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Primary education

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Original poster

DD being made to eat?

56 replies

Widget123 · 07/09/2018 15:45

My daughter is 5 and has never had a problem eating, she's a perfect weight but like all kids knows what she does and doesn't like. She's been back at school for two days and both times come back and innocently said 'I ate fish fingers today, miss ** said I can't leave the table till they're gone'. She hates fish fingers and she said she really didn't enjoy eating them, I'm feeling a little livid right now that a teacher (who I assume to be new as I haven't heard the name before) is telling the children they can't get up until they've eaten?! If my child doesn't want to eat something then no one should be force bloody feeding her. Anyone else had this? How would you approach it?

OP posts:

EffYouSeeKaye · 08/09/2018 04:13

Is there a choice offered? There usually is. Why has she chosen fish fingers two days straight if she doesn’t like them?

I can’t see what it has to do with her teacher unless teachers supervise the lunches? That would be very unusual, unless it’s the first week of Reception but the op reads as though this is a Year 1 child.

It might just be that a (possibly new) midday assistant has asked her to eat something from a plate of untouched food. It’s very open to interpretation when you’re 5.

I’d make an enquiry about it and take it from there. I think livid is an overreaction.

Norestformrz · 08/09/2018 06:26

It's very odd they have had the same meal two days running.

Hideandgo · 08/09/2018 06:34

As long as she not forcing her as she cries and gags I think you’re being very precious.

Well done to your daughter for eating something she doesn’t like. Firstly that is exactly how you learn to like new things. And secondly being able to eat thing you don’t like is a important skill for life. Pity more people don’t have it.

Michaelahpurple · 08/09/2018 07:52

I guess it all depends on where you start from. I would be delighted that my boringly fussy child has eaten something he wasn't keen on as I consider his behaviour in this regard to be unattractively immature and I find it annoying to have him come out of school white faced and hangry.

Perhaps check that it is a "have to and eat something" rather than a "clean your plate - people died bringing you that food" 1940s approach and then leave it.

And school will spend a number of years making your children do things

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/09/2018 10:32

Can she have sandwiches as an alternative from school? My ds has sandwiches on some days from the school as he can’t eat the other options due to his SEN.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/09/2018 10:34

Our school has three options or the option of sandwiches or wraps every day though.

ragged · 08/09/2018 10:38

You'd be surprised what the MSAs get from parents. Some parents insist we MUST make their own kids eat all food. Most parents would be upset if we didn't make them try to finish most of the food. Then there's OP... And we have to try to remember which child has parents wanting what. If a child actually said to me "I hate fish fingers, miss" I would have said "Oh dear, make sure you ask to have something else next time, then," not force them.

At our school, when being served up by the cook, the child could say "no fish fingers I don't like them" so they never go onto the plate. I'd try to find out if that's an option. The cooks hate waste more than anyone else. It's a great opportunity for child to lean to assert themselves (about food they don't like).

Apple23 · 08/09/2018 12:35

Get the menus and go through them so you know what will be served up - they usually rotate over 2/3 weeks, so it's only a chore when they are new or change. When it is something you know your Dd dislikes, either send her in with a packed lunch or tell her to choose the other option.

However, in a busy queue, it is easy for a young child to accept what everyone else has being put on their plate without realising it's ok to say, "Please may I have..." whatever the other option is. If she's shy, it may be worth practising this.

user789653241 · 08/09/2018 12:58

Why did she choose fish fingers 2 days in a row if she hates it? Was there no options?
Was she forced to eat when she was full, or was the teacher just being concerned because she wasn't eating her food?

RainbowGlitterFairy · 08/09/2018 19:48

If it is on the menu and you know she does't like it you need to make sure you are sending her in with something else on those days or requesting the vegetarian option. A child that says they are full I won't nag but a child saying they don't like it I might, if they've eaten the bits they do like that's fine but if they've not touched it I will tell them they have to eat something because a) I don't want to deal with hungry children all afternoon b) most parents would be angry if their child hadn't eaten and c) I assume parents bother to check the menus and make sure their child has food they will eat!

Its also worth remembering you are getting the 5 year old version, I often tell children to eat a bit more and then ignore them for a few minutes because there are a lot of children who will go "I don't like it" when what they mean is "my friends have eaten quicker than me and I want to go out with them"

Ohyesiam · 08/09/2018 19:53

Send her with sandwiches, especially on days when you know it’s something she doesn’t like.

