Little one not settling in reception

[Awwsome]

My dd started school about 2.5 weeks back. Ahe cried first couple of days and then was fine to go without any crying. This week they all went full time.

For first 1.5 weeks she was fine. She carries packed lunch. She is a very slow eater and with all the new school routine was very tired and stressed so she stopped having breakfast. I gave her a bigger lunch as she didnt have breakfast just thinking if she is too hungry. Apparently one of the staff must have told her to finish her food and that stressed her out. So she started to tell me to give little bit of food only. So next day i gave less and she finished all of it. After coming home I asked her if it was a bit less and if there were more food would you have had it and she said yes. So next day again i gave more which she brought back. But Suddenly on Monday morning this week she got very upset and anxious and started to tell me she doesn’t want to go to school and that I should tell her teacher that i wont eat home food or school food.

She has been very upset saying she doesn’t want to go to school at all. She said she doesn’t like the teaching assistant as she asked her to finish the food. She said she is upset coz she wants to be with me and she misses me a lot and doesn’t like when I dropped her off. While going to bed, after waking up in the morning or even if she is up in the middle of the night - her first sentence is i dont want to go to school. She has never cried this much even on her first couple of days. This entire week she has gone without food for almost 22 hours. As she would have her dinner at around 6ish and she hs food only once she comes home at around 4. At school they offer her snack twice which she doesn’t take. Lunch time she has started crying and is rejecting all the food.

Today they gave her rice from school as she didn’t want to have home food. Staff said she finished it off. But dd says she just had a little bit. Tomorrow i am not going to carry her packed lunch and see how it goes. Anyone had similar problems? Any advice would be much appreciated..

Fyi - she was premature by 2 months and just completed 4 years in August. I don’t know if age is one of the reason as she being the youngest. She does hve food issues and she wont eat anything when we are out or even in restaurants even if its her favorite food. She can starve herself for whole day and will just eat only once we are home. I believe its the environment as well that she doesn’t like when we are outdoors although she is very happy and enjoys being at restaurants but wont touch a bit of food even if she has been without food for 10 hours straight.

I am really worried and thinking whether i should have opted to delay her school start year.

Sorry for the long post.

Please guide.

I would talk to the teacher and point out that because your dd is a slow eater, you don't know how hungry she will be or how much she will eat, so you pack a bit extra so that if she is extra hungry, there is more if she needs it but she should not be forced to eat it if she doesn't want it.

I would reinforce this by putting in a note with her lunch if the supervisor tries to make her eat everything again, to repeat the above, so that your dd doesn't have to talk to the supervisor, but can show her the note.

regarding breakfast, are there any treats that your dd likes to eat that will give her energy? Even something like the infamous MNet microwave mug cake - will have an egg, sugar, flour and butter in - which would give her some energy and protein for the morning in a relatively easy to eat fashion.

Would you give every child cake in the morning? No of course not. But for your dd at the moment it would be perfectly acceptable. (And if you were in France they would think it very normal to have cake for breakfast - staying with a french family they always had cake for breakfast - think of the plain pound cake type cakes rather than fancy gateau with lots of filling and icing - and they were shocked that I thought it odd).

I would try and arrange a meeting with the teacher and maybe the senco. I think they are treating her as a slow eater (and lots of kids are) when her issues around food are more complex.

With regards to school, meet with SENCO and teacher and agree what support will be put in place. My 7 yr old has anxiety and sensory issues and a restricted diet. We have agreed that there will be no pressure on him to eat at all and if he wants to get up and leave the dining hall he can. He has school lunches and doesn’t eat much most days but does have big breakfast (cereal is one of the few things he is very good at eating!) and a reasonable evening meal.

It strikes me that there are perhaps bigger issues here though - could you see your GP for referral to a nutritionist who might be able to help with the wider eating issues?

So, at home, she takes an hour to eat a meal, has the tv on and is fed by you?

At school, she has 20 minutes, no Tv and has to feed herself.

No wonder she's finding lunchtimes stressful!

Amongst the other suggestions about meeting with the teacher etc. I think you need to start trying to bring the two different feeding experiences closer together.

@Littlefish

That's a point...i never thought from that ciew point.

I feel so bad that I didn't try enough all these years else she would have been more independent.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read my post and replying.

I will talk to the teacher next week and will take it from there.

@Awwesome - please don't feel bad about it. We all develop ways of doing things that work for us in certain situations. Your way worked for you and your dd at a particular stage, but now possibly needs a re think. It's a natural process, developing the way we do things, to match the changing needs of our children. It's absolutely not something you should feel bad about.

A lot of kids can be difficult with eating at the start of reception. My son took weeks to eat anything at school. And he was 3 when he started reception, so he was very young. Complicated, but he goes to French bilingual school and they do by calendar year. Anyway, it took several weeks before he would eat. And even then it was just some of the foods. But gradually he ate more and more. I would def mention to staff she is fussy eater so keep an eye and gentle encouragement (or not if it bothers her).

Thanks @Littlefish

I have started to turn off the tv as much as i can. So far so good.