From bad to worse & beyond - long story

[Sammy3]

I've asked mumsnetters advice on DS being bullied by a boy in his class but things have taken 2 turns for the worse. Yesterday, he went to the loo when it was going home time & his class had gone when he came out, except for the bully & 1 of his mates. They proceeded to punch & kick him. He had to hit them to get them to leave him alone. One of the boys then had the nerve to tell him sorry when they walked out on the playground & to ask him not to tell anyone. Needless to say, I was livid. Couldn't see the head that day so I didn't send him to school today. I have been writing down incidents thanks to your advice, so I wrote a letter with all the details to the head which I handed her later. But first, following advice about taking your child out of school from Kidscape's website, I took him to the dr to make sure it was an authorised absence. I think she was a bit bewildered. She didn't have a standard note for signing kids out for a day so she said that she's added it to her notes & the school can confirm that she's authorised it if they want.

When we got home, the head rang since she was concerned that he wasn't in school. She seemed desperate for him to come back in, but my son reaaallllly didn't want to so I refused. We did go in for a meeting with her in which she was willing to do anything he needed to feel safe. The boys involved obviously didn't confess that anything had happened so, now armed with DS' recount & my letter she said she'd investigate. They were clever enough to make sure there were no witnesses & the only suspicion is the fact that 1 of their mothers was wondering why he was so late out, so I can guess where her investigation will go. She agreed to moving DS to his friend's table & to making sure that he's not left alone in the class, etc. She tried to get DS to agree to come back to school next week but he said he'd discuss it with me first.

One form of the bullying involves the bully claiming that DS said a swear word or called him a nasty name, which one of the bully's mates always confirms to the teacher. DS was under the impression that his name was going into the book. The head was vehement that this wasn't happening & that DS' teacher wouldn't believe the bully since he's got a long rap sheet. She even showed us the book to prove it. She said all of the teacher think DS' temper has improved greatly & think he's pretty well behaved now.

Today was report day but I forgot all about it, so I popped back to the school later to get it (unfortunately after the staff had gone home). It was a shocker. DS has breezed through the school until now & I've been advised in PT meetings that he's doing well. Last year, he had exceeds on everything & glowing comments with a brief mention of his temper. This year, there were a few exceeds but mostly achieves. The worst thing was the teacher's comments. Basically, she said he's capable of working hard, but most of her comments were about his behaviour & need to control it. The icing was his standardised test results. I'm not sure what they take in year 4, but he got a 4a each in maths & reading, but only a 3a in writing. I say only because he got all 3's when he took his SATs in year 2. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the marking of the writing part is far more subjective, so it seems to me that she's marking him down for his writing. How could he not have moved in 2 years? I know he has because I can see a massive difference. The marking of maths & reading are more objective, aren't they? So, I think she couldn't have affected his score there really. It seems she's trying to justify her mark of "good" in English on his report (one which surprised me). He's in the top group for Literacy & has always had targets set above his age, so "good" came out of nowhere to me.

Either the teacher doesn't like him, which explains why the bullying has escalated or his learning is being affected by the bullying. What do you think?

(sorry it's so long)

This must be so tough for you and your son. Has he read the report? What are his opinions on what has been said?

I am not sure how you tell whether it is the teacher not liking him of whether it is the bullying. I would hope that the teacher is professional enough not to 'dislike' the pupils (and not to mark him down). Whichever it is, it needs to be resolved. Will the new academic year be a good chance for a new start? Could you discuss the report with the current teacher now or with the new teacher in September?

Sorry I am not much help.

Thanks! Just talking to someone objective helps.

He has seen the report & was upset about several things, like the mark of "varies" for his ICT performance. He said his ICT teacher always says he's brilliant at it. I work in IT so I can confirm that his abilities don't "vary" - he's very good for his age. He was also upset by her comments.

He's moving to middle school next year. We are moving out of the area (on purpose) during next term hopefully. So, I got him a place in a middle school in our future town. It's not too far to drive daily until we move. So, I think the report was particularly nasty since it's the one the middle school will use as a basis for which groups they place him in. As I said, he's in the top groups for literacy & maths & needs to be. He'd be bored otherwise.

