to was failing. But the family feeling we got and the support they have given our children more than makes up for what ofsted thought. Equally, parents have a different experience across the board. Listen to what they say with an open mind and open eyes. I've noticed that the parents slagging the school off the most are often the ones engaging the least. They may have their reasons for it but I've found working with the school has created a much more open relationship.

AnemoneAnenome · 06/04/2019 16:47

If she stayed at her old school what would the plan be for your younger ones? Would you be ferrying them across town until the youngest is 11? That is a lot of years and miles.

I think you just have cold feet. No one likes change. Of course it does depend on the quality of the new school but as far as I can see, you have no new (negative) info on which to base rejecting the school you've already chosen for her, and possibly her younger siblings(?)

LIZS · 07/04/2019 10:52

There is also the risk that siblings would not take priority over those living closer in future admissions, so you end up with dc at different schools and a logistical difficulty. Bite the bullet and move, she will adapt and just needs you to lead the way.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 07/04/2019 11:05

When children leave school, there's always lots of tears and drama about it on their last day, and then the child is barely mentioned and everyone carries on as normal.

viques · 07/04/2019 11:51

allpizzas has it I'm afraid. On the last day of school kids are often looking for stuff to do and " making a card" is often a choice, a lovely thing to do but don't take it as evidence that the class has gone into mourning. The chances are a new child will be starting there after Easter, and for a few days they will be flavour of the month (as will your daughter in her new school) then everything settles down , the class re arranges itself to accomodate the newcomer and life goes on.

A closer school will be better for your family, but if the school isn't wonderful then make sure you as her parent are on top of maximising your daughters experience there. Hear her read, help with homework, take her to interesting places, offer help to the teacher, get yourself on the governing body and be a critical friend to the school, raise money for the PTA.

But the most important thing you can do in the next couple of weeks is be unrelentingly positive about the new school. Don't discuss your worries with anyone if your DD is within a hundred metres, be upbeat about the positive things, being close, new friends, lots of time to play out after school, buying new summer dresses and a new book bag......

NewSchoolNewName · 08/04/2019 08:33

I think it’s normal to have a few wobbles.

My DC moved school a few weeks ago, and although the move was inevitable for several reasons, DH & I still found ourselves wobbling about whether we were doing the right thing, isn’t it a shame we’re making DC leave the old school and their friends etc. Really that was mostly about the change. Change can be scary.
It wasn’t about any objective reason why the old school was better, in fact objectively the old school was worse for our DC even without taking it’s further distance from our house into account.

That said, while the transition was happening, DH & I did have to firmly remind ourselves several times about the good reasons we had for making the move, and we were very positive about the move in front of the children, lots of talk about the positive things about the new school. And several weeks down the line, they are starting to settle in and adjust to the new school.

Nayp88 · 07/09/2023 10:04

Hi, I see this was posted along time ago and wondered if the OP was still active and could update us on how she settled in? I moved my boys age 7 and 10 last week and regretting it. It's nothing to do with the school, it's a lovely school etc. It's guilt, I feel so guilty that they're missing their old friends etc. It's eating away at me.
Someone tell me it gets better?!

Hamster0005 · 26/10/2023 21:09

We're just about to do this too. I feel so much guilt... I keep reading these posts hoping for a follow up a year on...

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