Sensible response to playground violence

[HJBeans]

Today my DS (5) told me one of his classmates came up to him while he was playing hide and seek with another child and punched him hard enough to make him fall over and hurt his leg. He said this child, who he’d thought was a friend for a few days at the start of term, has been hitting other children for a while now and they ply with different groups of kids. When he got hurt my DS told the classroom assistant who put a cold compress on his leg and told him to tell his teacher. He did and both he and the other kid were asked to clarify what happened - then my son was sent away and the other kid was punished. I heard nothing from the school so this is all on the word of a 5-year old.

My son’s been having trouble sleeping and being unsettled emotionally lately, and I wonder if this kid picking on him / being violent to others might have something to do with it. At any rate he asked to sleep in his little brother’s room tonight and as he was going to sleep asked if maybe the other kid didn’t get enough sleep and maybe that made him hit other people.

My questions are: should I be speaking to the school / teacher at all to understand what’s been happening better, or just leave them to it unless my son’s sleep problems get worse? What is the best thing to tell my son about how to act at school and about why the other kid is acting like this?

Sounds very similar to a boy in my DS class Who plays with my son but is very horrible to kids for no reason. He has even punched my son in the face which I had to be informed about as it was a particularly bad punch I was told. Whether its wrong or right my son has also hit him back once during another incident. He has only ever done it once though. Which I have to say, we discussed other avenues for him to take but I can't be annoyed at him for sticking up for himself.

I have found school very vague. I haven't been told what action is being taken or know if any has, other than he had to sit in the headmasters office for the day. I also found it difficult speaking to a teacher about it as they aren't allowed to say much. It happens every day! His parents are always being pulled aside in the playground.
One thing that did annoy me was I found out my son was punished because he just cried when he was asked why he hit him and didn't give an answer. When I got to the bottom of it I met with his teacher and said I wasnt happy about the lack of supervision and that if the school had handled the issue we had discussed then my son wouldn't have done it. I don't condone violence and I won't raise my son to believe it is acceptable. But I won't let him believe he can't stick up for himself either.
If your child is affected by this other child then you need to speak to the teacher as that cannot go on.
One of my sons friends used to really cry whenever the boy who harms others went near him. They had to keep him away as he became terrified of him

If your son is anxious it's worth addressing with the school. If this boy has a pattern of violent behaviour it needs addressing immediately both for his sake and the safety of the other children.

There should have been an “accident” report for your DS. What happens to the other child is down to the Head of the school. The member of staff who dealt with your DS should have spoken to the teacher, not your DS. I would speak to his teacher about this because asking a young child to do it isn’t good enough.

You have to reassure your DS that the school is doing its best! Look at the behaviour policy. Also mention to the teacher that your DS was upset and his routines seem to have been interrupted. I hope he feels more positive next term. Sometimes young children are not wary of other children because they have insufficient experience to weigh up behaviour traits. It will develop but in the meantime, reassure him that school is a good and caring place and that most children will be friendly and trustworthy. Even the naughty child might be experiencing a blip! Let’s hope so.

Thanks, everyone. I don’t want to be ‘that parent’ and am still working out the differences between nursery where we had a report every day and paperwork for any visible bumps and school where a lot more seems to be down to the child dealing with things independently. My son hasn’t linked his sleeping problems with the aggression he seeing at school and doesn’t seem terribly upset about the punch, but I’m left wanting to know from an adult what’s happened and what the response will be. I’ve looked at the discipline policy and will have a word with the teacher in the new year. My son introduced the subject with me but urged me ‘not to send a note in’ because everyone else just ‘gets on with it’. I think he’s already not feeling social pressure not to make a fuss.

I’m a teacher and have to deal with both sides of it. It’s so hard as when a child is violent to another child having 5 mins time out or no break is the only punishment available. Some parents don’t give a toss that their child is hurting others and some parents are mortified and are just trying to their best. Watch out for anxiety even at 5 as it can get worse. Is there more than one class? Next academic year could your child be in the other class so he gets a break. School’s hands are tied as you can’t exclude easily and it’s all about understanding the behaviour.