If your child moved school, how long did it take to form friendships?

[Belletower]

I do have another thread along a similar vein, so please excuse me if this seems familiar.

DS moved from infant school to a new junior school. All the other kids in this junior school came from the attached infant school, so a lot of them already knew one another, had formed friendship groups, etc.

With DS being completely new I was/am worried about him forming friendships. It's the end of the first proper week and despite him interacting with a couple of boys he called friends he is back to being alone at play and lunch time. This is partly due to one of the other boys saying he doesn't want DS to play with them fair enough if he doesn't want to be friends. It can't be forced.

I am worried that he won't make friends, but I am also wondering if these things just take time and I am worrying for nothing. I have spoken to the school, who are keeping an eye on him, but every day he comes home and says that he had no one to play with and this other boy is excluding him. He isn't the sort to just make it up, either.

What do I do? Keep nagging the school? Give it another week or two?

Keep nagging the school. Unacceptable at that tender age. Ask teacher directly if there are any likely friends she can suggest. Is there a lunch club he can do? Did he play with boys/girls at his last school?

Couple of weeks to have a consistent group of kids to go about with, longer for them to really be "friends", longer still for things like birthday party invites. School did lots of work putting her in social skills groups, friendship work groups etc to help her settle in.

Other child seems set to have a nightmare every bloody year when they mix classes up as it takes her the best part of a year to find a group to go around with and even then it's a fairly one-sided "friendship"

Moved my twins at end of year 1 (3 weeks before end of term) to a school where they knew no one and put them in separate classes. Neither really made friends before the Summer hols as it was all a bit hectic.
One of them was very unhappy for about the first term in Yr 2 and then found his feet, became part of a group of about 8 boys and now at start of Yr 3 is loving it and has a super little ‘gang’ of mates. His teacher helped by asking him who he wanted to play with and facilitating this at break and lunch times. I also made a big effort with play dates (not easy as I work full time and am single parent)
The other one struggled all the way through Yr 2, had one friend at a time but couldn’t keep the friendships over time. Just at the end of year 2 he seemed to find 2 good friends and so far they remain close in Yr 3. He has possible ASD though so struggles with friendships overall.

I suppose my point is that you are one week in....friendships take considerably longer than that to form so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
However, I would be very unhappy to hear that another child is deliberately excluding him and that school is not doing more to help him find kids to play with (even if those don’t end up being his close friends). So on that basis I would def go back and speak to the teacher and ask them to be more pro active. And also insist that they ensure your child isn’t deliberately excluded (that’s effectively bullying)

Hang in there, it’s awful when your child is sad and feels they have no friends, I felt terrible for a good while after I’d moved mine. But I did it for the right reasons and a year or so on, it’s clear it was the best thing for them and they are both happy x

DD moved school half way through year 3. It took her about 3 days. She is quite gregarious and the class is small (12). One of the other girls had only been there half a term so they were very welcoming.

I agree that the school should be intervening - especially with the boy who is excluding DS. I think it can take a few weeks to form friendships but I would want the excluding of DS nipped in the bud.

OP, I noticed that you said he was 'back to' being alone at break times - was this an issue in his other school?

I would certainly keep on at the teachers about it.