Help me stop my daughter becoming a bully

[StillNoFuckingEyeDeer]

I need advice!

DD1 is 7y old and in year 3. She goes to the local village school, so we know quite a lot of the children and their families outside of school, although a lot come from other villages too.

Since reception, DD has complained that another girl is mean to her and that she tells lies and tries to get her into trouble and she doesn't like her. I've always said that she should just play with someone else and just avoid her but not to be mean.
Recently DD has been complaining more about this other girl being mean and lying.
Yesterday after school DD had 2 friends over to play. This morning I have found little notes written in 3 different pens/handwriting that all say things about this other girl that aren't nice. 'X is mean' 'all the boys hate X' 'X does a poo in her pants and everybody laughs. The teachers laugh' 'X is a poo poo and we call her poo poo' 'I hate X' etc.

I need to talk to DD and tell her it's ok to not like other people but that it's not acceptable to be mean. I need to talk to the other mums too. How do I explain and make it clear to her?

Do I need to talk to the teacher too?

I think I'd start by reading her the riot act about her behaviour and then having an appropriate punishment (no more playmates with those kids until she proves she can behave nicely with them?)

I think I would also show the notes to the other kid's parents and probably mention it to the teacher (my dc's school will have a chat about friendships and bullying if there are issues brewing).

I think I would talk to the teacher and find out the class dynamics. It could be your daughter is feeling left out by this girl, or feeling jealous in some way, or that this girl has also been mean (of course doesn't make what your DD did right). The teacher could keep an eye on any further interactions.

I think you should tell your DD you found the notes and how sad it made you feel. That writing these notes is unkind and can be seen as bullying. Maybe ask her what she should do if she feels angry about this other girl and how she could ask an adult for help over her feelings.

Kids bully for a reason, you need to find out what that reason is.

You do need to speak to your dd. You need to tell her this isnt acceptable and you need to stop dismissing her when she tells you this child is being unkind to her and go speak to the teacher, because it may be that she's been persecuted for 2 years and has just had enough, or a clash of personalities that she just doesn't know how to handle. "Go and play with someone else" isnt a very satisfactory response if someone's actively harrassing you.