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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Weekly Awards upsetting my son

52 replies

Ahmawa · 09/10/2018 15:02

So each week the teachers award a certificate for the best in literacy, numeracy and general behaviour / helpfulness.

Now my son is competitive and he's upset that he hasn't received an award and it's upsetting him. I have not asked how the teachers decide who gets the award but I did ask the teacher how my son was doing and she mentioned he is one of the top 3 or 4 in the class.

How do I deal with this? Do I approach the teachers or tell my son these awards don't really matter.

Everytime I ask the teachers what more can I do, they say just keep on doing his homework which we do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MissMarplesKnitting · 10/10/2018 19:24

Dear me he's only been there a few weeks.

He will have to wait for it. Like everyone else.

Do please go and read up on this....www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/09/19/meet-lawnmower-parent-new-helicopter-parents-types-parents-tiger-attachment/1347358002/

MissMarplesKnitting · 10/10/2018 19:25

www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/09/19/meet-lawnmower-parent-new-helicopter-parents-types-parents-tiger-attachment/1347358002/

chumbal · 10/10/2018 19:35

I understand why your child is peeved & you are concerned for him.

Please encourage him to understand that there are other things in life!

This is the beginning of his school life & as others have said he needs to become resilient to this kind of thing.

My son is coming to the end of his primary now and has had years of this. He has learned how meaningless this system is & tends to favour pushy moms! One even went in to school to say her son had been overlooked & my son, who shares her sons first name, had been given one by mistake

I wonder why school bother as it's impossible to please everyone.

I do feel your pain but really it is not the end of the world honestly

CherryPavlova · 10/10/2018 19:55

Teach me to wait like everyone else. Making it an issue is doing him no favours. Learning to cope with minor disappointment is good.

Namedecisions · 10/10/2018 21:22

I'm interested in this discussion due to my experience at the moment with DS(5). His school seem to give a crazy amount of awards, there's 1 daily class award, 2 weekly class awards and 2 monthly awards. Last year my son had an average share of these awards and we have never got too hung up on these, and explain they don't mean as much as just doing your best etc.
Anyway he's got the same teacher again this year as he did last year, she always tells us he's very well behaved, delight to have in class etc, no issues. There's been 6 weeks of term so far and since week 3/4 my son has been coming home almost daily being upset about why he hasn't got any of these yet. I play it down as much as I can but he gets inconsolable over it, he's a quiet, very sensitive, highly strung character too which doesn't help. With all the damn awards there's been over 45 awards given out so far, he's in a class of 28 and whilst I'm sure there might be some other kids who haven't had anything either, DS is bitterly complaining because all 3 kids who have them this week have now had it 3 times. We've got parents evening next week and am now weighing up whether there is any benefit in either telling the teacher about his upset or asking what the 'criteria' is for the awards as DS says it's just for good behaviour and trying hard which he says he does every day. But the teacher is a bit spiky and I don't want to cause issues for the rest of the year!!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 10/10/2018 21:33

Who told you that he was in the top 3 or 4 in the class?

redcaryellowcar · 10/10/2018 21:53

Yanbu they ought to be stopped. Along with traffic light or rain cloud/ sun behaviours management systems. Doesn't work for the children it needs to, and just petrifies the ones who don't need it.
We are in similar struggle with the class bear who has been to four houses so far, but not ours. Added pressure because class bear is linked to a show and yell opportunity and dc loves a bit of attention. I hope that the class bear is given out in simple alphabetical order, or else if the wretched thing never comes home I can see I'm going to have to be 'that parent' and ask/ beg for the bear to spend a weekend being fed ice cream and taken to the car wash etc!

beeefcake · 10/10/2018 22:18

Don't get involved. He needs to learn that you don't win everything in life.

Surely the point of the awards is to keep everyone working hard to try and attain one?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/10/2018 22:48

Between clouds, stickers and star of the week I can see little point in any of it.

Kokeshi123 · 11/10/2018 05:19

I don't think this is a reception aged kid, since the OP said her son was in the top 3 in the class (how would the teacher have had time to ascertain this kind of thing in a few weeks of reception teaching?).

Sounds like the award thing is out of control in some schools. Can anyone point to any actual studies showing this being genuinely helpful for behavior modification? If they start giving the things out "evenly" on a rota, then it's hard to see the point. If they start giving them out in a "differentiated" way (favoring kids who are prone to poor attainment or poor behavior), the kids must surely see through it and perceive it as patronizing. As far as I can see, creating bad feeling among kids and more hassle for teachers seem to be the main results.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 05:23

As a teacher, I hate award schemes but we are made to do them.

Total nonsense that generally do little improve actual behaviour in anything other than the short term.

