Dd is 10 and in last year of primary. On the one hand she is bright, chatty, clever, does really well in class etc.
On the other hand she has a very anxious underside, which not many people see. It has come out a few times in friendship issues.
Her social skills are not nearly as good as they first appear, and she often gets it wrong with friendships, makes poor choices.
She has a great class teacher this year who has been really on the ball.
In July, in the middle of a bad friendship patch (she had fallen out with he two closest friends and couldn't seem to sort it) she told be she wanted to die, because of the friendship problems at school.
It was end of term, I know head well, and she happened to say to me - how are you? That morning and I was quite emotional and told her what dd had said. At the beginning of this term, dd's class teacher and head have put a few things in pace to support her, and are aware of this anxious undercurrent.
I know dd has spoken to the HLTA who does a lot of support of vulnerable kids.
All has seemed to be going well, until yesterday. Dd had massive OTT melt down over a small issue, completely beyond normal. As part of it she was telling me she wanted to jump out of her bedroom window, and kill herself.
Now dd IS a drama llama, but these comments are not in her usual dramatic way, they are more like, bursting out of a sad hurting art of her.
She calmed down, we had cuddles etc and talked. She says there is something worrying her. She won't tell me what it is. She says she has told someone (an adult she trusts) at school, and it is private and she doesn't want me to know. This morning we talked again, and she said the same.
I have gently asked if this is friends again? No. Is it about me or Daddy, and that is why she doesn't want us to know? No. Is someone hurting her? No.
I don't know who she has told at school, as she made it clear it wasn't her class teacher of the HLTA she had spent time talking to, I don't know of another teacher/TA she would have told.
Obviously as her mum I am really worried about what is causing her so much distress. I am at a loss as to what to do next. I don;t think school would tell me what she said, but is it unreasonable to ask them to talk to her about telling me? I just feel that something massive could be sitting here, that we could be working towards a solution, and instead I am sitting here in the dark, wondering how serious it is and if she will go act on what she is saying.
I work with kids, and in our safeguarding training it is emphasized again and again that we don't promise secrecy, but that there is space for a kid to say something without parents automatically being told, and we don't feed back everything to parents. The way forward is to suggest that the child tells the parent themselves.
Would it be unreasonable to approach the school and ask about that?
Any other suggestions about how to move forward greatly appreciated. School suggested TAMHS and I sort of said, hmm, not yet, but now I think we should. I am just so disillusioned by other peoples experiences of them! I know at the moment dd would be quite anti.