Do you really believe that the teacher would write those things on purpose just to make life difficult at a new school?

If your son is unhappy at school (which he undoubtedly is if he is being bullied like that) then it would surely affect his behaviour. Have you asked him about his behaviour in class and what he thinks the teacher means by that?

Hopefully when he is sat on a different table he will feel more secure and if he is using naughty behaviour as a way of venting is fear of the bully then he will be able to calm himself a little.

I hope he can survive until the end of term with his head held high. I cannot imagine what he must be feeling about going to school...poor little fella.

Actually the marking, even for English isn't as subjective as you might think - there are definite things, such as paragraphs etc that need to be included for marks to be given. Also, although they are not published, level 3 at KS1 SATs is also split into sub-levels, so your DS might have got a 3c in year 2 & so has actually moved. Also, the teacher would be very unlikely to mark down pupils as it would reflect on her if he didn't achieve his target.
I would think it is far more likely that it's the bullying that is affecting him - and could also account for the variable performance in ICT, especially if they work in pairs or groups in an ICT suite.

I think the teacher is tired of hearing DS complain about the other boy. She has never acknowledged the bullying. The bully has an SEN & she has always made excuses for him, but he's very clever in the way he bullies DS (always getting a mate to verify his lies, waiting until the teacher isn't looking, using racist names, etc.) I think her report will label him immediately to the new school as trouble, when he's actually the victim. I'm sure she knows that. All of his reports have been glowing from nursery until now, but THIS is the one they're going to use.

The bully & his mates taunt DS because they know of his temper which gets him into trouble. Even when he tries to ignore them, they lie about what he's said/done & the teacher believes them. I know this because they have claimed he's used words that he would never She basically can't control the bully & DS is paying for it.

Judging by the the list of achievements under writing, he exceeded in the mechanics of his writing (spelling, punctuation, presentation skills) but only achieved in subjective things like planning & using the appropriate language. He's been meeting all of the targets that she's set in his writing book. Other than spelling, their only homework is to write a book report each week. Judging by her comments in that, she's very happy with his progess, so I'm confused. The letter that they sent earlier explained that children should progress 1 level in 2 years, so why has he not hit the target (3 to 4 in 2 years)? She has never told me that he's falling behind his target.

My problem with the report is mainly her comments. None of which praised his achievements. Imagine if you were DS & you found the work easy & flew through the tests & hit all of your targets during the year. Disheartening! He has never felt that she supported him against the bullying & now this almost confirms that she dislikes him in some way. I keep wondering, if he's really not reaching his potential, why has she only raised the issue now? She has honestly NEVER told me this before.

As cat64 says, there is often a big difference between what a child achieves at KS1 SATs & the level they are at at the beginning of Y3 - the KS1 SATs are often not done under 'test' conditions, whereas the 'optional' SATs that they take at the end of Years 3-5 will be. Also, if your DS only just got a 3c at KS1 & just missed a 4 this year, that would be very close to one level in two years. In fact what they are actually aiming at is 12 'sub-levels' in the four years of junior school, but it's not necessarily evenly spread - most schools will use assessment tracking to keep an eye on those who may be slipping behind so they can be given extra suppport.

I understand what you're saying about the levels, but the comments in the report seem to show a bias. I think that (even with the 3a ) he's doing well academically. Yet there's no mention whatsoever in her comments. She just bangs on about behaviour, as if she wants to make sure the middle school sees him in a particular way. I don't know if it's to cover her tracks about the lack of handling the bullying issue, but seems suspicious.

I forgot to say, the bully has a history of problems & the head actually told me she has a case of problems which she can now take further. Too little too late for DS since he won't be in school with him next year, but hopefully it'll prevent problems for some other poor kid.

I hope that after a night sleep you are feeling better and you'll be able to enjoy the weekend. Perhaps your DS can prove the new school wrong and will be nothing like the report suggests. Hopefully the teachers at the new school will just make their own professional opinions of your DS and he can start a new (successful, peaceful, bully-free) life at the new school. Soon it is the holidays and hopefully he will be able to forget all about the bully.

