Any primary teachers (reception) out there? Advice needed plse..............

[DrNortherner]

Oh where do I start?

Ds is 5, started reception last September as a bright, chatty, sociable little chap albeit a little excitable/boisterous.

Since starting his teacher has reported on many ocassions problematic behaviour. We are going to school tomorrow for a meeting with her and the head (2nd one we've had)

Examples of his behaviour:
Not listening
Lifting up a girls skirt
Dropping his trousers in front of other kids (him and 3 others did this)
Telling other kids to do things he knows are wrong (ie going behind shed at playtime)
Gooing into Junior's playground when it is out of bounds
Kicking a boy who stole his friends hat

The teacher says she has been observing him in class and he shows signs of 'nasty manipulation of his peers' The example she gave of this was ds telling his friend to take a lego man off another child and give it to him.

He is a natural leader and quite bossy, she sees this as a total negative and calls it manipulation.

All of this aside I can honestly say his first experience of school has not been a nice one. His teacher is constantly negative about his behaviour. She has given him 2 stickers for good work all the time he has been there. He even says she does not like him as she shouts at him all the time.

At first he developed ticks (blinking/grunting etc) this passed and now we have toilet problems and I am sure it is all linked to school and he is stressed/anxious.

Because of this I feel resentment towards her and am wondering what to do. I am questioning if this school is the best environemnt for my ds to thrive in, or am I being oblivious to the fact he is a challenging boy?

In my defence all of my friends and family who know ds do not recognise the boy she is describing.

I guess what I'm asking is how can I politely put it to school that she is not bringing out the best in him?

How can I make it better for my ds?

Sorry it's long, but good to get it off my chest.

If I were you, I would arrange a meeting with the teacher (take someone with you as support) and say exactly what you've said in this post and take it from there.

It may be that there is a personality clash, or he's in with a bad bunch or he's bored?

Only a few weeks to go with this teacher presumably anyway and perhaps you can use the holidays to talk with him about his behaviour (although I'm sure you have but the holidays may mean a big enough break from it all so you can both look at it objectiviely IYSWIM)

You sound very defensive Northerner, which is understandable, but won't help.

Please try and put it on one-side. The most positive thing you can achieve at this meeting (IMO) is for the teacher and HT to believe that you are on the same side as them, that you deplore any poor behaviour on the part of your ds, and that you won't to work with them to rectify any problems.

Will he have a different teacher next year?

Try and discuss with them what strategies have worked with him this year at school, and what works well at home; and what doesn't work.

Sounds to me like he is bored and finding ways to use his intellect as the teacher is not challenging him!

Will he get a new teacher in Year 1? Do you know how different year 1 is? In my dcs school there is a very big jump from Reception to year 1 and my bright but silly dd struggled for half a term to settle down.

If there is a big jump it may suit your ds.

I think if you try and criticise the school they are likely to get defensive, so maybe you could try and turn the talk to the future and how his new teacher can challenge him and channel his intellect effectively.

Do you know what interests him - eg my dd loved the topics they did about people so the teacher gave her extension work to do if she wanted, but she struggles with maths so they took that more slowly. If you can come up with things he enjoys maybe you could get them to focus on those next year if they see challenging behaviour.

Whether it is the right school will depend a great deal on this meeting and how you feel about whether they are being positive for next year or just determined to label him 'naughty'

Good luck

Thanks guys. Yes Roisin I know I am defensive about it and I need to not show that at our meeting. I know he is a lovely, kind boy and for some reason she is not seeing that in him for some reason.

I do want to help him improve his behaviour at school and will work with them on this.

He will get a different teacher in Yr 1 and I will ask how different the school day will be in the new year.

we had something similar, but not to such an extent, with DS' old year 1 teacher

he didn't misbehave but she just kept giving him warnings

so one morning I said 'oh you know we've found out that ds really responds well to positive praise and I was wondering if we could focus on encouraging the positive sides of his behaviour' .. worked a treat

Hi Doctor Northener! I'm a nursery teacher, not Reception, but hey ho! I would speak frankly but tactfully to your childs teacher, and the HT too. Make it clear you are supportive if there are any issues, but point out that your child responds well to praise, positive reinforcement such as stickers or merits or whatever they use. Maybe even a bit of fun [god forbid...., or anything else that brings out the best in your ds. Ask about the group of friends he plays with. and point out that he has only had 2 stickers in a year. They reckon that for every negative, 2 good things should be recognised. Does the school have a behaviuor policy? stratgies?