Children do well when they are engaged - and it is next to impossible to plan engaging lessons when I waste half my time on stupid administrative crap like this.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 05:25

kokeshi exactly. It’s nonsense.

Studies show that rewarding attainment actually lowers effort. Learning should be the goal and the reward.

Norestformrz · 11/10/2018 06:02

The OP has said they don't know how the teacher decides who is chosen and it could well be it is awarded for effort.

MidniteScribbler · 11/10/2018 06:50

We are in similar struggle with the class bear who has been to four houses so far, but not ours. Added pressure because class bear is linked to a show and yell opportunity and dc loves a bit of attention.

Bloody hell, it's been four weeks, and you haven't had a turn, teach your child a bit of resilience. There's up to 26 other kids in the class all waiting on a go as well. Maybe teach your DS that he doesn't need to be the centre of attention all of the time and other people get a go. You already are 'that parent' if a class bear has you this uptight.

Norestformrz · 11/10/2018 06:54

I'm stunned a teacher would tell a parent that their child is one of the top three or four in the class after such a short time in school.

Peaseblossom22 · 11/10/2018 08:22

Only on mumsnet are people surprised that teachers tell people their children are top one or two or whatever in the class . As someone who has a child who has always been one of the most able In the class , I also have one in the middle and one with significant SEN and developmental issues I have right from the get go always been told this . Usually in the context of making sure he was adequately stretched and challenged.

He is doing A levels now so I am long passed the competitive mummy parent years and anyway would never have told anyone about this not their business. For context I was also told that one was in the middle and the other was struggling to keep up. He is also has a reputation for being supportive and inclusive and friends with everyone just in case others are keen to label him as arrogant just because he happens to do well academically .

Frankly the children know anyway although interestingly the very able one definitely noticed less of the class dynamic than his sibling who was in the middle . But even in reception they could identify that the lions were the fasted the monkeys the slowest and the tigers in the middle or whatever acronyms were used.

If the teacher said they were the best at singing if the best st football that would be fine apparently but it’s not ok to say you are best at maths or reading as soon as you do that your child is labelled as arrogant and you as boastful.

Incidentally I agree about awards my child who struggles got loads , he is also very well behaved and did deserve them but no more than his quiet clever sibling who got hardly got any or his well behaved middle achieving sibling who got practically none.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 11/10/2018 17:53

If the teacher said they were the best at singing if the best st football that would be fine apparently

No, that wouldn't be OK either. Fine to be told your child "is good" at something. Not that they're "the best."

Norestformrz · 11/10/2018 18:15

"Only on mumsnet are people surprised that teachers tell people their children are top one or two or whatever in the class " I've been a teacher for many years and I'm surprised. In all my years of teaching I've never told a parent their child is top of the class and I've never heard a colleague say it either.

ProfessorMoody · 11/10/2018 18:40

I'm a teacher too and I'm surprised. We don't have "top of the class" as children all excel in different things.

Clavinova · 11/10/2018 19:43

I was told that ds1 came second in his year group in a PIPS/CEM baseline test in Nursery (private school). And all the obviously clever dc in his year group in Nursery/Reception/Year 1 won grammar school places or academic scholarships - these same dc (some of whom we haven't seen for 5 years) are now mentioned by name on various senior school websites for having achieved the best GCSE grades this year. These kids stood out at age 4.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 11/10/2018 19:48

"Top of the class" is an expression I've only ever heard from pushy parents; never from actual teachers.

Clavinova · 11/10/2018 19:54

"Top of the class" is an expression I've only ever heard from pushy parents; never from actual teachers

Except that many private schools award 'form prizes' at speech day - for being 'top of the class' - certainly from Year 1.

Norestformrz · 11/10/2018 20:06

It's a misleading "measure" being top of a low ability class may mean you'd be bottom of another class.

BubblesBuddy · 12/10/2018 00:23

Teachers may not make it clear who the brightest are, but the children know!!! How can they fail to when they spend all day with them. Children dislike unfair policies and awards. They seem happy enough with fair awards.

Behaviour policies are similar in many schools. They cannot be written around a miniority who are scared by the policies. The majority of children understand the policies and respect them for what they are. Anxious children can be anxious about all sorts of things and they cannot veto what happens in school. It is a case of trying to work out how they can be more resiliant because rules rule - nearly everywhere.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/10/2018 17:17

We have this at my school (32 kids in the school, 3 awards a week, dd1 has got 1 once in 3 years).

My approach has been to explain to dd1 that the awards are not really being given for being good at reading/writing/maths but are actually to encourage kids who are struggling at school. Dd1 is not stupid and can see the same few kids get the awards disproportionately.

I have been pissed off about this in the past, now I try to tell myself that dd1 is hugely advantaged by finding school easy (both in terms of work and of behaviour) so it is not the end of the world if she misses out of this one thing.

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