AIBU to consider NOT putting my bright DS1 in for the grammar school entrance exam?

[ptangyangkipperbang]

I didn't really know which category to put this in because perhaps I am being unreasonable. I have considered the pros and cons but still can't make a decision.
Pros for grammar school
Amazing ofsted report
Fantastic GCSE/A results
Perhaps more stimulating because ofsted recognised an outstanding learning environment
DS1 bright but willing to 'coast' so perhaps he will be pushed a bit more
Better behaviour (this comes from pupil comments)
Not 'uncool' to be bright

Cons for grammar school
5 miles away - his friends could be dispersed in about a 10 mile radius of our home
More difficult bus journey
1 year of tutoring!
1.5 hours homework each night - he currently does lots of activities that he enjoys and would not have time to continue them all
Long day - out of the house at 7.15am
Perhaps will be nearer the bottom of the academic pile

Pro for local comprehensive
Very good ofsted report
Good GCSE results, not so good for A levels
More accurate reflection of real life with a mixture of kids
Nearer
Easy journey
Shorter day
No tutoring

Cons for local comprehensive
More accurate reflection of real life with a mixture of kids!
Some kids behaviour 'challenging'
DS1 may not be pushed

Sorry about the long post and I'm aware I haven't covered all points but would just welcome any comments.

Feel I'm making such a massive decision and don't want to get it wrong!

oppurtunities dont come knocking often.

unless you stress him out excessivly aboutthe grammar school exam, then he will benefit from the experience of trying for it. if he gets in, great, if not, then he had a go.
withholidng im from the exam would be wrong imo. you would never say to a 17 yr old they cant do the driving test would you? so w=hy not let him try?

I really would NOT go for the grammar school option. I went to grammar school miles away from my house -over an hour there by public transport each morning, via all kinds of bad behviour so far from my local area that my parents had not a clue what I was up to, who with, or where! If you are lucky enough to have a local comp that is good - and you really are lucky! - then I would be grabbing this with both hands. There is so much to be said for local friends, meandering to school together with people who live round the corner, whose parents you may even know already, mix of abilities and talents and characters - so your child will find a nice balance and see that not everyone is a genius, and its ok to be good at some things and not so good at others. I could go on and on and on about this one, I just think grammar schools are all wrong. REading your post - being out the door at 7.15am every morning, honestly - what are you thinking?! I remember getting up at 6.15am to be ready to leave the house at 7.15am each morning and thinking some days 'i wish i could get run over so i could have a bit of a break' - not run over in a serious way, just an arm break or something so I'd have a good excuse for a bit of a rest! Up so early every day, doing homework til 10pm at night, and then once I was 14/15 going out to the 'cinema' every friday night, miles away from home. Good luck whatever you decide, but I think from the very fact that you're posting, you're a concerned engaged supportive parent, whose child will flourish wherever they go, and so they don't need the pressure and long hours of grammar school to succeed. Just let them have a nice time and everything else will fall into place! I'll stop now. Mxx

DS1 goes to a state selective. He had to take 2 exams. Passed, got in and loves it.

He's up at 6.45 - 7.15am out of the house between 7.15 - 7.40am (depending on when he got up... in Y7 he was always up at 6.15am). He's never complained. He's gotten up as early on the weekend for a Rugby/cricket/athletics fixture. He comes home has a snack (about half the fridge) does his homework and chills out. Homework lasts about 1-1.5 hrs but not always. He would've drifted at the local Comp (and it's a very good one) and that wouldn't have worked for him.

He loves the fact that it's cool to be bright. It suits his personality.

DD1 as bright but would have hated a grammar/selective school. She's very happy at a Comprehensive school (with a uniform and good boundaries/discipline). Like DS1 she's flying!

My point.........? Which do you feel would really suit your son? That's the one to go for!

also check what the comp offers for its brighter students - we decided not to enter DD1 for the 11+ and put her to our local comp - she has extra enrichment activities, accelerated sets, and there's a real feeling that bright is cool. I've since heard of parents talking their children out of the selective grammar DD1 would have gone to, as the pastoral care is almost non-existant, and the teaching is aimed totally at exam results.

Can I ask what is probably a stupid question ?

If a state secondary (or primary for that matter) school is good/very good, why would bright kids coast ? Why are they not stretched ?

I can see that they may want to coast so they don't stand out (as there may be a vast variety of ability in an unselective school). Is this the problem ?

To the OP - Is the grammar school co-ed ?

a bright kid in a comp can coast as can get the highest marks in class and get the homework done without trying that hard and some DC's especially boys will be satisfied with that. It takes quite an unusual child to have the motivation to do more than expected, in a selective school there could be a few like this so the rest may be motivated so go the extra mile

The introduction of individual NC targets for each child which happens in some schools would help that

My dd went and visited all the schools in the area and picked her favourite grammar and non selective so that she was happy with whichever choice she made. She did pass 11+ then had to make her own decision with advise from me dh granny and uncle tom cobley and all. In the end chose grammar and is really happy has 6 mile trip on bus and quite a lot of homework but still dances three times a week. Have to do same with ds this year and although he is less mature than her will make his own decision based on school visits and the length of walk to station for his favourite school!
IMHO let him see both and decide for himself

If he's bright but won't be pushed at the comp, put him in for the grammar school entry.

I should have been to a grammar school for precisely this reason. I was "smart" enough to get out of stuff and never did much work at school.

Passed exams, but never reached my potential.

Its a real dilemma isn't it! I am hoping the school situation will have changed by the time DS is 11. We don't really know if he is bright yet as he is only 3, but my issue is that the nearest school is the grammar school and the nearest Comprehensive is a bus ride away.