Beginning to Be Very Afraid about DS starting school. Sorry - bit long.

[Fossil]

Just had a very long talk with DS (4) who is starting school in September. He has been for two afternoon induction sessions and I could tell he didn't like it, although he said he did at first. He now (2 weeks later) says he hates the school and hates the other children. The classroom is too small and he kept tripping over things, and the other children laughed at him. He says the older children (presumably already in reception and will be year 1 next year), were nasty to him.

Althoug I am prepared to take some of this with a pinch of salt, I am beginning to get a very bad feeling about all this. DS has been at nursery (not full time) for over 3 years and has always been very happy and made friends easily. He says he will miss nursery and one friend in particular who has been there all the time that he has.

The final induction afternoon is this Monday. I just do not know what I will do if he has another bad day and then we will have 8 weeks of nothing before he starts with a big bang in September and no going back. Is it too early to be worried?

Oh yes far too early to be worried. He will be fine. My ds started last year and he too had been at his previous nursery for 3 years and had loads of friends he was sad to leave.

School is a big step. It's unfamiliar and has new routines. Don't show him you are anxious, or he will be.

I think you need to stress the positives then not mention it too much during the summer. He has to go so over analysing it too much is not going to change things.

My son is just finishing reception year. He took us into his school tonight, confidently and proud of his work and my heart burst with pride for him. I thought he might get bullied maybe because he is quite a gentle boy (and had a problem with a boy that kept biting and punching him at nursery and he never fought back - big worry) but he has loads of friends and is confident and it's all good.

You are perfectly normal to have anxieties but don't make them fears, it will be fine.

Hi Fossil, my DS1 is starting in January so I still have all this to come.

It does sound a bit like he's found it a bit scary (totally naturally of course) and because loves nursery so much he could be hoping that you'll say 'Ok, you can stay at nursery then!' if he tells you how bad it was.
I obviously don't mean he's trying anything underhand on, just that in child logic, if he says he doesn't like the school maybe you won't make him go .

Maybe after 8 weeks of being at home he'll be itching to get started.

Try to relax - it sounds as if your anxiety is already affecting him.

oh, it's sooo horrible isn't it? we went to school today and poor ds looked terrified and clung to me the whole time. he seemed so little. and is usually such a confident lad as well. we went for an hour by invitation except his teacher was off on training day anyway (so why bother asking us to go then?) class was bedlam cos supply teacher there, then we went outside to play and they all had to line up for 5 of the 10 minutes cos couldn't line up properly. god I hate school.
I'll home school if it doesn't work out

But I haven't mentioned it over the last couple of weeks - we've been on holiday - so I just don't know where all this suddenly came from tonight. I did tell him he has to go, he's too old for nursery now, etc, that everyone has to go to school and so on. I was calm and rational (didn't feel it though!) I've gone out of area with this school because the local school has had a few problems, and now I'm beginning to think I've made a big mistake. But I suppose the same things could have happened whatever - he hates the school because it's not nursery.

Fossil is there anyone near to you who has a child starting the same time as you DS? Perhaps you could invite a child/couple of children over so they can get to know one another? My DD is starting in September too and myself and another of the Mums are inviting all the new starters over for a couple of hours to play etc. Would this be possible for you?

There is actually one boy from his nursery going, who is in the same class, but he was away for the last induction day. Just been talking to DH about it, and we're wondering whether to not bother going to the next induction becuase it's just too disruptive and I think will just fuel DS's anxiety.

Fossil why don't you mention this conversation to the teacher on Monday? Just so that she can make a special effort to keep an eye on him and ensure he's not having an obviously bad time.

tips

get boy from nursery who is going to school round for some playdates over summer

make friends with other parents at the induction .. swap phone numbers and try to do some meet-ups during summer .. local park / playcentres

will help you and will help DS

even if you don't do above he'll be fine .. its daunting and a change .. but he'll be fine

Thanks to everybody, it does help to talk about it.

My DS (also starting in September) went through a big 'hate school, not going' phase a few months back. My mother got him out of it with reverse psychology: 'Well, I've heard that your local school is very difficult to get into. There are lots and lots of children who want to go there, and they don't have room for all of them. They only let the really clever ones in.' and so on. Worked a treat. He also came round to the idea very quickly when he realised that there would be lots of girls there too

Agree with playdates strategy. We'll be doing a lot of that over the summer holidays. For what it's worth, it does sound as though your school's induction has been quite badly organised - ours has been really thorough and helpful.

I still feel like crying when I think about it though.