Sports day - dd doesn't want to go

[newlifenewname]

So, shall I make her and teach her to be all robust, like?

Or, shall I let her be mature enough to make the choice? She doesn't fuss about other things usually.

Not entirely sure why she isn't keen but I know she only likes aerobics as far as usual sports in school goes.

Is it optional though

I would have thought not

how old is she ?

to be honest in primary i would be more of a " shut yer gob and get yer trainers on"

in seniors i would be more " don't go then "

How old is she? How optional is the sports day? If she's expected to attend, I'd take the view everyone has to do things they don't like sometimes. If she has a choice, I'd let her decide.

Custardo - cross-posted. You expressed yourself so much more eloquently than I did!

No it isn't optional, strictly speaking, as she is 7 and in Infants. However, they are only doing sports at this time so she could effectively skip that part of the day.

I'm not saying my inclination is to allow her to miss it, probably the opposite, but if I do decide that she has been brave about most things and is making a choice about this one thing that I am going to respect then I won't really give a fig whether school thinks she should do it.

Much as I respect school and love this particular school in many ways I am a home edding non conformist at my core and won't just send her because everyone else thinks it's a good idea.

I hope she'll come round or at least give me a good explanation later when we chat at bedtime.

school is not optional .. she cannot just skip it

I'm rather shocked you're taking this approach to be honest

can't help it .. she's 7 of course she ruddy well has to go .. whether she chooses to put any effort into taking part is up to her of course

You cannot choose to take your child out of any part of the national curriculum apart from RE

you can choose to home ed or to send to school

Maybe I should re-consider Home ed then because school doesn't always 'fit'.

She will be terribly worried about something. She isn't a brave child as a rule and I know that there will some significant (to her) worry involved.

has she said what she's "terribly worried" about?

do you really think that teaching her to avoid things rather than face up to them is right in this situation

only you can tell, you're her mother and are the one who can work out what it is and the best way to address it but if you decide to keep her off then I'd speak to the school about it and be open with them about the serious nature of the issue

I would definitely explain to school once I knew.

It depends whether she is really thinking this through. That's what I hope she'll demonstrate when we talk but sometimes she just gets all awkward and clams up. I'm a real believer in the notion that if you believe the child will be okay then they develop self belief as a result of your confidence in them, so for this reason I am reluctant to allow her miss it. On the other hand, I don't want to bully her into going if she is really, genuinely scared and unable to face her fear on this occasion.

And, as her mother I still don't know what to decide.

My dd's school is having a swimming gala for the infants next week and tho she loves swimming she told me she did not want to go. I eventually found out that the reason is because she is in a race with the two oldest and biggest boys in her class (and she is the smallest and one of the youngest!). There are only the three of them in her races so she, understandably, feels she does not have a chance. Initially my reaction was, like yours, to tell her that she needn't go.

However, on talking it through we worked out a strategy to get her to try her hardest and enjoy the whole thing which basically meant putting all the Yr 1 names in a hat and drawing out 'teams' so I can allocate scores and she will be gaining 'points' for her team in her races. She is really excited about this and is looking forward to it all again.

Can you find out what it is that is worrying your dd and maybe find a way around it so she goes happily to the sports day?

I'm afraid that I'm going to add another vote to the she has to go pile. Have you talked to her teacher about it? My dd often said she didn't want to do things at this age, and it was often because she didn't know exactly what was going to happen, and once it was explained to her, she was fine. Is it possible that your dd has got it into her head that she's going to have to run a mile, or throw a javelin or something?

I think it's a really bad idea for girls in particular to get the idea that sport is an option.

Have esttablished that he biggest concern is that there will be grown ups watching.

Thanks for recent suggestions.

Unfortunately, I can't eliminate the grown ups so not sure what to do.

It's tomorrow.

When my dd got worried about an audience for a show she was in, I reminded her that it was an audience of mummies and we talked about how they wouldn't be looking at anyone but their own little girl. She was in another show recently, and said it was brilliant because "the audience was all grandmas - they clapped like mad whatever we did!"

If you let her miss this you are setting a precedent for future events. I would make her go because it's school and she has to - but have some lovely activity planned for when she gets home.

I would let her miss it out (am I the only one?).

I hate public performances, even after doing them in various ways my whole life (public speeches, a big wedding, some teaching) -- I still hate being centre stage. Always was, always will be, an absolutely horrible experience. The best thing about being an adult is getting to say "NOOOOOO!" to things you just don't like, and never will and no longer feel obliged to "try to get over it".

My dd, also 7 doesn't want to go to sports day either. She isn't sporty at all and is now quite aware that she isn't as fast at running etc as some of the other children in her class. She does ballet out of school and has an exam coming up. Last year she wasn't fussed about the exam at all. This year she is. Maybe it's an age thing? More self conscious?

I, too toyed with the idea of keeping her home but since ds will be there and I will be going (and so therefore would she), I am going with the "Sometimes we do have to do things we don't really want to" tact. I will be there with a big hug after her races. Who knows she might surprise herself?

I think trying to find out why is a good idea and maybe mentioning it to her teacher might shed some light. Good luck.

Missed your post about the grown up thing. I think Katelyle is right. All the grown-ups will be watching their little boy or girl.

I do understand I was the same when I was younger and I also agree with lljkk the best part of being a grown up is being able to say No or in my case yes and then sweat, worry and panic about ringing up and finally saying no!

Pic in my profile - she went and I am very, very proud of her.

She actually enjoyed it too.

Thanks for all the advice and sharing of experiences.

proud bump

Well done her!

So glad it worked out!

ah, nice to see a thread with a happy ending xxx

Thank you, we're so chuffed in this house!