Private Education and Local Friends

[aintnomountainhighenough]

We are considering sending our DD to a private school however I do have reservations about how this will work with maintaining friendships locally. I want her to be involved in the community and keep the friends she has made even though she won't be attending the local school.

I would be interested to hear how sending your DCs privately has affected their local friendships and what other Mumsnetters have done to help the situation if they feel it has had an adverse affect.

BTW we live in a small village.

Well my dvs have local friends even though they go to school 8 miles away. They've maintained their friendships locally by playing with the children who live around them. I think it's worked okay.

Hmmm, my DS1 goes to a school which is about 2 miles away - this is a long way, where we live. I do mind, and it is a hassle.

But I know lots of local mums, and it does mean I get to hand-pick his local friends, at least to some extent.

I keep meaning to sign him up for local dance etc type classes, just to encourage more local friendships, but I haven't really felt the need - DS1 is 5 and will walk up to anyone and make friends with them, so he always seems to make new friends, anyway.

imho if you live in a small village, and if she already has friends, and if she wants to keep these friends, she'll be ok. I went to private school and lived in a small village where most people went to one of two comps and I had tons of local friends. it has to be said that some people in the village toddled off to private school and never got involved with village life - whether that was because they were too introverted or had a whole other life I don;t know.

When they are younger, a lot of it will be up to you to maintain/encourage local friendships. Dd goes to the local school, but it is quite common here for children to go off to private schools at 7. Dd was very good friends with a boy a few roads away, and that has continued mainly because his mum made the effort to ring and invite dd round. Now they are 10 and they keep their friendship going unaided.
Also round here (a densely populated inner London borough) there are primary schools really close to each other. So for instance our next door neighbour goes to a different one from my dd, a Brownie friend who lives just down the road goes to yet another, and she has friends from swimming who go to other state schools within the borough.

HTH

Thanks for replies. It may seem a strange question but, as these threads show, private education can be controversial and we have been surprised by the response we have had from some of our friends when we have discussed it. It good to hear positive experiences.

DD's school is about 3 miles away. The closest of her school friends is about a 2 minute walk from our house; the furthest about 10-15 miles away. Hasn't been a problem at all though. DD has made plenty of friends and has regular play dates after school.

She also has a couple of local firends ont he estate here, and other friends within the city and outide of the city too, who we arrange for her to play with.

She does have her name down for Rainbows in the local community also.

The school is approx 15 miles away so I doubt if she will have any school friends very close by. However I have no problem with driving to / from playdates etc! Yes I must remember to put her name down for Rainbows!

Do do something like rainbows. Dd has no school friends, actually no one at all from school in her Brownies. And come to think of it, none of my school friends went to my Brownies or Guides and it was nice having separate friends.

OPut name down for Rainbows well in advance of her being 5. DD's name has been down since Easter (when she turned 5) and we have been told September or January before there will be a place.

Even before Ds went private at the begining of year 5, he had friends from everywhere. I remeber his third birthday party and him wanting friends from nursery, church, music, swimming, other children from his childminder, her family friends basically everyone. He has maintained these friendships even though we now live abroad.
Children will always find friends, you may have to work at keeping it going, private schools do have lots of extra curricular activities and homework.
It can work very sucessfully. Good luck to your DD.

Live in outer London and of the 9 familes I know in our road, 3 go to the same school (private), and the others are spread out at different schools. So may be a different feel from a vaillage if literally everyone else is at the same school? Having neighbours of a similar age is great as there is alwasy someone to play with. And she can join in with any clubs that are going on in your village.

FWIW ds1 doesn't realise that he goes to a private school. Whilst he knows which schools most of his friends go to he has no idea whether they are state or private, and wouldn't appreciate the difference. He seems to judge schools purely on the ability to play football in the playground. The state/private judgements are in the minds of the parents, not the children ime.

Yes most of the children in the village go to the village school, there are some who go private but to a different school. We also are not telling her that we are paying for her to go to school but are using other reasons.

I agree that judgements are in the minds of the parents and I guess deep down this is what is worrying me slightly as I don't know how people will be. I am determined however to make best efforts to keep friendships in the village.

I agree. Our DD has never once heard us discuss that her school is private or fee paying, and we intend to keep it that way. Obviously as she gets older she will realise, but at present it is totally irrelevant to her.

My dd attends a prep 9 miles away but dd has attended the same local Brownie pack for 3 years, recently gone up to Guides (same people) and also still attends the same ballet school since age of 5.

Hi there. I was in the same situation as you a couple of months ago. DD due to start school in september, didn't get into our chosen 1st choice of primary school and we are not happy with the local school just down the road. We started looking into private schools and are now sending her to a school 15 miles away. It is a fantastic school. I live in a village and don't really mix with many people here, tend to have more friends outside the village and I prefer that. For me it's not a problem DD not knowing many people here. I will probably get her into rainbows and she does ballet down the road also.

Im sure it wont be a problem for you, I feel we have made the best decision. Good luck.

Thanks yummymummy06 - can I just ask - has your DD been ok about it all? Was there any issues with her not attending the local school with local friends and if so how did you handle it?

Thanks

Hi. No there have been no issues really. She only has 1 friend in this village who we see regulaly and to start off we thought they would go to the same school and then told her she wasn't and she was fine with it. She goes to a preschool 5 miles away and also the ones down the road. She has met some friends through there and I will keep in contact with those friends as I would like her to have friends locally. Hth!!