is this the correct response when your ds' friend tells you that ds pushed him over?

[saadia]

This is the second time it's happened. First time I handled it really badly. Ds and his friend (in same Reception class and usually get along great) came out of school and friend (P) came and told me that ds had knocked over a tower he made. I immediately told ds off and told him to apologise to P. Ds went into a strop and was angry all evening.

Today, P came and said that ds had pushed him over and hurt his hand at playtime. I asked ds if it was an accident or on purpose. He, looking rather guilty, said it was an accident. Anyway, told him to say sorry and told P to tell teacher when such things happen. Had long chat with ds about playing nicely, not hurting others etc.

But obviously not having been there and not knowing the facts it's difficult to judge what to do, should I just leave it to the school to deal with things that happen there?

[Whizzz]

I would leave it up to the school - just remind both children to remember to tell the teacher / staff member if someone not playing nicely

[saadia]

thanks Whizz, my immediate reaction is to have a go at ds because it is horrible to hear about your dcs hurting others but a part of me thinks, like you say, that the school has to deal with individual incidents.

[sweetheart]

if it was a serious matter the school would have told you about it. To be honest your ds's friends sounds like a right whinging little tale tale! In those situations I tend to say "oh well never mind, I'm sure it was an accident and your ok now aren't you"

[Hallgerda]

saadia, I'm sure we've all overreacted in such a situation. I was told by a friend that DS1 had been making nasty remarks about a girl in his class whose brother had died. Knowing the girl in question had been pretty unpleasant to him, I assumed the worst, and discovered in mid-tirade that he really hadn't known about the girl's brother's death .

As Whizzz says, best to leave such matters to the school. I'd watch out for further problems with that particular friendship too.

[cornsilk]

Can't bear it when kids tell tales.

[mosschops30]

I probably would have said something along the lines of 'you probably deserved it you nasty little tell tale' and given ds a big kiss

[saadia]

sweetheart, the boy is actually very nice, but is utterly doted on by parents and gps and expects a lot of attention. I am also friends with his mum. Today his grandmother collected him and I have a feeling she prompted him to complain to me.

Hallgerda, that sounds like a very complicated situation - how sad for the girl but obviously your ds didn't know so it was probably just kids being kids.

Ds usually plays with P and another friend and they usually get along OK, but I will see how things go now - it's hols soon anyway, phew.

[aloha]

I'd be so tempted to say, 'nobody likes a tell tale' but actually would say, and have said, 'really? never mind'

[OrmIrian]

Can't bear tell-tales. Sorry but I hate it especially when it happened hours before. Up to school to deal with it. Next time I would say something like "Did the teacher know about it? Well let's leave it at that then."

[saadia]

Thanks everyone, concensus seems to be that tale-telling should be discouraged. I feel bad now that I pounced on ds as soon as he came out of school without even saying hello or anything.

[snorkle]

Depending on the kid, "really, and what did YOU do immediately before that?" can be an appropriate response, but not perhaps in this case.

[snorkle]

Depending on the kid, "really, and what did YOU do immediately before that?" can be an appropriate response, but not perhaps in this case.

[whiskersonkittens]

Difficult one. One of ds's friends is a dreadful 'tell tale' but he is only 5 and doesn't mean any harm, just has a very strong sense of right and wrong. His mother is trying her hardest to stop him and cringes every time he does so there are 2 sides to every story! We other parents have leanrt to say similar, dismissive comments mentioned on here, but it is not working yet ...

[zubb]

I usually just do a non-commital 'oh well - are you OK now?'. If the way ds1 and ds2 act at home is anything to go on then it's normally the one who has done the 'worse' thing that tells tales to get the other one into trouble . I am always telling ds1 not to tell tales about ds2 - think it's a 5 year old thing!

[newgirl]

i think you handled it well

they are still so young and learning social skills - you took it seriously which is all the other parent can hope for

the school would get involved if it was persistant or caused problems for either child

[saadia]

Thank you everyone for your input and ideas for what to do when this happens in future. They were all fine today.

[Ulysees]

Oh I get this sometimes and usually answer with 'ahh well it was you last week pushing ds2 (it's always him) what are you two like?' and just let it go.I had a parent pull me once because he'd hit her son in school but her son is a prize bully. I just said tell the teacher then. I think the teachers deal with it if it is serious....like the week ds2 hit 14 kids Someone had picked on him and he just lost it. He's very popular though and still is so they must be a forgiving lot?