Newbie looking for some advice / reassurance regarding 5 year old school learning

[Luckylewis1984]

Hello everyone I’m sorry to post but I’m new to the site and could really do with some advice / reassurance regarding my 5 year old son and his schooling. I have 4 children with my partner 14,13,11, and my 5 year old.

I’m actually the Dad not sure if many men write on this forum I hope they do, but I personally worked full time for all the years my other children were in school and growing up and missed a lot of them due to the hours worked.

When my youngest was 1 myself and my partner decided that we would do a swap and she wanted to start work and have a bit of a life after the children and i would stay at home and be with the children full time. It really changed my life for the better and I wouldn’t change anything for the world other than maybe one thing that after today I’m really upset by 😔

I really got attached to my youngest and him with me were extremely close and we didn’t want to leave each other I no it sounds ridiculous but I really wanted to spend as much time with him growing up as possible and for that reason he never went to a nursery or school.

Obviously at the age of 5 I didn’t get a choice in it anymore and legally he had to go to school, so we found him a lovely little school in our area and he’s been going since September. We have had tears every morning up until last week when I finally think it’s now clicked with him that he has to go to school no matter what.

He always comes home smiling and I have no worries with the school I’m actually very happy with it and his teacher loves him which is a bonus, but this afternoon we had his first school open evening to see how he’s progressing.

She said he’s really made a lovely impact on the class etc very polite and really tries hard at everything but as I obviously expected she said he’s in the bottom group due to his schooling ability and also his speech from testing that the class had.

She explained it’s exactly what she expected from him as he’s the only child in the class who never had any kind of nursery or schooling and the other kids have at least a 2 year advantage on him.

I’m so upset with myself for holding him back for myself I feel like I’ve personally ruined the start of his life and put him on a major disadvantage compared to the other children. The teacher said she will be keeping a eye on him and he might need further help etc

I don’t know how and even if I can put right what I’ve done to him I’m absolutely gutted, I thought about a private tutor but my partner and parents think I’m being stupid as he’s to young and they think he will settle and pick up the pace but I’m not so sure

Has anyone else kept their child home until the age of 5 ? What was the outcome please and did you get the same kind of feedback from the school as myself ?

Sorry for the long post I’m just stuck with my mind working overtime to try and see how I can make right a bad situation caused by myself 🙁

Thank you

I don't think you have caused any bad situation at all. He had a lovely time spending with you, the memory he can cherish all his life.

At the age of 5, I think what you need to do with him to help with school work is, talk with him a lot about everything and anything, read with him everyday, and do lots of practical things with him, counting, measuring, cooking, etc.

Thank you for your kind words I appreciate it and yes we both definitely plan on doing lots of reading and other things like you have suggested thank you 😊

Please don’t worry. I teach reception and some children are ready for learning and some are not. This is the same whether they have been to nursery or not! Usually, they all catch up to each other in the end.

However, if you want to do more at home there are plenty of things you can do with him. As @irvineohone said, lots of practical activities such as counting & measuring when you’re cooking. Count your stairs as you walk up them etc. When he’s in the bath, have floating and sinking objects. Do lots of reading with him. Don’t just read to him, but get him to look at the pictures and ask him what he thinks might happen. If it’s a familiar book, get him to join in with any repeated refrains etc. Make sure he can recognise his name. Don’t worry so much about writing yet apart from his name.

Do you know what phonics scheme they use at school? If it’s Jolly Phonics, YouTube has videos of the jolly phonics phase 2 sounds in order - it would be good for him to watch/listen to this to get used to the sounds. Also, my reception children like the Big Numbers Song on YouTube.

Like I said, you haven’t done any harm at all. He will get there, when he’s ready to.

Brilliant thank you so much for your reassurance I’ll definitely be doing all I can to help him. I’ll ask the teacher tomorrow what phonics scheme they are doing and as you said I’ll search it all online and this will go towards him gaining extra help. The big numbers song will definitely be something we will be watching on YouTube thank you so much 😊

Hi lucky - your child will thrive. Your child is clearly loved and you want to do your upmost best for him. Reading to him and getting him to read daily will help. Enjoy it and have fun. They are only children once.

Did he miss some school or is he sept born?
Not all kids do 2 years of nursery as summer born s only get 1 year if they start at 4.
I haven't found mine learnt much at nursery as they dont teach exactly and both already knew colours etc when starting at 3yo

I think it’s rreally positive the teacher knows him well, therefore will adapt the teaching and with the family’s support I’m sure he will thrive . I never went to nursery and stayed at home with parents/grandparents until I started school. I achieved well both in school and uni (to postdoc level) so I’ve never considered it’s held me back. You have no way of knowing whether your son would have been in the same position even if you did put him to nursery, so focus on what you can do now. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over choices that were right at the time .

He’ll be fine! You’ve done a great job and the bonding you’ve done with him will stand him in good stead long run - much more than if he had started nursery at 9 months old.
But focus now on his education. Read 2/3 short books every night. Practise his numbers and letters with him. Get letter and ninny fridge magnets. Count everything at home together. Support the learning he’s doing in school. Work on his pencil control - lots of drawing and trying to form letters correctly.
Get a chalk board or white board and practise writing short words for him to ‘read’ ie sound out.
Play lots of music together.

Number not ninny!

Is there a reason that he has problems with speech? I would have thought that being 1-1 with an adult would improve speech as he would have had many opportunities to talk with you and be listened to.

