Harsh Year 4 teacher

[forthysia38]

My son in year 4 has been telling me about his class teacher being particularly harsh on them. It’s a boy heavy class, 20 boys to 10 girls, my son has always been the quiet one, never had behavioral problems before, but every week he got one or two ‘time on the wall’ or ‘lost play time’ for petty things like taking pencils out from drawer during test / picking up pencil from table when told to stop writing ”It was rolling off the table~”

He has been telling me throughout the term about this teacher being unfair and got told off/ punished/losing playtime not knowing what he did wrong. He is not the only one, other kids got the same.

I didn’t think much of it at first, just encouraged him to do well, to understand what the teacher expected and to try and find out what he did wrong when he got told off. He dared not say a word to the teacher or ask questions, just suffered in silence.

How can I help him?

I have met the teacher (middle aged lady, year head) she is a little bit standoff-ish, she said my son hasn’t said a word to her yet during the first two weeks of term, I know DS must be quite scared of her. What can I do to make things better? DS is doing well academically and his school reports from previous years were all somewhat glowing certainly not difficult to work with.

It all dawned on this weekend when we were doing cards for teachers. My son was telling me about how so nice the TAs are, that they were the best teachers ever, that they say hello to him every morning and smiles to him, “So the class teacher doesn’t then? ” I was surprised,“No, she is just grumpy and shouty and angry all the time.. ”

I know teachers have the hardest job in the world, and twenty boys in a class is hard work but school life does sound miserable, and I hate to see DS feeling timid and scared. Switching school? Talk to head? Complain? Big fat gift card ? Your thoughts please.

I can see why you're concerned. Could you arrange a meeting with your teacher and bring up your concerns. Obviously you would approach it from a collaborative perspective. You're worried because DS has always liked school and now seems worried and anxious. He isn't sure why he's getting in trouble and is too scared to ask.

Thank you~ I did some googling and found out this had been asked many times before. I do think meeting the teacher is good way to break the ice for DC, any tips on how to arrange that meeting is welcome ~ actually come to think of it I am a bit afraid of the teacher too, she was talks really fast in the last parent teacher meeting, it seems whatever you ask she has an answer already and it shoots out at 120mile/hour.

My ds had a teacher like this in the past. It's sad to say it, but some teachers are naturally like this, especially they have a lot to handle.
My approach was to tell my ds good things about the teacher, that everything she does is because she cares for him. And also the teacher is a human being, so sometimes makes mistakes, when he was shouted at for walking on the right side of the corridor while all the other children were on the wrong side.
It's very tricky, I think. She may not appreciate having a meeting about it, the topic of the meeting really need to be totally away from the root cause, that the problem is the teacher's personality. I am a weakling, so I encouraged my ds to just keep his head down and try to avoid anything to cause him trouble for that year.

I have two children who wanted fairness above all else from teachers. I agree that this is a reasonable expectation at school. In view of the situation, in that your DS feels she is unfair and he is scared of her, I think you have to try and advocate for him. I would be making an appointment to see her and be totally honest about how your DS is feeling. At my DDs old school, a young teacher behaved like a sergeant major. Some children kept their heads down and put up with it, others complained! Parents complained. She toned down a bit. No one wanted to be in her class for a couple of years but she managed to change.

So try and see her and talk frankly about how your child feels in the atmosphere she creates. It is not conducive to a good learning environment. If she pushes back and there is no change, then I would see the Head. Teachers are supposed to buy into the ethos of the school, and frightening children is rarely on the list. Headteachers have a responsibility to ensure the school is welcoming and children are able to learn. This clearly isn’t happening if he is too scared to speak.

My elder DD is now a barrister so fairness was deeply ingrained! She also grew up being able to speak up for herself (and suffered a great injustice in y6) so it gets easier as they get older. In the meantime, you have to do it for them. Good luck.

I still shudder thinking of my Y3 teacher, Mrs Till. She was an absolute beast of a woman and should not have been in that role at all in my opinion. I would do as much as you can to try and get your DS away from her, I doubt her opinion will change for the better after a whole term of this treatment.

All teachers have different styles as you will know from your school years yourself, some you like, some you don't, some that scare you a little and some who are very approachable. This is a fact of life and everyone id different, but the same goes for every job and workplace. I do not think it will go down well if you ask for a meeting and are hoping this teacher will change their style. A top heavy class of boys will most likely be challenging and possibly the class teacher is having to be more strict due to that, or possibly not. I totally understand where you are coming from, I have experienced it as a child myself and have had years where my children had such teachers. Perhaps work on building up his confidence and resilience as he is going to need it especially when coming across the myriad of different teacher styles at secondary school. As for the pencils and fiddling, it may seem mild to you, but all of the children need to stop and listen and not fiddle when the teacher tells them as it is very distracting when you are talking and you can see someone doing it out of the corner of your eye, it is about following instructions.

My son, when in reception year, had a horrible teacher on a job share. for 3 days of the week he loved going into school (with the nice teacher) and the other 2 days it was horrible. He was a good boy as well. He came home once and burst into tears because he had been told off because he followed a naughty girl in taking time to deliver the register to the office. I was worried but I did not mind him being told off because he did wrong. I wanted to call her and just say he is really worried he has been told off - can you please just make sure you say hello tomorrow and so he knows it is forgotten. However, before I could do that she shouted down the phone - 'he did wrong and got punished for it' and slammed the phone down on me. I was a Governor at the time and raised this with the HT. I am not sure it was my doing but she was moved to a higher year after that. She was definitely not suitable for reception year... it is a lovely age with probably a couple of rogues. But seriously - 4 / 5 years old, they respond to praise more than punishment.

@crimsonlake - I totally agree but there are also limits. When my son went to secondary school I said to him to suck it up because he will find worse people in work and life and you have to learn how to deal with them. That is fine. But in year 4, at 9 years old. What OP states is near tantamount to bullying.

Dandygal, I understand and am most sympathetic to the op's plight. I am a teacher and have worked in many schools over the years and have encountered such people from both sides of the fence. In my view one person challenging the teacher's fierce approach, which has probably been ingrained for years will not make a difference. Possibly the op needs to get other parent's on her side and make a united stand so that it would be viewed in a different light.