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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS1 excluded, please, please advise me.

25 replies

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 21:35

DS1 (year 3)has been excluded today, for the rest of the term (12 days).

Basically, he was in a fight, had to be restrained, was carried by two members of staff into school and hit one of them while he was being carried.
The head stells us he sould be excluded permanently, and will be so if the assulted teacher makes a complaint,(or the parents of the other child in the fight)

DS has missed most of this half term as he DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL. He has been diagnosed with General Anxiety disorder.

We are in the process of buying a house in walking distance of the school. Any, any ideas on this situation very welcome.

Do we send him back to same school in Sept?
Do we look at other schools?

I think I need an objective view.

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ChipButty · 04/07/2007 21:40

I ave been following your posts with interest lately. My instinct would be for a fresh start at a new school but would your son's condition still be there? I think you need help and support with his disorder before you can make an informed decision about his school. Best of luck.

RubyRioja · 04/07/2007 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123 · 04/07/2007 21:46

Have the school been helpful with your sons difficulties? Is his class teacher helpful? Having worked in schools and with children with behavioural problems sometimes the school just doesnt have the time/engry/want to do something.
If you feel they have come to the end of their helpful stage, its best to move on, however if they are still willing to work with you, keep him there. I guess what im asking is do you think the school want him there?

Lisa

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 21:48

I really don't know if the school will make any more changes. I don't think they know how to cope with him.

We could pull out of the sale of the house now without losing any money, but I was really looking forward to walking to school. Changing schools would mean a driving mad dash every morning.

OP posts:

ChipButty · 04/07/2007 21:51

Talk to the school SENCo and ask his/her advice or ask to speak to the Educational Psychologist on your local authority.

RubyRioja · 04/07/2007 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 04/07/2007 21:53

Im tempted to say hold off with the house move until you know whether that school is going to be the best for him in the longer run, you may wish to move next to a different school?

Sorry not sure if you have other children who will be at the current school?

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 21:53

Luckily we have (finaly) an apt' with clinical psychologist on Friday. will they be able to advise me on what to do? I hope so.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 21:56

DS2 is starting at the partner infants in Sept' with his pre school friends. I refuse to change his school as I know he will be rally happy with his friends with an excellent teacher. A change of shcool for DS! would mean a mad dah every morning, but I'm prepared to do it if it's worth while.

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CarGirl · 04/07/2007 21:58

well if he ends up having special needs and the school the LEA say is most suitable for him is more than 2 miles away he would get transport anyway and save you the mad dash? Perhaps a silver lining if he does get excluded?

essbeehindyou · 04/07/2007 22:02

Message withdrawn

perpetuaphoenixfire · 04/07/2007 22:10

my ds was excluded nearly every week at his old school, he has aspergers but they didnt know what it was and werent prepared to learn. changing schools was a difficult decision but he has had a great year, made friends (had none at old school), done good work, teachers keep telling me how fab he is... couldnt have been better. go and look around schools, tell them he has general anxiety disorder and let them tell you what they can do to help. its one thing listening to you and saying they will go along with your suggestions, its different having suggestions of their own as it means they actually know what they are doing. i moved ds2 aswell as i could not have got them both to different schools and although it has been a bit tough he has also made friends and settled in well. if you cant find a school who convince you they are better then maybe its better the devil you know but doesnt sound like it really. i assume he has a statement? if school wont apply you can and im told parental applications have a better chance of being approved

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 22:25

DS doesn't have a statement, but he is bing ragarded as having SEN by the school. The staff on playground duty weren't aware of this, though.

I me really angry he was put in a position (being carried by legs and under arms), where he felt he so scared and humiliated he had to hit out. They simply can't cope with him. Yet we've had to since he was born.

Good job we don't give up on him when ever he's lashed out at us!

LOL at who's idea it was to keep him at home - we can't get him in!! I begged and wept this morning, pleading with him to go to school, as it was the pre school trip- I had to go with DS2 and really couldn't take DS1 with us. Basically, I needed childcare.

