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Original poster

Homophobic Name Calling

15 replies

NameChangeNameChangeName · 14/12/2018 17:31

Hi,

My Y6 son has come home from school upset today as he’s been called gay by another boy. This isn’t the first time this has happened and the teacher spoke to the boy’s parents last time.

I will be writing to the school as his teacher was off sick today, so he only told the cover teacher.

Do schools have to log homophobic incidents? If they do, do you know where it is logged? As this isn’t the first time I would like to make sure it’s properly recorded this time.

The boy also made fun of my son’s appearance (he has mid length hair), so I will include this in my letter.

Any advice would be great, thank you.

OP posts:
Hohocabbage · 14/12/2018 17:36

What outcome do you what? Do you need to write, call or email the office and pass on your concerns. Ask them to call you to speak to you about what they will do to support your son. There should be a log yes but probably only used for serious incidents. How serious or otherwise this is would need investigation. If it reassures your son this is an insult of choice for many children and will be aimed at absolutely any boy.

Original poster
NameChangeNameChangeName · 14/12/2018 18:03

Thank you cabbage.

I would like to write instead of calling so there’s a record of it as the head teacher has previously denied incidents that have happened.

I would like them to speak to the boy and make him understand that this language is not ok to use. Unfortunately he is from a family where this sort of thing is absolutely ok and they wouldn’t accept a child of theirs being gay.

OP posts:
giftsonthebrain · 14/12/2018 18:43

I don’t think your approach will teach him resilience. A quick comeback would probably be better in the long run. Team that up with a bit of martial art and you will prepare him for decades to come.

floradora · 14/12/2018 18:50

Schools do have to record and report homophobic incidents. Giftsinthebrain the point is for the school to make the point that homophobic language is unacceptable and that there are consequences for this kind of verbal abuse (as there would be in the workplace ). Also it's an ooportunity for the school to challenge the prejudice behind the language and to educate the name-caller (and possibly the family )

giftsonthebrain · 14/12/2018 19:01

I’ve never experienced someone of authority talking to young boys being effective. Not like a 10-11 or even some 15 year olds want to be in school, so sanctions can be ineffective.
Is being called gay, still associated with homophobia, I get the impression young people use that interchangeably with lame.
I’m just not convinced the admin route will be effective long run.

Feenie · 14/12/2018 19:18

It's classed as a hate incident and their number per term has to be reported to the LEA, and as such has to be taken very seriously.

floradora · 14/12/2018 19:19

is being called gay still associated with homophobia...use that interchangeably with lame....so youre saying gay=lame=fine not to challenge this? gifts you are saying its ok to use the word "gay" to put someone down and that the school or parent shouldn't "go down the admin route"?

giftsonthebrain · 14/12/2018 19:50

No, go the admin route BUT back it up with more practice advice.

Beamur · 14/12/2018 19:58

My DD got called gay in yr5. She just laughed it off because she didn't find it insulting.

Beamur · 14/12/2018 19:59

But, it's not ok and if your son was upset the school should do something.

Original poster
NameChangeNameChangeName · 14/12/2018 20:00

gifts I know that some people use ‘gay’ as lame/not cool/crap but it is still also used as a homophobic insult as well. Even if the child had meant it in a ‘lame’ way, isn’t that just reinforcing that gay=a bad thing?

Thanks flora and Feenie.

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 14/12/2018 20:01

My DD got called gay in yr5. She just laughed it off because she didn't find it insulting

Well, great for your daughter.

Whether your child is upset by terms such as this or not, it is appropriate, as a mirror of the adult world, to inform authorities of incidence such as this. The school needs to deal with this - it is not appropriate nor acceptable speech from anyone. Telling a child "well, you need to learn to deal with it", isn't the same as the adult world. You wouldn't tell an adult "well, you need to just learn resillience".

giftsonthebrain · 14/12/2018 20:09

Yes it is a negative comment. But in comparison to modern music full of f this f that pussy cunt I’d still suggest a retaliatory comment backed up with physical skillls.

Feenie · 14/12/2018 22:14

It isn’t just a negative comment - it’s a hate incident, and it’s statutory to report it. It doesn’t matter what you think.

Weenurse · 14/12/2018 22:19

Report, but also come up with a response your Son can use if this happens again.
I also agree some martial arts training will help with control and dealing with any other incident.

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