Neglecting education due to behavioural issues?

[BabyMommaDec2012]

Hi - I’m a long-time lurker of this thread and have found advice for others helpful. However, I need help from you guys now.

My DS is in Year 1 but he has never been settled at school. He’s generally fine at home but school is very hard for him. He’s very easily distracted and can be very hyper and so listening and sitting quietly is a big challenge for him. He also displays ASD and ADHD traits at school (not so severely at home) and he’s currently undergoing a SEN investigation with CAHMS.

The problem with all this is that he’s an extremely intelligent boy when it come to academics. At home he’s able to complete his homework quickly, easily (and correctly). At school, it’s a different picture. He’s obviously learning there because he can do his homework (and other work that we set for at home) very easily but he’s not completing his work properly at school. He’s therefore not meeting his year 1 targets. Although 8ive taken in ‘evidence’ from his work at home plus videos of his completing academic tasks, his teachers appear to be skeptical about his ability to understand what he’s being taught due to his lack of focus on the classroom. They’ve told me that they’re not prioritising his education at the moment and are focusing on his wellbeing in the class instead. I work full-time, have a toddler, and am now put in a position where I need to homeschool him in the evenings and at weekends. using national curriculum workbooks for year 1/KS1. The crazy thing is that he already is competent in most of the areas that we work on at home because he’s learnt them at school(!).

I just can’t understand the disconnect between home and school. I understand that there are more distractions at school but at home he works at the dining table independently (after I’ve explained the tasks he’s undertaking) whilst I’m tending to/playing with his baby sibling or cooking or cleaning. Home is a busy/noisy environment too.

Have any of you experienced anything similar? He’s actually happy at school... he’s just causing the teachers a lot of hassle by not sitting quietly during classes and not completing his work.

That does sound unusual, but I think the teachers probably have the right idea thinking about his behaviour more at this stage as he seems fine with the academics but he must be disrupting his peers and there is going to come a point where he will need to concentrate harder himself. I guess it might just be a question of maturity and as he grows he finds this easier, I have seen a couple of children with adhd traits benefit from ‘wobble cushions’ in class which seem to help with the balancing/fidgeting. Maybe don’t worry loads about workbooks and stuff at this stage or doing loads of catch-up stuff at home, he sounds a bright little lad, just enjoy reading together when you can or anything else he might feel like doing.

Good luck, he is still v little.

Hi - thanks for your response. The teachers and senior have tried a range of things with him such as weighted blankets/pillows, fidget toys and headphones. Nothing works after the novelty has worn off. With regards to learning, he always been a quick and keen learner. He enjoys maths and reading (actually, reading is the one area that he’s doing well at in the school environment - he’s now ‘free reading’). He’s less enthusiastic about writing but he can do it and does it well within year 1 targets. He’s happy to do schoolwork in the home environment. It would do him a disservice to not keep up his education at home.

‘Senior’ should say senco above

I have a boy not dissimilar although he's never had a diagnosis. I think they're totally right to be looking after his behaviour at present.

The crazy thing is that he already is competent in most of the areas that we work on at home because he’s learnt them at school(!).
So he is learning at school, and I don't think you need to do it at home. He could even be thinking that there's no point doing it at school because he'll have to do it at home anyway.

Just do a bit of reading and let him relax at home.

I agree with Witchend, if he can do all the work for yr1, doing it all over again at home may be counter productive and maybe boring for him. If he enjoys academic works, can't he do something more of problem solving /thinking work rather than school work?

He is still young and settling into the expectation of more formal learning compared to that of reception. Concentrating on behaviour now would be good thing, imo.

Thanks for the responses. I understand what you mean, however, what if his behavioural issues are never managed/resolved by the school? He’ll fall so fast and so far behind that it will be a struggle for him to ever get back up to speed. They’ve been trying out the ‘usual suspect’ interventions (fidget toys, noise cancelling headphones etc) with him for over a year now and nothing’s worked. Unless he just grows out of his challenging behaviour by himself I have very little confidence that the school will be able to settle him to an extent where he’s a fully participating class member because there’s been no sign of a change in him so far.

At home, he’s mostly fine/normal. The issues we have with him are akin to behaviours from all kids his age (being silly at inappropriate times, not listening first time etc). He doesn’t do the overly mischievous/naughty things that he does at school (i honestly believe that it simply doesn’t cross his mind to do it at home). It’s really hard sometimes because the child they describe at school is like a stranger. We genuinely don’t see him at his worst.

First of all, you need to accept that child at school is different from child at home. And you really don't know how he is at school, so I would say you should trust his teacher.

You say he can do and understand what he learns at school. So, he is not falling behind academically. But if he carry on this way, he may eventually will, when the work become more challenging.