IggyAce · 08/09/2018 20:03

I’m a lunch time supervisor in Ks2 and in our school they get a choice of 3 meals, so don’t understand why she chose something she didn’t like in the first place.
I do encourage the younger ones (year 3) to try something if they say they don’t like it. But most kids in KS2 just eat what they want, we only keep a close eye on those that parents or teachers have requested.

Lucked · 08/09/2018 20:16

Eating school dinners can improve the range of food children eat. Seeing all their friends eating foods they aren't keen on can be reassuring. I am with the above poster that fish fingers are a pretty bland food and I would be pleased.

My children eat school dinners, some days are better than others but they have a choice of three meals which I think is plenty. They are encouraged to eat but not clear their plates. I don't really understand why you sent her to eat fish fingers but didn't actually want her to have them.what did you want her to eat.

Rebecca36 · 08/09/2018 20:42

When mine started school I stated quite firmly, "No-one has the right to make you eat anything you don't want". Actually I'm glad to say it never happened.

I was traumatised at school by being made to eat stuff which seemed quite vile. I remember girls crying, alone at a table, because some bully had told them they had to sit there until it was gone. We didn't realise we could just politely refuse!

Packed lunches for your daughter, give her a good meal when she gets home.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 08/09/2018 21:09

Ours used to say this and I complained. My kids know when they are full

BarbarianMum · 08/09/2018 21:22

Gosh, one of the most valuable lessons I taught my kids was that it won't hurt them to eat things they don't like much.

SilverHairedCat · 08/09/2018 21:32

Check the way it was really handled first, as she may have been encouraged to try it, not banned from moving.

That said, I was forced to sit at a table as a 6yo to eat baked fish in sauce by the dinner lady. I never ate fish at all as I hated it.

My dad was a teacher and passed by to find me sobbing, with the cross dinner lady repeatedly telling me I wasn't going anywhere until I'd finished it as she cleaned tables around me. It's the only time I remember my dad dropping out of teacher mode during the school day to parent me, giving me a cuddle, removing the dish from the table and taking me away from the room. I don't know what he said to the lady. I didn't eat any fish of any variety for a good 15 years afterwards - I'm still funny about it now in my 30s.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/09/2018 16:18

One of our delightful dinner ladies told my friends nursery age child that if she didn’t eat her dinner then santa wouldn’t come. Let’s just say she was in a fair amount of trouble with school after.

HSMMaCM · 09/09/2018 16:36

It's excellent that she ate something that she's not so keen on. Well done her.

It all depends if she was told she needed to eat some / more dinner or if she was told she couldn't play until she'd finished every crumb.

EffYouSeeKaye · 09/09/2018 18:12

In defence of midday assistants, they have an insanely tough job and the pay / hours are in no way an enticement. We always struggle to recruit any and it’s no wonder really. Most of ours are of pensionable age and do the job out of kindness frankly.

Just keep in mind the context. They might be very worried about a child sitting in front of an untouched dinner and wracking their brains for an enticement to eat.

CherryPavlova · 09/09/2018 18:17

Excellent that she’s now eating fish fingers! I’d be grateful that she was learning to be less fussy and eat what was in front of her. Children can be encouraged to ‘like’ more foods by eating it regularly.
It’s not so very long ago that the idea of food for children was to fuel growth and energy needs not to be something liked or disliked - except in very rare cases.

TittyGolightly · 09/09/2018 18:19

When DD started school she was 3. In the first year there was no choice for children to have packed lunches and they weren’t given a choice of meal either. School dinners weren’t free. DD has texture issues with sauces and mashed potato etc, so I asked if her dinner could come without gravy or custard, and was told “no”.

So I paid £2.50 a day for a meal she wouldn’t eat and had to bring a packed lunch for her to eat at 3:30pm.

Needless to say the policy has changed now.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 09/09/2018 18:20

If you are one of those parents, why choose hot dinners if you don't want her to eat things that she doesn't like when you know the hot dinner is something that she doesn't like? What exactly did you expect the school to do?

I'm glad the lunch time staff tell my DC to finish their meal because that's what he has to do at home too.

TittyGolightly · 09/09/2018 18:22

I'm glad the lunch time staff tell my DC to finish their meal because that's what he has to do at home too.

This is a leading cause of the current obesity epidemic.

wurzelburga · 09/09/2018 18:28

One of my DC used to put food they did not want to eat in their pockets. They would then flush it down the loo if they remembered. Sometimes they forgot. It would not have been so bad with fish fingers but I still remembe rthe cailiflower cheese

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