Concentrating, not panicking, doing best work (11+ and beyond)

[LastFilm]

Hi.

My 10 year old son will be sitting the 11+ exam in about four weeks.

To get straight to the point, despite tutoring, despite the fact we know he's bright, when left to his own devices in front of test papers he scores around 50% which is not high enough.

When he's with his tutor, he does much better. When we hold his hand, he does much better. The trouble seems to be that he rushes right through things, he wants to finish rather than succeed, he wants to get it out of the way so he can get back to playing.

He's a lovely boy though prone to short tempered outbursts and often he throws his toys out of the pram if he doesn't immediately 'get' a question - and this destroys his confidence and concentration.

Q: How do we increase his staying-power so that he concentrates, tries to analyse something til he gets it, and doesn't just give up if he doesn't understand something immediately.

(Just a note that we're not pushy parents we just want him to put in his best work and effort. We've not pressured him. He is like this with all homework and even fun activities so it's definitely not a symptom of feeling pressured by this exam. But, of course, we want him to do as well as he can at this exam whilst also knowing that it's just about doing his best, not about succeeding. 'Doing his best' is the main point here.)

Anyone any ideas on how we can tackle his tendancy to panic and move on? We want him to concentrate and engage and do his best.

I've also been wondering if we need to speak to an educational psychologist somehow but no idea how to kickstart that process. His teachers and tutor have all picked up on this trait though we've not got a solution yet.

x

If your bright son rushes his work, doesn’t concentrate, wants to finish rather than succeed, has a tendency to panic, throws his toys out of the pram if he doesn’t immediately ‘get’ a question, gives up if he doesn’t understand things immediately… do you think he’s going to enjoy grammar school?

“We want him to concentrate and engage and do his best.” Maybe he is doing his best. His parents (and teachers and tutor) wanting him to concentrate and engage is not really going to help him to do something he finds hard, is it?

I think your suggestion of having him assessed by an educational psychologist is a sensible one, given what you’ve written, though I don’t have any specific advice about finding one. Hopefully someone else will come along and advise.

I hope I haven’t come across too harshly. I’m sure it must be frustrating to know you have a bright kid struggling to show himself in his best light academically.

Well, I knew that putting up a post like this may draw criticism from some people - grammar schools and kids are red rag to a bull for some.

As I tried to say, we just want him to do his 'best' - whatever the outcome might be. We've seen him do better. It's possible that a grammar school isn't the best place for him, agreed, but, being as he has this opportunity in an imperfect education system in this area, we want him to grab the opportunity.

His current thing is to get angry, sometimes throw things to one side, and say he can't do it even before he's even looked at it. This doesn't just go for school work. We have trouble getting him to do independent play, he needs his hand holding which is the complete opposite to his younger sister. But he's confident, articulate, friendly, and, for instance, enjoyed doing maths before it became something that he had to sit down to do for 10 minutes a day in prep for the 11+. We used to do maths puzzles at bedtime instead of story reading, for instance. I don't think it's defiance he's displaying, because we simply don't push it at him in a forceful way.

We want him to lower his stress levels and engage his brain because he is capable of more than he's presently displaying. His teachers and tutor have flagged this up to us over the last year or two as a block to his learning. We don't want this to remain a block, it is something that needs working on.

We are pleased that he's showing a flare for creative writing this year which was unexpected cos we thought he'd grow up into a maths enthusiast.

Just getting him to stay calm, engage, and complete the test to his best ability is what we want. We only moved into this grammar school education area a year ago so we're not as familiar with all local schools as we would have been had we lived here longer and the logic amongst parents is that grammar schools are better - so we're giving it a shot.

Ok LetItGoToRuin wasn’t criticising she was giving you advice based on your op.

Your son is sending you some pretty loud signals here, he is feeling under pressure and as mom of a child with ADD and dyslexia the first thing you need to do is tell him he doesn’t have to do the exam.

You say there has been no pressure but he’s been tutored and is still scoring only 50% he isn’t going to get into grammar school regardless of how bright you or anyone thinks he is.

