Bossy girl in sons reception class

[StarlitTrees]

My son started school this year, he is definitely a follower rather than a leader, but he had really come out of his shell during his last year at nursery.

He has been telling me these last two weeks that he is only ALLOWED to play with a certain boy for one of the three playtimes. When I asked what he meant, there’s another girl in the group who says the boy is her best friend and so he must play with her more.

The boy apparently just follows along with what he is told. My son is often being left out. Ive told him to stand up for himself and to tell the teacher if she is being unkind. He says he tries but she stands in his way and won’t let him go to the teacher. He does tell occasionally and she’s apparently told of for not playing nicely.

I’ve told him to go and make some other friends and to not play with people who are unkind to him. He does seem to have other friends and is generally happy. It just makes me sad and I want to make sure he stands up for himself, as I didn’t when I was at primary.

We haven’t had any problems since starting school and I know kids have to learn how to play nicely together over time.
I’ve advised him what to do, tell her he doesn’t want to play with her if she’s being bossy and hope she learns. But this doesn’t seem to be working. He keeps coming home feeling sad he’s being stopped from playing with his friend.

Is this something I should bring to the teacher’s attention? I don’t want to be THAT mum, just maybe they could keep an eye on it?

I think he needs to find his own feet. And maybe some different friends.

Thanks for replying. Thankfully he does have some other friends he can play with occasionally.
I’ve told him to just go play with someone else when she’s being unkind, but he says everyone has already made their friends. I’ve told him there’s always room for one more.

I know it’ll all work out in the end. It’s hard sitting on your hands once they start primary!

You won't be that parents just expressing your worry. I would chat with the teacher if your dc is unhappy. I think you should bear in mind that they are all still young and learning how to communicate/socialise with others. But at the same time, if your child isn't happy, you should mention it to the teacher so she/he can guide them.

I found I had to "practice" some lines to give both of mine (particularly DD2 but she has speech and language problems - but both of mine benefited from it) for dealing with the day-to-day stuff like this when they were that sort of age. Just things like "stop it - I don't like that" and "can you help me please" and stuff on that level - and we practised saying the "stop it" type ones in a clear strong voice a little... just gave them a bit of confidence (and DD2 the vocabulary) to express how they were feeling.

It's worth bringing to the teacher's attention - more than anything else - the bossy girl is going to have a pretty unhappy time if she's not helped to develop her own social skills so you'd be doing her a favour (DD1 can be the bossy bugger and has benefited a lot from some gentle social skills time over the last year or so to tone it down to being mildly despotic).