why would a teacher not want to tackle year 1 bullying but just let it carry on?

[SSSandy2]

I'm having problems with dd at school because she's being bullied by a boy in her year 1 class. I spoke to the teacher who has spoken to the boy to no effect. I insisted in the end the school contact the family which they did and the family said they knew all about it but "we're astonished the school is calling us about this"

The teacher also thinks there was no need to involve the boy's family. They won't do anything about it at all. The teacher says it never "crossed her mind to punish the boy in any way". Why not? I'm not talking excessive punishment. But if talking doesn't help maybe missing a playbreak might? Her take is if I think she should punish him, I've got the wrong school and should look for another one.

Is this weird? Or do primary school teachers just take this approach generally? That dc should be left to get on with it and their behaviour will sort itself out over time maybe?

TBH I'm baffled and hurt by the school's (lack of) response.

how much of this have you addressed in writing to the teacher/school? if none yet, then start to do so and ask for a response in writing.

it helps to put a rocket up people's asses once they know you will have a written record of their actions on paper for any future reference.

by the way what I mean with bullying is

• calling her names, coercing other dc to go up and call her names
• tipping water into her satchel
• hitting, kicking, knocking her to the ground and kicking her in the face
• not "allowing" her to play with anyone, going up when she's playing and disturbing the game, kicking her, dragging the other dc away

this is EVERY day and they won't do anything at all about it unless I call and then they take him out of the class the next day for a chat about it

Am I wrong in thinking the teacher needs to do more?

What exactly is the boy doing SSSandy2?

That's awful!
Feel very sorry for you and your dd. Teacher sounds crap. Write to head and send a copy to the governors and ask to see their anti - bullying policy.

kiskidee I had a talk on Friday with the teacher. I wanted to speak to the head but the head refused to speak to me about it. The teacher was very sarcastic along the lines, if you don't think I'm doing enough, change schools, if you think I should punish him change schools. I think she brought up about 6-7 times that I should change schools.

She admitted dd does nothing at all to provoke this boy and has no problems with the other dc in the class. I said it's all very well leaving the boy to change his behaviour over time but the result is dd is suffering all through this and going from a happy dc to a very unhappy one who hates school. So her solution was I should change schools then.

I haven't done anything in writing, I have only spoken to the teacher over the phone and on Friday in person which was unpleasant. She felt criticised I think in her teaching and she was very sarcastic. The sec said the head will not see me about this I have to let the teacher deal with it.

Perhaps I shall need to put in writing. What a pain, I will have to write it in German

Your poor DD. A very similar situation has been happening in my DS2's Year1 class. two boys imparticular have cause dno end of problems for many children in the class. My DS has kept out of it but the anxiety of knowing that he might be next has meant the recent return of his night terrors, sleep walking and bed wetting.

I have spoken to the teacher many times and she is doing her best (she is supply doing maternity cover and a really lovely lady, DS adores her but sadly she is not staying.) - in our school it seems to be the head who sweeps it under the carpet. I havre also spoken directly to the parents of some other childre who beat DS1 up in the p/g several times. They knew nothing of it and were angry that the school hadn't informed them so that they could deal with it.

You do not have to change schools - how dare she! So is this school in Germany then?

Are you in the UK Ssandy? I remember reading that you are not. It might be that you have to take a different approach to the ones advised on mumsnet. Most schools in the UK take bullying very seriously and have anti-bullying polices etc. I wouldn't expect a teacher to be sarcastic with a parent over something like this.

alot of schools dont believe thye have bullying in them

oh, goody, document the last conversation with the teacher. and the one with the secretary stating that the head does not want to intervene.

then write a letter to the teacher, starting with reference to our telephone convo + date. outline what she said.

state that why you think she needs to take action. try to keep the choice of words neutral and succinct.

only refer to the most recent incident which spurred you to making the last call (but maybe drop in phrases like 'as has occurred before' iyswim.

i would then CC the letter to the head.

you want to start to leave a papertrail.

DS' school is reluctant to classify it as bullying even though it exists. Wasn't until DS was so distressed that I kept him out of school that they've started taking it seriously. I had put it into writing as well.

ok that gives me something to do with my bad feelings about the whole thing. I can write a couple of letters over the weekend.

Maybe the teacher does not see it as bullying, you may be right.

Yes, we're in Germany. It's a church school so not usual German state and I think therefore that they could kick us out if they chose without further ado. Not sure about it though.

I'm just wondering is there this pedagogical approach that with primary school dc, this is the way to tackle things?

SSSandy - answered your other thread - if a little incoherently.
Think our proxy's playing up so may not be able to e-mail till dh gets back later.
Fuming on your behalf.
Was trying to make clear that what your school is doing is not the norm everywhere. Seems to me they just cannot be bothered. Document everything. My dh would have been a lawyer's yesterday afternoon if that had happened to us & tho' I usually hold him back, in this case, I'd have been there too.

Yes, Sandy my dh would also have been to the lawyer, what does your dh say on the law side of it? Has he got an idea or a colleaugue in that branch?

You wrote "by the way what I mean with bullying is - calling her names, coercing other dc to go up and call her names

• tipping water into her satchel
• hitting, kicking, knocking her to the ground and kicking her in the face
• not "allowing" her to play with anyone, going up when she's playing and disturbing the game, kicking her, dragging the other dc away" and then "Maybe the teacher doesn't see it as bullying" ? As what then?

dh is a corporate lawyer well his take is to generally avoid trouble. He says I should try to "deescalate" things now. Fat lot of good having a dh who is a lawyer if you ask me. He won't be able to attend Monday morning, he'll be in Bonn. I'll think about who I could ask to accompany me though. Good idea.

Have to go, they're back and I need to make lunch. Thanks for the advice, I'll come back online later when I have a bit of peace to take it all in!