He has told us so many times he hates this school,that he has no friends, that he doesn't wasnt to go. He is too big to be physically dragged in. I think it's time I listened to him.

I'm just scared that things will be the same at a different shcool.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 04/07/2007 22:33

It is interesting that staff can manhandle a pupil and then exclude him for hitting out, but are quite prepared to look the other way when school bullies torment and injure other pupils. I really despair of the state system in this country.

essbeehindyou · 04/07/2007 22:35

Message withdrawn

NKF · 04/07/2007 22:37

It sounds like the wrong school for him. Awful for you and him. Can I just say though - awful for the teachers too. They don't want to have to restrain children. And being hit is horrible.

perpetuaphoenixfire · 04/07/2007 22:41

i would apply for a statement, if things are this bad he needs extra help. ask your lea if there is a parent helpline to discuss it - it gives the school extra money which they can spend on support for him so well worth filling in a few forms. sounds like there is nothing to lose in changing schools, you just want to be sure the new one can help him, make sure they can tell you how they would help him and look at all the schools, i hadnt considered church schools as i am not religious but the school we are at now is catholic and i can get over the religion because they are so lovely.

it can get better, i thought ds would be at home forever, i had no idea he could actually fit in and enjoy school, the head at his last school seemed to think he was satan! his current teacher comes to find me in the playground to tell me how lovely he is. its amaxzing the difference teachers attitudes makes

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 22:48

It is awful for the teachers. From what I can tell, it was all too much for his lovely class teacher, who had to leave the situation. Teachers shouldn't have to deal with children behaving like this. This situation should never have occured in the firts place. I'm just amazed he is the first child the teachers have come across who behaves like this.

There is a huge difference between dragging in a 4 year old and an eight year old into school. I used to get dressed up in the morning as I knew we would be the show of the play groundT that was when he was 4. With 2 younger children, I have to get somebody to have them in order manhadle a kicking scraming child, with all my streangth, into a school is is going to run out of.

OP posts:

mamazon · 04/07/2007 22:54

i would suggest that whilst your ds ios at home you go into teh school and have a meeting with the head, his class teacher and the school SENCO.
you can discuss the ways you can work together to help the situation.

they could call in an ed Psych to asses your Ds as he may be able to get a statement, this will help the school get extra funding in order taht they can provide him with the extra help at times of pareticular difficulty.

I would also suggest they get some advice from teh LEA's inclusion team. they woul asses him and give the school some tips on helping dealw ith him when he is being particularly difficult.

if the school are unwilling to make an effort with him in order to aid his time at teh school then yes i would most definatley move schools.
however inconveniant, if your child has additional needs you MUST have the support of teh school for him to thrive.

Malaleche · 04/07/2007 22:56

My brother had a friend who had a 'school phobia', he had friends, just couldnt stand school, his parents had him tutored at home in the end, not sure if the council paid for it or not, was about 25 yrs ago. Sorry if homeschooling/tutoring is not an option for you, i have no experience with your situation but seems to me your kid needs a break from school, take the heat off for a while iykwim, is he anxious about other things too?

Malaleche · 04/07/2007 22:57

i know its not possible to keep your dc off school but i just feel for him, he must really hate it.

perpetuaphoenixfire · 04/07/2007 23:00

i felt sorry for ds teachers til it became apparent how little they cared and i was told to remove him from school. after seeing his new teachers with him i think the lot of them should be sacked. its amazing how your point of view can change. i know this isnt always the same but ds was frequently violent in old school, in new school we have a had a couple of incidents but nothing major.

Original poster

MrsScavo · 04/07/2007 23:19

I've just re read the 'statements of incidents re 4th July' that the school have given us.

It seems very clear that the staff were determined, above all, that DS should stay inside during afternoon play, for an incident that occured during morning play. They need to know when to let things go with him.

Shall be looking for a new school tommorow am.

OP posts:

essbeehindyou · 04/07/2007 23:34

Message withdrawn

juuule · 05/07/2007 07:30

I agree with Malaleche. At the very least something needs to be sorted out at the school before he is returned.

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