Also, year 1 will be a fresh start, maybe they do a lot of work on transition to make the jump easier for the children? Maybe you could ask how they intend to support the children through the move to year 1 , or if the continue the early years curriculum in year 1 at the start of the year?

Sorry if I have rambled, just trid to mention most points...

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Thanks for teh advice guys

Blimey. If half those things were true of my child, I'd be grovelling with apologies.

Thanks for that NKF

Sorry Dr Northerner. But you did ask if you were being oblivous to challenging behaviour. And to be honest, I think you are. Not just from this post but from a similar one where feedback came that other people had been bothered by things your child did at a party. Feel free to ignore everything I say and there will be dozens of people telling you that this is just high spirited, normal boy behaviour and perhaps he's so super bright that he can't ccntain himself. I can hear that you're distressed and your boy sounds unhappy at school and that's awful. Anyway, I hope you find a way to a positive solution.

Oh no. .

i wondered how he was getting on Northerner.

I wouldn't be happy if a teacher described my child (or anyone's child, actually) as doing something 'nasty' - she does seem to have become a bit personal about it.

But I wouldn't be happy if my DS did many of the things you describe, either.

Having said that, there are plenty of children who did such things in DS's reception clas, who have now settled down.

Yr1 is quite a big step, and he may find that he is more challeneged, and will pit himself against his work. I also think that it is important that small children get lots of praise when they have shown progress or don well, and it may be that she has forgotten this.

I truly hope that a new teacher and a new year will make it all click for him.

But it is hard not to read these two sentences "The teacher says she has been observing him in class and he shows signs of 'nasty manipulation of his peers' The example she gave of this was ds telling his friend to take a lego man off another child and give it to him.

He is a natural leader and quite bossy, she sees this as a total negative and calls it manipulation. " without thinking that it veers more towards troublesome manipulation than 'natual leadership', tbh. He has worked out how to get what he wants while someone else gets into trouble - and someone else gets thier lego taken off them! I don't know how I would deal with that, but I think tht is what I would be asking.

I don't think it's a heinous crime, or marks him as being horrid in any way - he's a reception-aged child, after all - perhaps some thinking about how other people feel?

As a teacher I believe that every child starts the new year with a clean slate, regardless of previous behaviour. Hopefully when he enters Y1 he will have a clean slate and it is up to him to prove that he is well behaved, can listen well, doesn't 'manipulate' other children etc etc. It sounds like the current teacher has done as much as she can and he is still not behaving as she would want him to (i have followed some of your posts too and know that you have had a few issues with her). It't the end of the year, thank her for all of her work with him, you appreciate her time etc and just hope that he settles better in Y1.

Then in September he will either go to school and be a 'different child' there and it has purely been a clash of personality / maturity issue. Or he will play the new teacher up and then you need to start listening and supporting the school (not that I'm saying you don't already but there will be with little room for defending him if it continues).

I kind of feel for you as I have a ds starting school in September and I would hate to be in some of the situations you have found youself in this year, parents discussing his behaviour etc. However, I have also been there as a teacher and it's very frustrating to a) not make progress with a child's behaviour and b) not have the full support of the parents - he's not like this at home etc.

Good Luck.

How was the meeting, Northerner?

Ho guys, thanks for the messages. I'm a tad exhausted after a long day with ds at teh hospital, he broke his wrist 5 weeks ago and today had the pot off, and an operation under GA to remove the metal pins, he has been distressed and exhuasted and is now fast asleep in bed!

The meeting went well actually. I really like the Head, who had some excellent advice and strategies.

I now know who's class he will be in in Yr1 and feel hopeful that a new year/start will be the making of him.

His first year at school has been a learning curve for me too!

It's so hard to take negataive critisism of your own child, but I'm getting there

OMG Northerner - what a day.
DS broke his wrist? It sounds awful.
I'm so pleased you had a good meeting with the head...and that the Yr1 teacher sounds good - now enjoy the summer!