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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

What can I do about my shy little boy?

18 replies

collision · 17/06/2007 22:58

He was 5 in April. He is the loveliest child (I know! I know!) and so kind and caring and is coming on well at school and his teacher says what a well behaved child he is.

But.....

He is so shy! He has told me he doesnt want to do the opening dance at the school fete on Saturday because it is too embarrassing (with the class not solo) and he doesnt want to be in Sports Day either which is next week.

He wants to join the choir which is from year 2 I think.

I will be speaking to his teacher about it and wont force him into anything but I wondered if you lot had any ideas.

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sherbert · 17/06/2007 23:06

try putting him into stage coach,I did this when DS was four, I so worried about his shyness. He has come on leaps and bounds, and is quite confident. >>> says shy mum

nannyogg · 17/06/2007 23:06

No experience here really, but wanted to bump this a bit for you.

I think it's quite positive that he wants to join the choir though, maybe it's not so much that he's shy - just not that confident with sport and dancing?

Porpoise · 17/06/2007 23:12

Collision, he does sound lovely!

I really wouldn't worry - there's a lot to be said for shyness sometimes (so speaks the mother of three ridiculously embarrassing un-shy boys).

I assume it's only a 'performance'-related shyness? And that he's not shy with his classmates/teachers etc?

Ecmo · 17/06/2007 23:13

Hi I have a 5 year old too (6 in August) he also will not participate in anything, he wont go in own clothes on own clothes day...he sulks or has a tantrum if made to do anything (eg nativity plays). Even going to a friends house or party is fairly traumatic. However I wouldnt descibe him as shy. He is quite naughty. I would just let it go if he doesnt want to do it. Maybe when he's been at school a bit longer and seen the other children having fun he will just join in. He's probably worrying about messing up and the other children laughing or something. My son is starting to join in a bit now..when he isnt taken out for being naughty! If I act like I really don't mind if he doesnt do something he will sometimes agree to do it.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/06/2007 23:17

Why do you want to change him? Do nothing, just let him know that he is special, and get rid of the negative 'shy' tag.

He is lovely just the way he is. We cant all be extroverts

Grab yourself a copy of "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron.

brimfull · 17/06/2007 23:20

PLease accept him the way he is.My dd was incredibly shy as a small child and I used to make excuses,apologise about it.WIsh I just accepted her.
She's 15 now and not shy at all.
The world is made up of all sorts and shyness is not a negative trait.He sounds lovely and confident in his own quiet way,just like my dd.

onlygirlinthehouse · 17/06/2007 23:26

I was like this as a child, and am now very extrovert and not in the least bit shy!! Am also mother to 3 sons, 2 of whom are very confident and one is just like I was.
Its not really shyness so much as feeling unsure in unfamiliar situations, the more he sees things like this happening and other people enjoying them the more he will get the confidence to join in himself

KathG · 18/06/2007 10:11

another vote for stagecoach - we have been doing it a term now, and the difference is tangible.

boomie · 18/06/2007 10:28

Excellent advice ggirl. DD1 used to be painfully shy (she's 5yo) but she's getting a little bit more confident all the time. It's taken me until now to accept her the way she is. She's a beautiful, caring little girl. I alwyas wanted her to be like the other children but she is who she is. Just go with the flow and enjoy him for who is is

Original poster

collision · 18/06/2007 18:10

No I dont want to change him at all!

He is fab!

i just wanted to know if anyone had any experience and if they thought he would grow out of it or if I should do anything to increase his confidence.

i spoke to his teacher and she said that she would help him on Saturday and not to make a big deal about it.

I cant afford Stagecoach.

His teacher said choir only starts in year 3 so we will have to wait for a while.

He seems better and a bit more positive about the fete.

Thanks everyone.

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eucalyptus · 18/06/2007 18:28

I have enjoyed reading this thread - my own 6 yo dd is also very shy intially - takes time to get to know people after which she is embarrassingly 'best friends'.

It is nice to read about other parent's experiences and understand that I should let her be herself and cherish her as she is

Kaz33 · 18/06/2007 19:46

A positive attitude but don't force him.

Continue to give him the opportunities one day he will turn around and say yes please I want to do that. DS1 (6 in August) only did that a couple of months ago - now he happily goes to art on a saturday morning on his own for two hours. When he told me he wanted to go, I nearly fell off my chair.

So though I agree Stagecoach is brilliant, if he doesn't want to do it don't make him do it. Think of all the money you save

oggsfrog · 18/06/2007 20:06

What is Stagecoach?

Kaz33 · 18/06/2007 20:10

Stagecoach is one of those private acting, dance, singing companies which arrange weekend and holiday courses for 4+ year olds.

Actually not sure it is brilliant, maybe over structured and reliant on productions but I think drama/dance is great for kids.

oggsfrog · 18/06/2007 20:14

thanks

Alphonso · 18/06/2007 20:20

I would be silly with him a lot and not worry otherwise. Tell silly jokes and do silly dances together and make silly fart noises and tickle him. And invite his friends round for tea. He sounds like a very sweet kid.

aintnomountainhighenough · 18/06/2007 20:41

Just wanted to say that my DD went through a bit of a phase a few months ago. She became a bit clingy and wouldn't go and do things. It was a bit of a shock because she is normally pretty outgoing. Anyway I decided to carry on doing all the normal things we were doing, including situations in which she would perhaps find difficult but to let her stay around me until she found the confidence again. It seems to be working. I have also heard that drama type classes can be good, however have also heard that Stage Coach is shockingly expensive. You may find there are similar things in your area though.

One last thing, has he said why he doesn't want to do these things. Does he feel that he isn't good enough? or maybe is worried he will forget the steps or something?

Anyway good luck I am sure it will work out!

Original poster

collision · 20/06/2007 16:46

He said that he finds the dance a bit embarrassing. It will only last for a couple of minutes and the teacher said she will dance with him so he is slightly reassured about that.

With Sports day he said there is no point in trying to run fast because Lewis will beat everyone anyway!! What a defeatist!!

his teacher said that it isnt a competitive sports day and everyone gets a sticker. I am sure he will have a go.

He is just a bit shy and one of those who wont really have a go at something in case he fails.

I am one of those who says it doesnt matter -just have a go. My DH is a winner and only does things if he thinks he will win. However, he has never said that to Ds and there is no way ds would have picked up on it so maybe it is inbuilt.

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