i think ds's punishment is unfair. but head is not likely to listen, and i am not a big enough bully to make him.

[cylonbabe]

ds and his friends were playfighting in school. as usual, chances are someone could get heurt, they are ten btw. class bully comes along and gets hurt by ds1. so class bully who is three times the size of ds hits an d kicks him at least three times. another boy rugby tackles him to the floor to stop him hurting ds1.
the head has decided all the boys should lose their play for the day.
ds1, friend hwo defended him lose it for a whole week. i don t know what punishment class bully gets, but hi smother is big part of pta and has a huge chip on her choulder regarding her darling angel.
what do you suggest i do. ds very upset about this and wants to change school. i am worried about what this is teaching him about life.
please advise

o, and class bully has been known to beat up ds2, who is only five. but i didnt see it happen and it wasnt in school, so i didnt do anything about it, other than console ds2.

They were all fighting, they should all get the same punishment. I doubt the teacher who found them could work out who kicked who and in what order, tbh.

Not what you want to hear but it seems reasonable to me. Of course I would expect the other boy to be punished at least equally too.

Yes - think they all should have the same punishment but I'd speak to the Head so he knows the full story and perhaps convince him that (imo) an assembly on bullying wouldn't go a miss as the older bully obviously isn't being dealt with effectively.

ds1 was not viciously kickin g the boy.
a group of 7 of them were wrestling/playfighting. the group of boys are all the same size. the class bully is huge, more like a well built 15 year old than a ten year old. he viciously kicked a boy half his size who hurt him by accident. another boy tried to stop him from hurting ds1.
how can the punishment be the same? surely intent is important?

but bully is the same class, just bigger?

oh yes, kid is bigger so must behave better

As in most schools I suspect play fighting is banned. There is a reason for this, it is becasue this sort of thing happens as a result of play fighting. None of them should have been doing it and they probably knew it at 10 years old.

I agree the teacher was probably confronted by various hurt and disheveled boys and couldn't work out who did what.

However, if this boy is generally picking on the other boys then the teacher needs to be made aware of it so she/he can deal with it appropriately.

the teacher probably didn't see the version you have heard

punishment seems totally reasonable to me

I don't see that it's unreasonable. And at 10 they should be able to find something better than playfighting to do. Sorry, every sympathy and all that but I can see why punishments were handed out.

You say your DS hurt this boy initially. He is being punished. End of story. i don't see the problem. He will only continue to object if you support him in this. Personally I would take the tough luck - take your punishment and then let's forget it if it were my DS.

But I would also mention to the teacher your concerns about this boy you say is a bully.

hang on they didn't all get the same though did they? Yours got a week the others got one day. totally unfair. and if we are bringing 'intent' into it, in criminal law there is parity of sentencing, meaning if you are in a group you should all get the same previous convictions aside

this boy has been bullying ds and the rest of the class for year s and years. since they were in reception.
the teachers and the head are very very very aware of this.
last term when this child was involved in flushing ds's brand new jumper down the toilet, the head suggested that i tell ds to thump the bully if and when he thumps him again. but unofficially.
the boys knew they shouldnt have been playfighting. but they are boys. had this been any other child, then this punishment wouldnt have happened. the group would have been punished as a whole, and that would be that. i completely agree with the gr4oup punishment.
however the reason i mention this boys size, is to explain to you that when he thumps ds, it hurts. badly. its the difference between being hit by a threee year old, and a twenty three year old.

ds is of the opinion that fighting back is worse and its better to just let a bully walk all over you as then you dont get into trouble. i dont want him thinking this way.

bosscat, so hurting someone accidently si the same as kicking somone viciously on losign your temper?

I'd tackle the bullying separately. Talk to the teacher, head, whatever the best strategy would be. 10 year old boys don't always fight. Sounds as if they do at that school but that's a problem I think.