It may be the maturity thing. My ds was always distracted and couldn't finish his work within time in ks1/ early ks2. But he has changed suddenly towards end of yr3, that teacher even said he became one of the role model who get on with things.
And he has traits of asd/adhd too. He just realised he need to get on, otherwise he will lose his play time etc., and started to realise the concequence of not doing work as he matured.

irvineoneohone - thank you for your message. It’s very reassuring the your son has matured with his approach to his school work. May I ask how the teachers handled him at the KS1 stage? Did they set consequences for him about not doing his schoolwork at that time or did they just let him be? At my son’s school, they have only tried positive reinforcement so far (reward charts and ‘treats’ for good behaviour). However, it doesn’t work for my son. I think he’s benefit from a stricter approach (eg losing breaks to complete work). We’re strict with him at home and he’s fairly compliant as a result. They’re lax with him at school and so he’s taking advantage of it.

In ks1, there wasn't much of consequences, that's why it continued, I assume. Though he was made to sit on his own near the teacher at certain point, so not to get distracted or distract others.

Ks2 was more serious consequences, he was made to miss his breaks to finish his work often. He wasn't happy and complained to me, but I totally backed up the teacher with this.
Also he got a report which he got worst grade for "effort", which he never did until ks2. That shocked him a quite a bit.
He is a day dreamer, just lose focus easily if not interested, so he needed to understand that he need to keep focus during lesson.
Yr3 teacher was strict but also encouraging at the same time, she helped him turn it around and I am very grateful.

The whole how they behave at school thing is quite a mystery. I imagine my son is quite a dreamer and coasts along but at parents evening the teacher said he is very eager with his hand always up! The mother of a girl in DD's class was telling me how bright her DD is but the new class teacher is useless and reducing her to tears. DD tells me a very different story that the girl is in bottom group for everything and quite cheeky and disruptive and when doesn't get her way bursts into tears and is annoying.
It's difficult to know who to believe but in the 1st case I would believe the teacher unless you have reason not to. Good luck.

Concerning the standard of work at home and at school DD's home work is far quicker and more accurate than what she produces a school. She used to have a class of 23 and she's quite a nosy child so I suspect there is a lot going on and she's easily distracted. If you are concerned I would speak to the school again.

Looking at your OP I'm assuming the ASD traits he's showing are very much on the fidgeting, not standing still, fiddling with things side? In which case the disconnect between school and home could well be as simple as at home you can ignore him fidgeting a bit/being a bit silly while getting on with his work, because there aren't 29 other children getting distracted by him, and you probably aren't expecting him to sit still and quiet as long as school do. School will be much busier than your kitchen and if he's easily distracted that won't help. He is obviously learning so actually I would leave school to work on the behaviour for now and do a bit less schoolwork at home, do enough that you can see he isn't dropping behind but there is such a thing as doing too much. He's 6, he needs time to be a child.

My DD is similar. At home she is perfectly capable of doing her work, although she hums and swings her legs and taps her pencil on the edge of the desk while doing it, which I can ignore at home. I've had to cover her class a couple of times (I work in the same school but rarely her class) she is a pain in the neck in class and while I can ignore her the other children can't, so then she has to be told to stop doing it, which makes her more fidgety.

If school haven't tried it already a movin'sit cushion might help with sitting still, as could regular movement breaks.

Thanks everyone. You’ve helped to put my mind at rest a bit. The approach of the school seemed very alien to me and it felt like they were writing off his ability to learn because of the way he behaves in class.

It isn’t possible to learn effectively if a child’s mindset is not in the right place for learning. You can deliver the best lesson in the world, but if the class isn’t listening and responding there is no point.

The school is right to address ways of managing his behaviour and it sounds as though they are trying/ have tried a range of strategies.

Ok you can’t have traits of ADHD if your child has improved by the end of year 3 then they do not have ADHD.

I don’t know enough about the Autistic spectrum to comment on that.

And it was more likely immaturity

Maldives, I truly hope so. But all these conditions aren't really black and white, especially with the children on borderline. My ds has some hyper focus, so maybe he found work interesting in ks2, which resulted in better concentration.
I wish I can say he hasn't got it for sure, when even drs can't give us definite answers.

@Maldives2006 I'd be careful with statements like that unless you are qualified to do so and you have knowledge of the individual (maybe you do, I don't know).

DS was diagnosed with ADHD after a significant improvement in his behavior. he has good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, it depends on the teacher, it depends on his background stress levels, he has learned coping strategies, we have rearranged our lives to better meet his needs. Children that appear to have outgrown ADHD may just have learned how to cope, they do mature just the same as any child matures, and that helps them to cope and to manage their symptoms. As and when we go from improvement to another rough patch it helps to understand that some things are more difficult for him and what looks like a child going all out to wind you up, is actually doing their very best and struggling to cope.

Maldives surely that must depend on the child and the degree they're effected.
For ds it was something I wondered about through infants. In juniors he seemed to have matured out of it.
However he's first year secondary now. He read an article on the internet by someone who was describing how having ADHD felt, and came to me saying "look! I think this might be me too" because he said it was just how he felt. I'd never said anything to him about it being a possibility, or even discussed it. I'm now wondering anew.
He can manage it most of the time himself now, so I'm not totally sure whether it would benefit him to look into it.

Same for my ds, Witchend. My ds told me he thinks he has ADHD, after reading something too, that he fits to the description, and answered the reason why he felt different from others. And same for us, not pursuing it since he is managing ok at the moment. But we are always aware he may start to suffer and be ready for him.