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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Y5 unkindness

5 replies

PotteryLottery · 19/02/2019 17:45

Y5 DD says she feels lonely as no one in her class other than her longstanding best friend likes her.

She then recounted lots of minor issues e.g. a boy calling her a coward, a group blaming her for a bad smell, some others saying her backpack is babyish etc...

What should I say to help DD feel better?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JoyceDivision · 19/02/2019 17:57

Talk to class teacher, busy at mo, might try to reply tomorrow but if it's constant low level unpleasant behaviour you need to flag it in, it's not just banter and not to be put up with.

Make sure DD is always open to chatting to you about it, keep your own log of incidents (easier if you can approach school with specific info) I reiterated to my dc primary is just being lumped in with 31 other kids you,your parents, your teachers all have had no say in, the council have decided that these are the people you will spend6 hours a day, 5 days a week with.

Ride out primary until it's time to spread your wings

Worst case screen shot phone messages and forward them to all parents concerned line Idid after I got fed up of the little f***s

user789653241 · 19/02/2019 19:59

I think it's the age that children start to become very self conscious and critique of others. It's not nice, but it does happen.

Why the boys calling her a coward/ bad smell/babyish? Is it totally out of nowhere or is there a reason?

TriSkiRun99 · 19/02/2019 20:12

I got my daughter a book off Amazon The Smart Girls guide to friendships it helped her start to realise she needed to also stand up for herself and that not all folk are nice. Lots of self esteem building (we made friends by going to outside of school groups) and yes talk to the teacher as well it’s a mix of everything around that age I think.

itsaboojum · 20/02/2019 10:37

"Be careful who you call your friends. I would rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies."

BubblesBuddy · 20/02/2019 12:36

I think y4/5 can be quite a divisive time. Cliques form and children can become bold in what they say. Children are not always pleasant to each other but the school should be informed and they can remind children of the "Golden Rules" or whatever standards of kindness they promote.

The other aspect is being a bit more proactive about friends. It is true, you are in a class with 29 other children, but sensing how to get along with a few of them is quite important. At this age, the boys can get silly and make daft remarks. I know it is hard to say they should be ignored, but they really prefer to have a go at children where they know their words will have an effect. Why would they have said she was a coward? That seems a very odd remark without any background information.

Therefore I woud try and analyse what she could do to have a wider group of friends within the girl group. Does she go to any outside clubs, join in with clubs at school or invite other children round for tea? Maybe check out what is the most up to date backpack? Try and remove any reason for comments.I know lots of people will not agree with this, but in my experience, expecting 28 children to change their ways rarely happens. Trying to work out how she might fit in might be more fruitful. I accept she might not want to do this of course and you might feel this is inappropriate advice. I would also be glad she has a friend because she is not alone. Working out strategies to be confident about herself might also be a good idea.

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