Birthday Invite question: please help!!!

[SakuraM]

Hello,
My DD has just started school (Year R) and she has already received a birthday invitation from one of her classmates. I do not know if the child's mum invited the whole class or only a few but I know that her DC played with DD and the mum knows DD through her DC. My question is: what should I do? what's the protocol in that situation? Is it OK to decline the invitation as it will be inconvenient for us to take DD to where the party is going to take place ? and if so, should I explain that to the mum if I ever happen to see her at the school gates (I sometimes do but we don't talk as we don't know each other, except for hello). Also, should I give a present to the birthday child even if DD doesn't attend the party? Also, what do you usually give as presents for 5 year old kids? Please give me as many examples as possible as I have no idea whatsoever.
Thanks a lot!

Normal etiquette would be to let the mum that you can’t make it but would have loved to have come (I would just leave it at that). If you’re not going they won’t expect a present.
The presents I’ve appreciated most for my daughter are craft ones that don’t fill the house up! Galt do some nice ones for ca.£6.

I think the important thing is you rsvp as soon as possible and say thanks for the invitation but that due to a previous commitment your DD won't be able to go to the party. I don't think you need to worry about a card or a present , maybe suggest that you both take the girls out for a hot chocolate after school one day , or some other little social get together . If you did that near the birthday a little present might be in order, but if you don't meet up then don't worry.

Presents for five year olds don't have to be huge, or expensive. Many parents look out for little bargains through the year (eg bogof, or buy three get cheapest free) and put them aside for birthday presents so they have a handy stash .Books, nice colouring pencils or felt tips, lego stuff, hair ornaments, glittery purses etc. Look out for things that make your daughters eyes light up, and go for that sort of stuff. Keep it small, wrap it fancy was always my mantra.

Just don't do what my mother used to do and buy weird, I still remember the look on Juliets mother's face when she saw the tortoise............

You simply tell the other parent that your DD can't come.
No need for a present if your DD is not going to the party (though when they get older we used to get presents for DC's closer friends regardless). As suggested craft stuff is usually a safe option for a present, or Lego. Just think what your DD would like!

Appreciate it's difficult now as DD is new, but if the only reason for declining is that you can't get to the party venue it would be perfectly acceptable for you to approach the hosting parent to ask who else is coming to see if you can organise a lift. Do not ask the hosting parent for a lift (of course they may offer)!

Let her know next time you see her that you have something else on that day but thank her for the invitation.
Don't buy a present if you aren't going though.

If your DD has just started I would try to attend if possible. If not just send a text or email explaining that your DD would have loved to attend but unfortunately you can't go on this occasion (maybe suggest a playdate another time). You don't need to give a present if not attending.

If you do go and want to bring a present just buy something your DD would love to get. Don't go overboard on price, I live in a wealthy area and have relied presents in the range £5-£15. For my DD she's had sticker books e.g. or craft sets e.g. Little lego sets [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/LEGO-60150-Vehicles-Scooter-Building/dp/B01J41FUHS/ref=sr_1_7?s=kids&keywords=leg&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1537881042&sr=1-7o]]. Or little bits from Clare's Accessories.

If it’s just inconvenient not impossible I would take her, she’s just started and is forming her friendships- you seem very anxious , is that playing a part in you not wanting to take her?
If she really can’t be taken just reply by text ASAP and say that yiu are sorry but your child can’t make it but you hope x has a lovely Brithday. No need for a face to face conversation about it

And no need for a present

No present. Just text back promptly, so the parent has your reply in "writing". "Thanks so much for inviting Hermione to Harry's party. She'd have loved to come but I'm afraid we already have plans. Hope Harry has a lovely day"

If you knew them a bit better it would be absolutely fine to say she can't make it because you don't have transport. The parent can then take it at face value or offer a lift. But with a brand new YR I wouldn't go there.

Another option is to cast around friends to share lifts, but again, not really one for the start of YR.

Second the suggestion that if it is possible, albeit a little inconvenient, I would prioritise the party as the early days of reception are great bonding time. £8-£10 gift along the lines of craft/Lego/storybook/travel game.

If impossible then just rsvp promptly and politely to say so, no gift required.

Lots of excellent ideas; thanks a lot ladies for your help!