Can I ask to keep my DS (7) back a year?

[Lorelei2]

My DS (7) is struggling in class and I wonder if he's too young.
We did ask whether he could be deferred when he started school but they said no, he'd have to have been psychologically assessed and a good reason given. And, as far as they were concerned they felt he'd be fine.
However my DH and I both knew that he was immature and difficult to manage, the nursery teachers had already complained to us that he doesn't listen at all.
So when we had to send him to school we were worried he'd feel anxious if he couldn't do something and it was perhaps because he should've been in the year below.
We still worry about this and wish we'd maybe tried harder to have him deferred.
Has anyone else had this issue with a child who they believe should have been deferred and are still worried that they are not coping as well as they should?

We asked in Y1 is August-born DS could retake year, but school refused. DH is furious about this and feels school failed him, though I understand that they couldn't legally have more than 30 kids in KS1 class and also reluctance generally. But it would have been so much easier if they could have done it while he was young enough not to care.

He is now 7 and in Y3 and falling further behind, so we're getting an ed psych to assess DH soon to see if it would be recommended as the local authority admissions people say they will let him start a lower year in another school with a case for it from a qualified person. And as DD starts secondary next year, we can logistically manage him changing schools potentially - I think there would be less potential shame with changing schools than staying in the same one at this age. Also we wonder if another school might be better for him - current one is high-achieving without much value add, so can just shrug their shoulders over the odd kid not making the grade, but another school might make more effort with him.

I am aware it is a double-edged sword - he could just have a miserable, time at a new school, make no friends and carry the legacy of feeling like a failure because of retaking the year. One ed psych we spoke to suggested retaking only works if there's a really good teacher for that year, and we can't guarantee that I suppose.

We also accept it may not be what's recommended - he might just not be arsed to try (my husband suspects this, I doubt it), or have an underlying difficulty. His current teacher, who is amazing, doesn't think it's the answer and that we'd just be seeing the same problems if he were in Y2.

*ed psych to assess DS, not DH!

You would do better putting your energy into finding out why he is falling behind and getting a good strategy in place for meeting this need. Does he require additional help? What do the school think is happening? What strategies are in place to help him? If there is an underlying issue then holding him back will not resolve this. A good school will teach to ability (e.g. maths and English at this age are usually streamed to some degree....is he with the year 1 children already?)

I wanted my son to do year 2 again, they wouldn’t allow it because he was academically above target, they were right he got top marks in sate last year, but the emotional gap seems bigger than ever now he’s in year 7, I still believe he would of benefited massively being kept back, back when he was young enough to not have the stigma

He's actually y3 so it's maybe too late for him to retake as he may feel shame about it and I wouldn't want him to suffer with his self confidence. It's maybe just my DH and I feeling that this could have been avoided if he was deferred and we're a bit angry with school for dismissing it, as the cynic in us thinks it could also have been about numbers in the classes.

I think it depends on the cause.
My dc is immature but they are gaining maturity each year. It is just that so are the others in the class.
They would have been better off in the year below because they would be less tired, have more friends, the work would have been easier.
Imo certainly the maths is pitched too high. Or that younger ones struggle to concentrate so dont finish all the work and then have less practice.
I dont think there will be much stigma as it will be common, at least in some areas.
But if the child has a specific difficulty being the eldest may not help that much.
I guess they may make a years worth of progress but still be behind

If we’re talking about state school, I thought children were only entitled to 13 years of education. Repeating a year would mean that the state funds that child’s education for 14 years.

Maybe it is allowed in exceptional circumstances.

It's different with private schools, of course, where each year is paid for.

The problem is secondary school may not be happy to teach him out of year.

@Jackshouse , yes, that has occurred to me. I'd certainly want to check this before enacting any retake.

I think kids now need to stay in education or training till 18.
By having an extra year they may not get Alevel retakes funded

I doubt they'll allow it. DS was behind about 2 years through most of primary school (he has ASD which was diagnosed in year 4). I did feel he would do better if held back a year but actually in year 6 he suddenly strode ahead and did so well in his SATS that he got "exceeding expectations" on a couple. I never thought he'd be ready for secondary but in one year he was! I agree with a PP you should concentrate on figuring out what his issues are. I think holding him back would probably be unsettling and upsetting for him.

I wouldn't have him retake a year in his current school, but maybe move him to a new school in the year below?

If you can afford to move him to a Prep you could restart him in Y3 in September. That is a good time to join a traditional 3-13 Prep as they generally start the major sports and specialist teaching.

Thanks reefedsail. We're in Scotland, do you know if theres prep schools in Scotland?

We're in Scotland, do you know if theres prep schools in Scotland

Private school?

The evidence for repeating a year points towards it being a very poor solution indeed. Far better to provide more support to your DS.

Fee paying schools will often take pupils in the 'wrong' year for their age.

But it's a big commitment financially as it may not be possible to stay in the lower year group of you transfer back to the state system.

Re private schools, the closest is 20 miles away and there are several reasons I wouldn't opt for it, distance too far to build friendships, too difficult to get him there and back, his sister would end up going to a different school, unless she went there too, and I don't know if I believe private school benefits kids in terms of learning of other types of people etc. But maybe I'm being a reverse snob and I'm not considering what the benefits of a private education would be. I do believe it would likely yield better results and open more doors in terms of university choices and job opportunities. Maybe a private education would see my children flourish?

If you’re in Scotland then it should have had nothing to do with the school if you deferred? It’s the council that make that decision, and if your ds was born in Jan or Feb he would have not had any questions asked.
If he had a Sept-Dec birthday he would have had to have met with the LA to be assessed, again nothing to do with the school.

Do you mean primary 3? Or primary 4? Yr 3 would be primary 4? And private schools (at least the ones I know of in Glasgow) will accept entry at any stage.

Where abouts are you?

Fife. The school said there was no point in having him assessed because they couldn't see any issue. We met with them because we just wanted to discuss whether it would be an option. In hindsight we should have ignored the school's advice.

Private school would definitely not be an option, just looked at the average price of £25,000 a year!

Sorry i meant primary 3

My eldest ds was born at 32 weeks on one of the last days of August. He has slight LD’s but I think these are hugely exacerbated by him being the youngest. I’d love to hold him back a year but school are reluctant as at some point he’d have to be moved back up which would make it even harder.

I do think you have to consider the self esteem of a child being held back and taken away from classroom friends. It can feel that you are a failure, you are being punished and on top of all that you see your friends doing things you don’t do. Eg sport, school trips etc. The kept down child has to make new friends. It’s not an answer for all these reasons.

Moving schools can be just as hard. Again it’s a punishment for not doing well. Actually some children don’t want to work. They have different personalities. All this angst must be transferred to him. I would try and work with the school and his excellent teacher. Can you guarantee an excellent teacher elsewhere? No. Stay where you are.

Primary private schools are not usually £25,000 a year. Thats more like secondary. Which ones have you looked at?