dd labelled as SHY by her school - just want her to be allowed to shine.

[zizou]

I posted a while ago about a shocking report my dd had mid-term, in which she was marked in the bottom category for speaking and listening in literacy, despite being at th etop of the top set and loving it. It transpires that she has become very self-conscious this year, having not been at all before, and is aware of "eyes boring into her" when she speaks in class. Also that she is in a very bright class and is somewhat dreamy and I think has given up a bit as there are 5 or 6 much louder, quicker girls who she says always interrupt her when she's trying to say something.
I went "up the school" on my high horse, and met with the teacher and the year group leader, and they promised me they would do something, and duly presented her with certificates for speaking up in class for a couple of weeks.
Now there are two compulsory school productions, and she has been given a really tedious non-speaking part in both. She is gutted, as she is very musical and creative and loves drama. She was told that this was because she was shy, and even though she said she would love to try a speaking part, was told that that would not be possible. This is after I was told that the school was going to make every effort to draw her out.
I'm not anxious for her to be a performer, or a star. I just think as part of drawing her out surely they should show confidence in her and let her have a go?

Have you looked at Stage coach or equivalent?

Tbh almost every child 9or at least their parents) would prefer a speaking part, but there usually just aren't enough to go round. How old is she?

No; she does drama outside of school. It's just that in school she seems to have been given the label of "the shy one" and it seems to be battering her confidence. It's not about the part per se.It's a general trend, and I'm concerned as she seems to be buying into it. iyswim. she's 8 btw.

has anyone else had a similar issue?

The issue is not "my child is brilliant and should be given a speaking part"

BUt

"My child is shy and the school's behaviour is reinforcing her idea of herself as shy and she is getting shyer and less confident by the day."

Someone else must have had similar experiences SURELY and dealt with them better than I am? Please?

bump

I would be interested in the teacher's POV - their side of the conversation. From what your dd's told you, it sounds mad, but there's usually more to it. How many children are there in the class, and how many speaking parts are there? Presumably not everyone has a big role.

But agree overall they should be drawing her out and drama is a good opportunity to do that.

i feel for her. i was exactly the same at school and just went more and more into myself. i wish my mum had pushed me more to do things like drama. it's only after i left school that i got more confident.

does she play any instruments (that gave me confidence) or can she get involved with the design part of the play?

She does play instruments, and she does sport, and she does drama - I 've really tried to give her every opportunity to come out of herself. It's just something about the classroom environment that makes her freeze. She can't identify it herself beyond the "eyes boring into her" thing. The plays have lots of parts but it's always the same kids who get the good ones - the same 4 or 5 kids. I don't think that's appropriate. It's not a stage school fgs, it's supposed to be an opportunity for children to develop confidence. So why is it the already over-confident ones who are given the parts?

Southeastra, what made you gain in confidence then?

It seems very sad to me if what your daughter is saying is true. Lots of children who are quieter in a formal classroom setting come out of themselves in a drama setting. Can you speak to the teacher and find out exactly what happened? I'd be if a teacher used the 'shy' word in front of my child let alone her peers and if it was used as a reason for them not getting a drama part.

I can see it from both sides TBH - my dd is also 'shy' with adults esp initially and really does not like speaking out in front of groups.

The school gave her the chance at one thing but when it came down to it, she could not do it - they managed to get over it no problem but in a way it was more destructive for her confidence.

I don't think the school should be going on about her being "shy" as it reinforces the behaviour. If you keep telling a dc they are shy, I doubt that will suddenly make them become less so.

Hmmm. Perhaps she is shy though? Perhaps the teachers see her freeze up every time they ask her a question in class, and they think it would be cruel to give her a big part because they imagine she'd HATE it and it'd be a gamble.

Is a fair assumption to make. She can still enjoy mucking about in the chorus and joining in general fun of production and doing drama out of school. I'm sure they're not trying to undermine her confidence, they probably think they're being kind.

Yes they probably do, but the affect is to make her even more aware that she is "shy" and supposed to be scared of these things. She is very brave, very determined and would definitely rise to the occasion. I should probably talk to them shouldn't I, but I hate being an "up the school" parent. I normally try and leave the school to make their decisions, but I do believe they are wrong this time.