The first thing you need to do is sit down with his teachers in September and figure out what they think is possibly the problem and google educational psychologists.

It sounds like he is a bright intelligent boy who needs to get back to enjoying his maths puzzles and exploring his creative writing with no pressure.

Good EPs often have 3 month waiting lists so that’s probably not an option pre 11+

What occurred to me first was that you should maybe consider motivation. If he’s just “getting it done” so that he can get out to play, it doesn’t sound like he’s bought into the 11+.

My DS is going into Y5 and I’m looking at this now. If he doesn’t want to do it I’m probably not going to torture me/him with exam prep for the next year. They have got to want to do it imo

Does your DS understand what he’s studying for? Does he want to go to the preferred school? If you don’t have yes answers to both of those questions your DS is unlikely to be interested in improving accuracy as well as speed. Can you arrange another visit or speak to another boy who is there and loves it?

The other issue might be that he thinks he is bright enough already. Can you book a last minute mock? Seeing a hall full of competitors and getting a low-ish score might get him going for the real thing?

Has he practiced anything like the real length exam? Most kids that age will not have had to do this so building up the stamina is a key part of prep.

Some real exam tips:
Ask him to go through the paper and attempt all the questions he can do. Mark the ones he can't and do these after. The ones he can't if they are long and wordy, skip those and do them last. Try to do the shorter worded exam questions that seem a bit easier. Ask him to read each exam question twice. Second time he must read more slowly. Any questions he can't do, if it is multiple choice, put in any answer. Usually answer A as its quickest to get to.

Teach him to do star jumps, pump fist in the air, running on spot before entering exam mode to let off steam. Whilst in the exam give him a focus I.e. touch a 'special' button on his shirt for example as a safety zone when he feeling stressed.

I’m sorry but I don’t think your son is “Grammar material “ from what you say
Ability is only part of doing well in the 11+ motivation is hugely important and if he doesn’t really want it then he won’t do well.
Exam technique is also vital and with no staying power I doubt he will get a Grammar place.
He may do well at the Grammar school but if he doesn’t have the ability to score highly in the exam he won’t get the opportunity to unfortunately as entry is based purely on doing just that.
Many many very able children don’t get a Grammar place because exams don’t bring out the best in them.

Is there such thing as Grammar material, its only a term on mumsnet. To get a place, one must pass the test and meets the requirements(minimum cut off, catchment etc.). At 10 years old, parent involvement is the keys. Some appear as (very) grammar material(really I could only make the best guess) might be because they have had fantastic care since young age including fantastic educational support. To pass an exam, one must master exam technique too. The advice on letting off the steam is great. Its nearly exam time, he will have other children sitting in the room, not by himself if this was the main reason(mine also doesnt sit by herself as nicely as there is other in the room, I dare anyone telling her she isnt Grammar school material). All the best xx.( we are doing it this year too).

I have been searching for advices and these days, everyone must be (extremely) careful not being tell “tiger/hot house” regard any exams, competitions, auditions etc.

DD (just turned 10) will be sitting the 11+ in a couple of weeks too.
She has always performed well at school and all her teachers have said that Grammar is the best place for her. But, like your son OP, she doesn't perform so well on the tests.

It's a very stressful time ( we went through it last year with DS2). We are worrying mainly because the non-grammars in our area aren't great. That said, DD has a good learning attitude so should hopefully get on well wherever she goes. We, like you, just want the best opportunities for our DCs.

Good luck to your son. I'll be glad when it's all over!

Definitely talk through with him how to approach the papers - to focus on the questions he can answer first, if it is multiple choice then to make a guess on ones he doesn't know how to do.

Has he got any friends also preparing? DD took hers last year and in the last few weeks practised papers/answering questions with her friends. It was better than just doing it with me - she kept going off in a strop and not listening when I was trying to help her.

Not all children will pass the test - I think the important thing is for you as a parent not to place too much emphasis on it. If you haven't already, make sure you go and visit the non grammar schools in your area so that you've seen the range of school options.