what would you do - do you think this is bullying?

[ejt1764]

When ds (who's 4 - just at the end of nursery class of school) came home fron school yesterday, he was absolutely soaking wet.

When questioned, he told me that when they had gone into the reception class (it was the new nursery class induction yesterday), that another boy in his class had poured water down his back. I asked him if he had told the teacher - his reply was: "Miss L (his teacher) wasn't there, but I told Mrs E (a class teacher from a different class), and she said not to worry."

It's not the first time that DS has come home and told me that this boy has done something to him - but tbh, usually I think that it's fairly minor, the sort of things kids do - but these events seem to be getting a lot more frequent.

What would you do? This boy (he's only 4 ffs) has already got a reputation for being a 'naughty' boy - and he's going to be in ds's class next year - do you think I should speak to ds's teacher?

Yes or the boys mother..

but what do I say to the boy's mother? This child, when he comes out of school point blank refuses to do what he's told ... shouts at his mum / dad to shut up ... when I've talked to her (just chatting) before, she constantly makes excuses for him!

Yes you should speak to your child's new teacher, if your child gets bullied now he could end up hating school and there are still an awful lot of years that he has to go, i know how bad it can be i was bullied myself when i was at school and ended up not sitting any of my exams cos i didn't dare go to school, nipped in the bud early is the best way - you are not over reacting.

thanks for that nellie ... I was worried that I was over-reacting ...

speak to the school, ask why this child 'gets away with it' and what are they going to do about it?
is there only one reception class ?, my dd is going into one of two, so if thats the case with you, maybe he(or the boy if you ds's friends are in that one too) could be swapped?

Speak to his new teacher and also ask why your DS was not listened to and action taken yesterday. How horrible for your DS

No not in the slightest, we all want what is best for our children and that definately includes getting a good education, children that are not happy at school don't listen as well in class and therefore don't do as well. As a point to add my childrens school provide a buddy for each new starter, the little ones are assigned there very own friend from year six who lok after them for the whole school year, if a little one was getting picked on the buddies usually intervene and get them all to be friends.

Only read the OP:
I think bullying is a strong label to start using. But a direct discussion with nursery teacher and future reception teacher would be appropriate, under the context about "recurring problems".

You may find out your child often provokes other child first, things aren't always as simple as one child makes it out.

speak to the teacher first and then if no joy speak to the head....
My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8, there was many incidents before the school recognised that my son needed a referral.
I am not saying that this child has ADHD and this is not an excuse but I always appreciated hearing from the school that they were dealing with things...

pinkchick - there are 2 reception classes, but in the one room - ds is one of the oldest in the class, so in the one class (incidentally not with his best friend!) - unfortunately, X is the oldest in the whole year group.

I have already asked if he could be swapped to be with his friend - the answer was a resounding "no" ...

lljkk - I completely understand that bullying was a strong label to use - it took me more time to work out what to say in the thread topic title than to write the op!

crispyduck - It wouldn't surprise me at all if X had ADHD - I may have a word with the head (I sing in the same choir as her!) if I get no joy with the class teacher.

It's bizarre, I've put other incidents down to 'things kids do' ... and I defintely don't think ds is any kind of angel - but for a child to come home from school absolutely soaking wet - and for nothing to be said by the teacher when he was collected seems a bit off ... will have a word with class teacher, and let you know ...

what a shame, you def need to speak to head/teachers then, it needs to be addressed now and he/his parents need to understand it wont be tolerated!..good luck

I think you need to speak to his teacher or head teacher. As a parent with a sn child who frankly needed high level supervision but didnt get it at school, I got tired of other parents telling me about things that ( only) occured in school. The school should manage the childs behaviour whilst at school, with parental support. Ok so this child might not have sn but then again he might!

Definitely speak to teacher about this - I would not approach the parents at this stage. Changing classes does not solve this kind of thing as children are thrown together at playtimes and lunchtimes anyway. You are right to want this nipped in the bud: I hope you find the support you need from the school.

Before you take it further, check whether your DS was bothered or not (ie does he see it as bullying)it might have been part of a boistrous game or an incident already forgotten by DS.

If so I would let it pass. Remember the other child is only young also.

Right, well have spoken to DS's teacher - she wasn't in with the class yesterday as it was the new nursery class's induction, and didn't know anything about it until I spoke to her.

Put it this way, when I told her that DS had said it was X who had done the pouring of water down his back, she wasn't at all surprised. She has said that she'll keep an extra eye out to make sure that X isn't picking particularly on DS ... and I have told DS to stay away from X if at all possible.

I'll leave it at that for now ... fwiw, DS was quite upset about it - he had a soaking wet shirt on, and had been very uncomfortable ... which is why I'd got involved at all - I'll need to keep an eye on things ...

thank you for all your advice - what would I do without MN?

As a quick postscript ... saw DS's best friend's mum this afternoon ... and the same child has attacked her son today!

BF offered to help X tidy up the train track, when X attacked BF, threw him to floor and started punching and kicking BF in the head ... BF's mum is horrified, BF was really upset (understandably) ... it'll be interesting to see what the school do with X now ...

What really upsets me is the fact that these children are in the nursery class ... if there's no intervention with X now, what is he going to be like when he's older?

this MUST be dealt with, this behaviour is appaling and nursery or not, he should be excluded and his parents made to deal witht he matter or loose place in school!