Reception hours and settling in period - what is normal? what is acceptable?

[disillusionedparent]

Hello
I am new here, but I am hoping to get a bit of help and information on how different schools manage the hours/days for children starting in reception.

Our 4yr old boy (5yrs old in mid October) started in reception last week. It seems like a nice school, the teacher and assistants are really nice, and he enjoys it there - until today.

He did 3 days last week (8.50am - 3.20pm).
They expect him to do a full week, with full hours from now on.

The problem is he is totally shattered, his behaviour at home has been awful over the past week with constant melt-downs, his toileting has gone back to how he was a year ago (mucky pants 4 days out of 6 so far), and we are pretty exhausted and stressed too.

This morning he said he didn't want to go to school, and it took us a long time to persuade him to get dressed and get to school (we only got him to the school by saying we were going to the library next door to the school). He got really upset and screamed when we left him there and had to be dragged into the classroom by 2 members of staff.

We had already asked the school to reduce the number of days to 3 days for now, spread out over the week. We had a meeting at the school today and they basically said that as he is ok at school they wouldn't agree to that.
I am aware that they have had a number of the other children falling asleep in the class and going a bit nuts and having to be sent home. So far ours has behaved perfectly.

I am not willing to accept their decision, so I am hoping to get a better idea of how other schools behave and how they treat their new 4 and 5 year old children, before I have another go.

What hours do your school expect the reception children to do ?

What sort of settling in period did you have ?

If feel that what the school are expecting these very young children to cope with is excessive and potentially damaging.
I am very concerned at the lack of attention to the general well-being of the children (they only seem bothered by what happens within school).

What do other people think ?

Many Thanks

Full days from day 1. Summer born DS coped fine. He was in the school nursery where he did 3 fulldays, 1 half day with Wednesday off for 2 terms before that though.

Our school has two settling in days for new Reception DC.

Day 1 they do 8.15-12, day 2 they do 8.15-1 and thereafter they do full days from 8.15-3.15.

Your DS is much older than many of the DC in his class, with a mid-Oct birthday. Did he not go to nursery before he started school? Most of the DC at our school have done three or more days a week in nursery before starting school, so are used to being in an educational setting for full days. My May-born DC managed full days from the start, although he was tired. Tiredness and meltdowns are normal. TBH, I think you need to toughen up a bit. No wonder he doesn't want to go to school when even you don't want him to be there. School isn't optional, unless you're prepared to home school and most parents can't accommodate long settling in periods of short days and days at home, because they work.

If your child is not yet Compulsory School Age, you CANNOT be fined for non attendance.
The school use code X in the register for those absences, they shouldn’t be marking them as unauthorised.

DS1 has just started too OP, with an October birthday. Surprised at how many full-day starts here as half days are the norm in my area. Two weeks of half days at DS’s school, which has been a nightmare for childcare. He is complaining that he’s bored in the afternoons and wants to do full days! As others have said, pretty sure you can insist on PT until he turns 5.

My son's school do the following:

Weeks 1 and 2: 8:40 to 12, lunch at home
Week 3 8:40 to 1 - lunch at school
Week 4 onwards - full days

Honestly, it is difficult to work around this, however it is easier on the children and I appreciate the school's efforts to take the children's best interest into account.

I'm surprised at so many going straight into full days!
My dd started on Wednesday last week and its been half the class doing 9:00-11:30 and the other half of the class are doing 12:30-3pm.
Next week it's the whole class but being collected after lunch.
The following week it's full time.
She's tired doing just the morning so I don't know how she would cope going straight into full days.

Mine were both full time from day no - our school has no settling in period. Both mine are late summer born (on started 4 days after her 4th birthday). they are all tired but by Xmas they are more used to it.

DS2 has just started Reception, they’ve done full days from day 1.

He’s coping fine with it, I’ve not heard any of the other parents say that their child isn’t coping, same as when DS1 started full time in Reception.
The children do find it tiring at first, but most of the parents seem to be changing things at home a bit - cutting back on out of school school activities / classes, earlier bedtimes, after school snacks - to help the children adjust to the school routine.

On the flip side, my son was in full time from the first day of term and it has suited him and me. Extended settle in times would have been a nightmare for us both.

Out of interest, for those whose children are finding the adjustment harder- were they in full time childcare prior to school?

I wouldn't worry about people who say my Child coped fine. Not all children are the same. I think it's inevitable that they'll be exhausted for the first few weeks to be honest but there is a limit to how exhausted they should be.

