Can TA’s in the school be friends with parents?

[JKCR2017]

I know that different schools have different policies but where do the boundaries lie with teaching assistant being friends with parents? I understand that teachers generally shouldn’t be friends with parents.

Basically I live in a medium sized village with one school, most of the teaching assistants live here and a fair few have children here so you often know them through your children when they are tiny, rather than the school.

Anyway, I was Facebook friends with a TA at the school that I considered a friend as our children were the same age and I knew them before they went to school but she has deleted me as it’s schools policy that staff can not be Facebook friends with parents. Fair enough I thought.. but surely exceptions are made if the TA and parent know each other quite well outside of the school environment? But I’ve realised that other teaching assistants in the school are friends with parents who probably knew each other beforehand? 🧐

The only thing is that DS does have additional needs and one to one support so maybe I’m not allowed to be friends with her because of this? (But she has never worked with DS mind).

Of course, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t friends. I will still see her about...

Sorry for the babble. But I’m not sure if it’s just me or whether it’s frowned up on for every parent!

I think it's unavoidable in small towns and villages that staff are going to know some families but there needs to be boundaries. I think she was right to unfriend you on Facebook as otherwise it could lead to accusations of favouritism if the TA is publicly friendly with some parents.

I wouldn't take it personally.

Don’t take it personally. I used to work in a big inner city school in a different part of the city to where I lived and a few months after I started I found that I’d gone to school with two of the mums. They’d been my friend since 1980s but I still had to unfriend them (obviously I explained why and they understood) but it had to be done.

It's part of our policy that we shouldn't be friends on social media with parents and/or children.

Of course in our small village where many ta's have children at school it's understandable that some ta's and parents are friends. I only have 2 parents as friends on FB... But that's my dd's 2 best friends who we know well outside school. But they're not the class I work with anyway. (Headteacher aware and ok with it as long as no discussion about school takes place...which is fine by me)

We have also been told to change our names so children and families cannot friend request us.

I wouldn't take it personally. At my DC's school there is one TA who has a reputation for buddyibg up with the posh/cliquey mums which apparently pissed off the other mums (I think because she would see some kids out of school more often and bond more with them or because they felt it was unprofessional). I know some people complained and it was a whole headache for the headteacher so I can imagine some teachers and schools prefer to play it safe and just defriend so even if you are friends in real life it's less public.

Teachers and TAs can be friends with whoever they choose. It's only on social media that rules apply.

Regrettably the issue is around different aspects of safeguarding, which has led to schools insisting that staff do not have friends who are parents or pupils. There is also a problem with FB pages that staff have that with their own friends and as a closed group but which still end up with comments and especially pictures getting into the open pages of the site.
Part of the conditions of employment for teachers is around the terms and conditions they have to abide by, which very definitely includes their behaviour in public and on the web. There are plenty of teachers who have been suspended and sacked for things said and done on the net, so schools tend to be strict about what is and is not acceptable.

It must be very hard for them but I know some teachers TAs at my sons school pretty well and we always keep a certain level of formality at school.
One friend actually became a TA at the school several years after I had met her and (with my agreement) she removed me from FB. She eventually became DD’s TA in y6 and I always referred to her as Mrs X to DD
I’m PTA Chair as well so know a lot of teachers socially ( we have meals out a few times a year etc) but we still have a certain formality at school so “Karen” outside school becomes “Mrs xyz” at school. It doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable,on School premises it’s different. One teacher who is also a parent will walk down to the carpark with me at pick up/drop off almost in silence but once we get off school grounds she’s friendly and chatty like someone flicked a switch.

One of my friends sisters teaches at the school too and even she refers to her as “Mrs abc” at school

It is ridiculous that schools think they can police their staff’s friendships. They do not own their employees or have the right to run their lives outside school. I have been a teacher for a long time and have seen many legally unenforceable policies in action in various schools where I have taught. I have remained friends with parents new to the school, become friends with parents of pupils all without problems, whatever school policy has said. The main thing is to remain absolutely professional. Never discuss school except on a purely factual basis, for example term dates or other non contentious issues. Don’t discuss pupils, staff or anything else sensitive and never post anything dodgy on social media and keep your privacy settings at maximum privacy. If you have children and/or live anywhere near your school how are you going to avoid other parents anyway?

Don't take it personally. I've been friends with Dc2(7/y3)'s teacher since we were about 2. But we've not been 'fb friend's' since Dc1 started at the school. We still interact socially & chat just as much as we've always done via WhatsApp/text message. I used to be fb friends with a couple of the nursery staff too but as Dc4 has now started we've 'unfriended'.

I think it's very professional judgement to unfriend you online. You can still be friends off line. It's just that the things you talk online remain there forever, and can be read by anyone.

DD went to primary school with a TA at her DC1's school (the same school they both attended), they had been facebook friends since they signed up to it about 10+ years ago and although they went to different high schools they maintained contact and had mutual friends so would meet up semi-regularly. TA explained to my DD that she would have to delete her from facebook and she would probably not be able to meet up with her unless it was occasionally in a group situation and not at all if she was working in DC1's class/year group due to the school's policy.

I’m PTA Chair as well so know a lot of teachers socially ( we have meals out a few times a year etc) but we still have a certain formality at school so “Karen” outside school becomes “Mrs xyz” at school. It doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable,on School premises it’s different. One teacher who is also a parent will walk down to the carpark with me at pick up/drop off almost in silence but once we get off school grounds she’s friendly and chatty like someone flicked a switch.

I’m PTA chair too. Know all the staff on first name terms and have several of them on Facebook, including the headteacher!

Is she generally conscientious? I would read it as she's being professional rather than take it personally. No reason you can't still be friends in real life.

I've worked in several sectors that have involved handling incredibly confidential information about people I've known, been friends with or been related to. Every time, I've told whatever manager I've had about the link, but never been asked to step back. My current boss is aware of such a connection and says I'm trusted to not be a dickhead.

If I were told I had to separate/disconnect as part of policy, I'd follow instructions - but I wouldn't do it otherwise unless the other person were attempting to blur the lines (I did tell somebody once that their fishing for information was pissing me off - the only time it's ever happened - and I already knew something about the OH's past before he told me about it because I had been the person on the other end of the phone line sorting it out).

I'm sure your friend is only doing what is expected of her in terms of the school's policies.

I'm married to my son's teacher - I think we're friends too.

We're not Facebook friends - he deleted me, along with everyone else when he got fed up with all the rules.

So, I’ll be starting my role as a TS in September.

My partners mum is close friends with the mother of some students who will be attending the school I’ll be starting at. One is aged 15 with autism and the other is 11 in August

we’ve been our for meals together, days out to special occasions and we’ve been round each other’s houses for drinks.

I don’t want this to impact my job etc as I know the students personally- my partner tutors one of the daughters.

I won’t be drinking around them again ( this wasn’t just me on my own, it was me , my partners., his parents and their parents etc)

im just worried that my history of being friends with the students family will affect my future role

Yes don’t take it personally. An old drinking buddy is my DS headteacher! Felt odd that he briefly became an incredibly important person in our family life during lockdown as it was partially up to him as to whether DS got keyworker places at the school.

We are still friends on Facebook but I’ve noticed I can’t see any of his friends, presumably he’s friends with half the staff…..

I totally understand that he’s a normal person and is entitled to a private life so I don’t gossip about what he puts on social media nor what we got up to in our 20s…..!

Genuine question - why? What's wrong with being friends on social media?