Not letting siblings play together

[upsideup]

I have 3 kids in the same school, DD(4), DS2(5) and DS1(9). Their school have started separating them or at least trying to discourage them from playing or talking to each other during break times. They have never chosen to play together everyday, have their own friends who more than half of the time they would rather be with but a few times a week want to talk to or play with each other instead. They also have never argued or misbehaved together at school so that's not the problem.

DH asked DS2's teacher quickly tonight if there had been any issues between them that we didn't know about and she there wasn't and that usually siblings will purposely stay away from each other but if not they will try to keep them away so they don't cause problems together and can focus on socialising with their own class during school time.

Is this a common thing done in primary schools? Would you think its actually benefitial and support it or question it instead?

Certainly not the case in our school, plenty of siblings play with each other. Plenty don't of course but it's entirely their choice.

Wow. That's pretty intrusive. Is that even legal? How sad that the school is discouraging such a lovely thing as 3 siblings wanting to be friends.

Ours are doing this very gently - but in liaison with us and because one of the pair will move on to the next school next year and we want to make sure the younger sibling has some friends in their own year group as well. They're working very gently to direct my younger one in that general direction for those reasons.

It can become a bit territorial And for the younger siblings it can prevent them from learning age appropriate conflict resolution skills etc- older siblings are often very protective and can get involved in disputes that are best left between peers.
I agree with the schools in discouraging sibling involvement at school- but not banning it.

I was worried when my little one first started school. The first few days he went and found his sister to play with. It was all very sweet. But I worried a little that they would end up playing together. But nope, he quickly made friends and they never play together at school now. But of course at home, they play loads together :)

How sad. My girls don't like each other much but if they wanted to play together I'd be so upset x

At our school, we have a separate self contained playground for reception but I know DD went over to see DS on his first day or two to check he was OK. Once he was out of reception she barely acknowledged his existence (she was a cool yr 5 who wouldn't be caught dead with a yr 1 !).

I can see the point actually.

I've seen the situation where the younger one (often much younger) goes round with the older child and friends. It looks so cute to the parents. Looking in on such situations I can see issues.

Firstly the obvious older sibling moves on and younger one is left without friends.
Then you have the surprising issue in that it actually doesn't help the younger one's social skills. The older ones make allowances, even encourage (by laughter for example) things that among their own peers will make them stand out in not a good way. They then can't see why they got attention etc from the older children and now it isn't acceptable.

Going the other way I have also seen it effecting the older one's social group. Both the obvious "we don't want them as their sibling comes too" but also I've seen where the sibling squeezes them out of their own social group. A bit like a cuckoo. They build themselves up by making innocent comments about the older one at home, which the older ones finds humiliating. Any comments the older one makes are put down as mean by their peers.

It's not that playing together sometimes isn't lovely. But when it becomes usually then I think discouraging it is a good idea.

Yes, I'd agree with the pps above that it can negatively impact social development and making friendships among kids their own age.

I would tell them to back off unless they are going into areas they shouldn't be, such as younger ones trying to go to older ones playground etc.

Off topic but is your DD your DH's as well?

Nosy!

Kids get so much out of mixing with different ages, I find the obsession with socialising in single age groups so bizarre.