'I can't do it' syndrome!

[Barmymummy]

My DD is 5 in August and as a baby was a pleasure to have. She was incredibly easy going and to be honest I didn't know I had her. However - now I know why LOL!!!

Boy oh boy is she lazy!!! She will get out of anything if she thinks she can get away with it. She still says she can't get dressed on her own (even though she can), use a knife, ride a scooter, do up the buckles on her shoes, brush her teeth and the list goes on and on.

Now its starting to get irritating because she won't try to do the small amount of reading/homework she gets from school. She won't attempt new words as she simply states 'I can't do it'. I had a word with her teacher and she is apparently very confident there and has said we can go in Thursday after school for a little meeting with her to discuss ways to encourage her.

Does anyone else have a LO who is defeated before even trying? Am so worried I have knocked her confidence somehow but I am in no way a competitive mum nor push her beyond her limits.

Any help would very much appreciated, thanks, x

She's still little Barmymummy. If you feel the work needs to be done, then make it short and sweet. Use a sandtimer to show her how long you are going to do it for and let her choose what she wants to do with you afterwards. Give her lots of reassurance and encouragement. It might be worth talking to her gently another time so see if she has picked up some funny messages somehow about what other people can and can't do. It won't always be like this I am sure.
Good luck

I sympathise, my ds(6) is/was exactly the same.
He really only started getting dressed by himself when I pointed out his little sister(3) was better at it than him and I refused to do it anymore - except I will put his socks on for him.

With the homework I used to try bribery/blackmail. Either chocolate, balloons or no bedtime story until you have read yours, no TV till you have practised your spelling etc.

OK we did since discover he needed glasses, BUT you do not need glasses to put on a vest!!!!

I used to and still do lots of coaxing for homework. The thing that finally worked with getting dressed and carrying some of his own stuff up to school was a refusal to do it anymore - pick your time to start and allow for the tantrums. Also ensure no grandparents are visiting for the next week or two so that their spoiling doesn't undermine your hardwork. Once you have established the new routine, the occasional help from Granny doesn't matter.

Do incentives work? promised of a reward? if so, then yes, maybe she is disinclined to 'have a go'.

But My DS is very very loathe to do things he feels ha cannot do. he hates 'failing', and incentives make things worse. it just adds, in his miond, another thing that he will fail to win. So he says from the start 'I don't want .....whatever incentive'.

I have found it a huge dilemma, because i think that trying hard at things you find daunting is an important experience, how will he get a sense of achievement if he doesn't try something he can't do?

But over reading 9for e.g) I took a completely relaxed attitude and didn't push it at all, and helfd my nerve. We didn't read any of the books that came home in the bag. Then all of a sudden - once the phonics work in classs began to make him feel confident, he started reading whole books very fast, no problem.

I still worry that he will turn away from any form of competition.....

Do you think any of this applies to your dd?

Blu that is so exactly like my ds too(4.5). He is very loathe to try anything he cannot do - even with walking for example he would not do it for ages but then suddenly one day he was running!

It is very difficult but he does want to succeed so we do the same as you we take a very relaxed stance, and use a bit of bribery, or make it a game.

I am sure they do have a competitive streak it is just a bit different!

Barmymummy, does your dd know her phonics? My dd hated the whole language way of reading which included guessing as she hates getting things wrong. Once we made sure she knew all her phonics she was happy to have a go becasue she had the skills to use, maybe your dd is similar? With all the rest, it is so much easier to let someone else do it for you if they will lol

Thank you all for your replies, its nice to know I am not alone!!

Thought I'd update you how we got on at the school this afternoon. Her teacher is fab and has suggested we have a chart that stays at home and I put a sticker next to each task she completes under the relevant day. This chart then goes into school on a Friday and the teacher lavishes her with praise for the tasks she does without making a fuss etc.

Think this will work well with her. What made me laugh is that her teacher says she has no such probs in the classroom and her development is bang on where it should be!! Oh well, who knows how a kids mind works eh?! Thanks again ladies.