I would speak to his teachers about your concerns and see what she says. It may well be that he appears fine in school but is bottling everything up for 3:20pm. You are free to have him part time this term - most of the learning happens in the morning so you could collect him before or after lunch. It could be that a few weeks of shorter days is enough to get him used to the new routine and he'll naturally be less tired.

My two did 1/2 days until the two weeks before half term. I did, however, think this was dragging it out too much

I teach Reception. Incidentally I am also shattered - goes with the territory. My own personal & professional instinct says yes, they will ‘cope’ & most will settle in time, but why make it harder than it needs to be by exhausting them? But I also see a huge range in the children & it really is fine for some & not at all for others (a minority). Trust your instincts.

Honestly I think if you are using phrases like 'not willing to accept their decision' after a week in school, you are in for a rocky road.
Starting full time after a few days is very much the norm and if your child
Isn't coping well, I'd go in and have a chat about things that could help. I definitely wouldn't be looking I go to war with them about it.

My DS's school has them in 3 days/week for the first fortnight then full time. However, they are very open to extending the part time pattern on request. DS will be doing 5 days but leaving after lunch from week 3, by mutual agreement (and he's not a summer born, just struggling with the transition). The school prefers 5 days/week to get them into the habit of daily attendance but happy that shorter but successful days initially, are much better than a battle and possible school refusal down the line. They only start school once, it has to be positive to set them up right for a lifetime of learning. Then again, you do need to work constructively with the school - advocate for your child but don't go to war, try to be collaborative.

Many thanks to everyone who has replied.
It is useful to know more about what is going on out there.

Our situation has improved slightly, as this morning the school suggested that we try picking up at 2pm for the next week and see how that goes.
It worked well today, and we were also able to go to the library when we picked him up (he now has a library card and has chosen a book).

He missed a day at school yesterday. He was really tired and getting upset again about going to school, so we decided that it would be better to miss a day, have some rest and catch up on some sleep. We explained to him that he did have to go to school today (and reminded him it was fish and chips on Friday!). All worked fine and he walked into school happy this morning.

I appreciate that for many parents who work long hours it can be very difficult to manage if the school doesn't offer full time from the start. We are lucky that we are self employed and work part time, so can usually make time available quite easily. However I do think that it is wrong of schools to expect so much from these very young children so early on, especially when they have so many new things to deal with.
I think that some schools could do a better job of considering what is best for the well-being of the children and their families when setting their hours, and I also think that there should be some flexibility options available without parents having to fight for it, especially for the first term.

One interesting point.
Our first choice of school (which is massively over subscribed and which we didn't get into) has what I think is a quite well thought out plan.
They start at 8.40am and the main day finishes at 1.40pm. They then have an optional session until 3.30pm (which they don't really expect the younger children to stay for). They also offer wrap around care for those who need it.
To me that sounds like the ideal plan, which should be suitable for most children & families. The only real concern we had was that they only had half hour for lunch.

It is just a shame that so many schools insist that reception children do more that they are fully able to cope with so early on.

I completely agree OP. I have three children, all May born. Middle one started school this week and is exhausted, wet pants, tantrums etc. She is still only doing half days. She did nursery nearly full time last year. My eldest, had no problems at all.. Just different children although both May birthdays. It is such an individual thing and I agree with others who say go with your gut. My school and I agree that she will try for full time but may go part time on Thursdays and Fridays, if she is so tired. It is not being precious, they are only four.

8.30-3.15 full time from the first day. Dd loves it (5 in April)

If it helps, my 4 year old is in her 2nd year or nursery. Her behaviour when she goes to nursery is horrendous. Not at nursery, she is as good as gold. When she gets home, myself and my husband just don't know what to do with her. She's angry, hyper, tired, really rough with her baby brother, won't eat dinner, won't go to bed, constantly screaming. It's a lot!!! But what I have noticed is that after a few weeks into the school routine, she starts to settle back down to her lovely character that is hidden inside her.

Just letting you know that we are in the 'ahhhhhhhhh' stage and I'm waiting for the day when it calms back down. We will get her back soon. For now....ooof

All schools near me start full days from day 1
kids are fine
a small handful (of usually the august birthday and often boys in my experience ) do nod off at lunch but hardly any do out of the total intake - maybe 1 in a whole class
most kids start nursery at least half a day from 3 so by 4 are well able to cope
do they come out shattered yes - it's called restraint collapse and is completely developmentally appropriate and sorry but you just have to suck it up
if you think your child would be best delaying school you can make that choice and delay to when he's 5

bare in mind most of us work and our kids have been in full time nursery or preschool settings for 2-3 years at this point it may just be due to the fact he's been at home

focus on getting a good sleep at night
having a healthy snack available straight at pick up and honestly see how he goes