So what exactly happens when you have a bully in reception?

[NatalieJane]

Poor DS1, and his other class mates, there is one lad that hits, kicks, punches, bites, and pinches all of the other children. Now, I am trying not to be mamby pamby about this, but TBH after speaking to DS1's teacher on 3 occasions and I know other mums have as well, nothing seems to be happening. I spoke to the teacher this morning and when I said I wanted to speak to her about X again, she rolled her eyes and said, why what's he done this time? So they know what he is like, yet when DS1 told the teacher that X had punched him hard in the stomach the teacher just said "X is a naughty boy isn't he?" Now I have no idea what the best way is to deal with such a boy, but surely saying and doing nothing isn't the right way to go about it?

It is bothering me so much, we don't hit DS at home, and I don't send him to school to be hit by anyone else. And on reflection, DS1 is, to put it nicely, a bit of a wuss and I have tried to get him to tell X not to hit him again but he just hasn't got it in him.

If I go kicking off at the school, who will be the biggest me or X?

Sorry, was just going to bump, but re-read the last line and realised it should read: ...who will be the biggest problem me or X?...

you speak to the head and ask them about behaviour management strategies

but I have to tell you thinking that a 5 year old is a bully is probably a huge mistake, there can be any number of reasons for a child to be hitting out / have difficult behaviour patterns .. from SN to family troubles, I can tell you of some fairly horrific behaviour at my child's school .. but I can also tell you some of the reasons behind it which range from death of a parent to adoption from birth family due to horrific abuse .. just be careful of your assumptions

Yes you are probably right, I am trying very hard to think about what the kid is going through, but it isn't easy when your son is coming home in tears because of someone hurting him.

You certainly need to make sure something is being done and the best way is just to ask the teacher straight out that you want reassurance that the issue is being dealt with.

If it is being dealt with then the sorts of things you can expect the teacher to say are:

that the school is working with the parents on the problem,

that the behaviour is being monitored and all staff and lunchtime supervisors are aware of it,

that the children in the class are taking part in circle time and role play activities about what to do in a bullying situation.

If none of this is happening then you need to speak to someone from the Senior Management Team.

The teacher should be thanking you for bringing this to her attention.

Well after speaking to his teacher this morning, all I can do is wait and see what/if anything changes.

I don't want to be one of those parents that they dread turning up in the morning but at the same time I can't just let my son be used as this kids punch bag - no matter what the child could be going through personally. And as I said, I know that other parents have complained about this kids behaviour.

it is worth putting your concerns in writing because anything written down will be filed carefully. Write a neutral letter to the teacher summarising your concerns and what has been said by the teacher and also by you - no need to make it angry or confrontational but logging things formally is a good idea.Keep a copy for yourself.

Also , you can never be entirely sure what the staff actually are doing or not doing - a lot goes on behind the scenes which are matters of confidentiality so you wouldn't be informed.

I would agree to writing a neutral letter to the Head, and also try to encourage other parents whose children are suffering to do the same.

It is probably entirely true that there is something going on in the childs home life that is causing them to be like that, or they may just be a horrible child. But the sooner that someone in authority gets to the bottom of it the better, the teacher isnt helping with her comments, but may be she doesnt know what to say. Our reception teacher wouldnt stand for that sort of behaviour - there are many tried and tested methods of dealing with behavioural problems, but you dont want your child to become afraid or fearful of going to school - they are supposed to have a good time there!

yep, we've got a 'class bully' in dd's reception year. he is always hitting, name-calling, etc and teachers are fully aware of it, as are lunchtime staff and his parents have now been called in to speak to the teacher about his behaviour. think the next stage is the head.

you must tell your ds to make sure he tells staff if this boy does anything at all to him - they have to know what's going on so they can act.