I know these comments dont change what is in the report, but other than confronting the teacher and asking her to explain every point you are not really going to get a better explanation. Even confronting her wont change what the new school gets given. Try and praise your son and make sure he cannot pick up on your evident worrying about it and then enjoy the (sunny?) summer.

Have a lovely weekend.

Thanks.

I think it's completely unfair that he now has to disprove her comments to his new school when the school have actually failed to enforce their bullying policy. He was really looking forward to a fresh start at his new school but he's not going to get one now.

cat64 &amicissima, I am so relieved about that. I thought they'd read the report & think he was some sort of troublemaker since they wouldn't know about the bullying problem that he's had.

Thanks!!!

DS has started his new school & I think my fears weren't unfounded after all. He's been put into a literacy group that he finds incredibly easy & very boring. I have spoken to his teacher who said she suspects he's in the wrong group & will probably move him up. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later. At the moment, his literacy classes are almost a waste of time. He said his numeracy class is ok: not challenging at all, but not too boring.

Sammy TRY not to worry! I know it's easy for me to say but how about thinking they started him in an easy group to settle him in? If he is capable of harder work he will get harder work. If after half term you still feel it is a problem then go in again. His previous school's comments will mean NOTHING! His new teacher will NOT have even seen them (if it's anything like our school).
Hope DS likes the rest of his new school.

I haven't been in. I dropped a note in his bag for his teacher & she rang me, which I took as a good sign. I'm chomping at the bit, but I'm holding myself back till half term since I thought it might take that long to assess all the kids. Thanks for your reassurance, wheresthehamster.

sammy, hi.

i've read your thread with interest. i'm so sorry that your ds has had a tough time.

you seem v concerned about ds being stretched in literacy at his new school. i have to be honest, hon, and say that if my son had experienced bullying, i'd be far more worried about whether he was having fun and making friends.

i also think taht it's a mistake to get too hung up on the mark scheme/ how your ds performed in his optional SATs. i teach yr 5, and find children are full of surprises- often they exceed or fall short of expectations.

his new teacher will realise pretty soon if he needs to change groups. try to relax and certainly, don't quiz ds about whether or not the work is too easy for him. that's such an unhelpful thing to do.

i don't mean to sound harsh, but you have offered me sound advice, so i wanted to be honest and try to do the same.

good luck!

Forgot to mention, he loves the new school, especially since he doesn't have to deal with the bully & co. He enjoys going to school again, which is wonderful for me.

Good to hear

noonar, I haven't been too worried about him making friends after the bullying he experienced because he's a very friendly boy who makes friends easily. Plus, he went to a holiday club during the summer & was fine. I think it was just this group of boys who it turns out bullied other children as well. Near the end of last term, I was chatting to his best friend's mum who told me she couldn't wait to get her son away from the school because his last year that was horrible. He now attends the middle school across town, which isn't his catchment school & I guess it's to avoid the bullies who are going to the catchment one. My DS is much happier now, knowing that he'll probably never see them again.

BTW, I didn't quiz him about his classes; he told me he was bored in Literacy & thought he was in the "baby" class (as he put it). His teacher told me he's actually in a middle group. He's very talkative so he tells me a lot about what happens at school (unusual - I know).

sorry sammy, if i reacted unfairly to your post re literacy groups. i just got the impression from the OP that bullying was the main concern. i wasnt trying to suggest that your are interrogating (SP?)your ds! i just found it surprising that, when updating this thread, you were focussing on this aspect of his schooling, rather than the general 'settling in'.

i guess i just felt that if he was still being bullied and was not wanting to go to school, then the matter of which literacy group he is in would be the very least of your worries!

sorry again, if i sounded harsh.

Sorry, noonar, been away from mumsnet for a while. I should have mentioned how he was doing at his new school socially when I posted on this thread again. It's just that he settled in so well, I didn't even think of it. Reading my thread now, I can see that I should have said that first.

The good news is that at the P-T meeting his teacher said that he's on the list of children that possibly need to change groups for Numeracy & Literacy. She said they discuss it at half term, so he might be in a more suitable group when he goes back.