Many schools have speech therapists that work with children. Check with the teacher what specific parts of speech are the problem and they should be able to give you some exercises to do with him.

Other than that, playing is all he needs. Lots of things for fine motor skills like threading, lego, play dough, cutting with scissors, etc. and big playground equipment, bike riding, swimming and balls to kick, throw and catch for gross motor skills. And the counting and reading as mentioned above. It's a busy time for 5 year olds.

Oh, and get his hearing checked.

He sounds like a brilliant kid! Being polite and kind and working hard are great attributes that I’m sure he picked up from spending time with you. You sound like you’re looking into the right things with the reading and counting. Keep some fun in there as well - board games can be fun.

If his speech is a little slow, you should definitely get his hearing checked. You have already had some good suggestions for working with him on verbal skills. Please please don't blame yourself for this or feel like "we should have sent him to nursery"--sending children to nursery gives them benefits if their home life is not great (i.e. poorly educated parents, screens non-stop all day, little verbal interaction between parent and child), but for children who come from homes with active, involved parents, they are unlikely to get anything from nursery that they would not get at home and staying at home is just as good for development.

Aw bless you, your son will catch up you know - and no doubt overtake quite a few!

The time you spent with him on your own was invaluable. He'll remember that period all his life.

Don't fret, you've done nothing wrong and the little one will be fine.

I think many children get a great deal out of nursery! They get to associate with other children for a start. They are not the centre of attention and learn to take turns. Their social education starts to take shape and issues such as poor speech are spotted. However it’s time to do what everyone has suggested and hopefully the school will come up with helpful suggestions too. I find it quite hard to accept that a child has been a “possession” in this way.

Wow, what's the point of judgemental comment, Bubbles? Op is clearly upset and he cannot change the past. He is a great parent and trying to do best for his dc.

Children start formal schooling much earlier in the UK than in many other places e.g. in Scandinavia & New Zealand where they don't start formal schooling until they're 7 IIRC.

And studies show the kids catch up with UK kids just fine. Some people even think it's not in the best interests of UK kids to start so early, but that's another story for another day...

Bottom line, all the evidence is that he'll catch up in time, so please don't beat yourself up, you've not done anything wrong!

Definitely look into supporting his schooling at home, but please don't stress about it, the most important thing for him is to learn the love of learning (or perhaps not to unlearn it!) so at this age in particular it's really important to make it fun for you both.

Also if you'd like to support his schooling it'd be worth finding out what things the school aren't providing. Schools are under so much pressure with budgets and targets that things like art, music and PE can get squeezed out. It could be worth trying to find out what the school is finding it hard to provide (and they won't be volunteering this at parents evening, you'd need to ask them and other parents) and making sure he gets a chance to do it at home every so often.

Oh yes, fridge magnets!

My daughter practically taught herself the alphabet using these singing fridge magnets. I apologise in advance for the annoyingly catchy tune that will get stuck in you head! But they are effective.

You don't need to do anything yourself, just let him play with them.

www.amazon.co.uk/LeapFrog-Fridge-Phonics-Magnetic-Letter/dp/B00JLHVX36?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Actually this is a better set as the letters are lower case, which is what they learn in school.

More expensive than I remember though.

www.amazon.co.uk/LeapFrog-Fridge-Phonics-Magnetic-Letter/dp/B01LPUW1UA/ref=sr_1_4?tag=mumsnetforum-21

naivety, actually, fridge magnet was my ds's favorite toy. Not just letters, but numbers too.
If you can get magnetic white board on the wall, it's even better. You can use it with magnetic letters, but also good for writing/drawing practice. It does help with developing muscle more than just writing on the paper.

I agree the clock cannot be rewound.

Actually there is no evidence that ALL kids catch up! If they did, all kids would get 100 plus in Sats, and they don’t. Some get well below that. Some children read well below their chronological age and continue to do so as adults. If they all catch up, why do some children struggle to get level 4s in GCSEs. Of course they don’t all become “average” or better. There is plenty of evidence to say pre school education benefits all children for the reasons I stated in my original post.

I cannot understand why anyone would not want their child to go to a nursery because they wanted to be with them all the time but never thought about possible consequences. Bringing up children is about what you do for them, not what they do for you. For whatever reason, his speech needs were not identified at home. It just seems odd parenting to me and the little boy won’t remember 0-5 with Dad. He might have remembered nursery highlights such as dressing up, nativity, making friends, having children round to tea, fun things at nursery etc. Having a key worker could have made a difference. I did agree with all the suggestions but that doesn’t mean I have to look at the original decision with rose tinted glasses and say things that may well soothe but are not necessarily true.

Lots of reception children have speech problems: at least 8 out of 50 in ds’s year went to speech therapy (and that’s just the ones we happened to bump into in the waiting room!). Ds attended nursery, and his speech problems weren’t picked up until reception. I wouldn’t worry. It sounds like your dc is very settled and handles the environment well, both of which are a credit to you.

You must have never made a mistake in raising children, Bubbles. You sound horrible, very self righteous and judgemental.

I am not familiar with how things are in the UK, but do toddlers and preschoolers not have development checkups to assess things like speech, hearing, eyesight, dental health and so on.

In the country where I live, you do these at 18mo, 3yo and so on. They are independent of kindergartens so even if your child is 100% at home your child is expected to go.