Don't know what to do with regards to an incident today, any suggestions?

[Radley]

DH got in from picking dd1 and dd2 up from school today and made me a cup of tea straight away and told me to sit down so I KNEW something was wrong.

Apparently school tried to ring me today.

DD2 (5) was playing today on the school field and a boy (9) came up behind her grabbed her tight round the neck and started ragging her about, understandably she was very very frightened, she has come home very very clingy and has asked that dd1 (8) stay with her at playtime.

School have said that he has been excluded etc, and dd1 (he is in her class) also said he has been excluded for a while, but, I don't know what to do, I am livid, BUT the boys mum is a friend of mine, do I leave it in the hands of the school or do I ring the mum and have a chat

anyone?

If she is a friend of yours you should phone for a chat. Put yourself in her shoes too though (the friend). I'm sure she will be most embarassed at her sons behaviour.

I would definitely speak to her, tbh she might not know exactly what he did as these things seem to get a bit convoluted. Your poor dd2 . Hope she will feel more confident with her sister being there for her.

If you know the mum, I would speak to her to try & determine what triggered the incident (does he have behaviour problems?) - maybe between you, you could try & resolve the matter & see if the boy would apologise & try & reassure your DD it won't happen again?? I bet the other mum is upset too - so it may be a delicate discussion

If you do talk to her, take it carefully, it is possible she may not know which child was involved.

My ds was throwing sticks and got told off for it - I was told nothing. At the same time I knew that another boy whose mother is one of our 'crowd' had a cut on his head. It was not until several days later that I found out the cut had been caused by ds' sticks.

The other boy's mother had been a bit off with me until I went and explained that I had not known

Personally I did not make a big deal out of it as IMO the school had dealt with it (and her boy is a bit of a bully and older than ds), but I was pleased to be able to chat it thro with her and lighten the atmosphere.

I am sure your friend will be mortified, and if she knows it was your dd may well speak to you first. I think the idea of your dd1 staying with her at playtime, or maybe a 'buddy' from one of the older chidlren to give her confidence is an excellent one and hopefully the school can arrange this - glad to see they have acted so promptly too.

Hope you all feel better soon

no say nowt
leve it to school

If you want to chat to her then wait until you feel calmer about it. My ds has sn and this often results in challenging behaviour that looks really nasty and aggressive but often is his idea of playing. He is ALWAYS disciplined when this happens and both the school and dh and i work with him to get him to understand why it was inappropriate.

This mum will no doubt be feeling really upset by what has happened and worried about what will happen in the playground at school. This may make her defensive if you try to chat to her about what happened. it might be better to say nothing and make a point of catching her eye and smiling next time you see her.

Say nothing to the mother. The school have already dealt with it and excluded him. It happened in school time so there was nothing that she personally could have done to prevent it.

I hope your dd2 feels better soon.

We have had a few incidents were DS1 was getting pushed over and kicked in the playground, same kids three times, school were crap so I went to the parents. They knew nothing about it and were furious with the class teacher and head. We ended up sorting it out between us.

Sounds like your school has taken action though as he's been excluded. Does the boy's mum know it was your DD? If I was that boy's mum I would have approached you, especially if you were a friend.

As cod says, do nothing. Your friend will be very upset that her son has been excluded as you are understandably distressed about your dd. I doubt talking about it will help at this stage. It will work itself out in time. She will know exactly what has happened from the school- they can't exclude without her being there.