Anxiety as child starts school

[Welovelasvegas]

Any advice appreciated. My very precious only child is due to start school fairly soon. I’m crippled with anxiety. He’s such a bright and caring, well mannered little boy. I am so worried about him making friends. Out and about as soft play etc he always seems to get picked on and often hit by other children. He’s desperate to make friends and I think often clings to people which clouds his judgment. I’m making myself I’ll with this. I’ve spent the summer discussing right from wrong etc. He did ok at nursery although didn’t seem to have close friendships and the same in the few clubs he gets to. Has anyone else felt like this? I’m making myself ill. My rationale side knows he needs to get there and have time to settle in but other part of me cannot stop catastrophising.

First of all, few pre school children make friends. Parents make friends and take their children along. They effectively make friends for them. So, start doing this. Be proactive!

You are, of course, being wildly over dramatic. You are not the first Mum with a child going to school who is precious to you. I never referred to my first child as this. Second and third children are just as dear to their parents! I find it puts too much emphasis on your possession of your child instead of helping them adjust to the world and be a confident individual human being. All children are precious and yours is just same as everyone else’s.

You seem to be dramatically thinking the worst. I would get a bit more matter of fact about the whole thing. Buy uniform and kit and turn up on the first day. Be happy and excited! Expect the best. Anticipate that your child to enjoy YR. The vast majority do.

Most children are perfectly pleasant. When he gets to know other children he will begin to know who the nice ones are. You help that along by tea invites etc. Be measured and calm and do move on from p f b mode. Will you be like this when he’s 16? He won’t thank you for it!

It's much easier to make friends at primary school because everyone goes everyday - they'll get to know each other well. They're getting older. Their teacher will get to know each of them well and be able to facilitate likely friendships. Even so my DS didn't really make friends until Y1 (although others did have friendships earlier). Boys often develop later socially but schools can help with this. If after he starts and has settled down you still have concerns approach his teacher.

My ds didn have close friends until at least y3. It is really usual for young dc just to play with whoever is there. He'll soon find his niche in reception when he finds out who else likes to play with the building blocks/dressing up clothes/craft etc (insert your ds's favourite!)

Don’t worry. He’ll be fine. Ds knew no one when he start school nursery and even going into yr2 he has a range of friends instead of one close friend

It is you who has the problem and your need to get a grip! Seriously, you are overthinking and over-worrying about this in a big way! He will pick up on your anxiety and this is no helpat all to him.You need to chill!!!!

Every child is precious to the parents who see them off to school for the first time. Reception teachers are used to helping little ones to integrate.

He was fine at nursery and will be fine at school. He is not of an age to be "making friends" in any meaningful way. And, incidentally,I think he is too young for going to "clubs"!!

He'll be fine.

Do you suffer from anxiety generally? DD1 starts in September too and while I have the occasional pang of nerves, overall I’m happy and excited for her! She’s also very quiet, well mannered and can be shy but I don’t see why that would be a barrier to her making friends.
By the way, she’s not my only child but I’m sure is equally as precious to me as yours is to you .

The quieter ones in dd year have done much better friend wise than i might have guessed when starting yr r.
Whereas dd who was confident has lost that a lot at school (but is actually fine outside 1-2-1 etc at park/soft play etc.
A lot of parents do seem to work hard on their dc friendships from preschool on.
No point worrying about this sort of thing as it's a lot dependent on the cohort (add/remove one+ kid and it changes a lot). Our school change classes round every year. And summer children may start socially behind so i expect lots change over the first few years.

Why do you think he struggles with soft play?

My very precious only child

Please don't go around saying this. You will not make yourself popular among other parents. All our children are precious. All our children start school, many of them don't really know anyone. By and large they mostly all get on fine.

Dear OP, find a copy of Lark Rise to Candleford. FInd the passage where Laura worries about how her little brother will cope in school, read it. Your quiet, polite little boy will be fine, as will all the other quiet polite little children starting school this September.

Dd is starting school in September and has no particular friends from pre-school. She's just not at that stage yet. As others have said friendships are made by the parents not he kids at this age. He will be fine. Try to relax

DD started school this morning, she is really really anxious and gets overwhelmed really easily (she’s autistic) and this morning she was so distressed I was in absolute bits.

BUT the school called 10 minutes after we’d left to say she was happy and playing and when we picked her up she said “I’ve had the best day ever!” She’s made two friends and ate all her lunch and had a blast.

So all those thoughts you’re having, I get it. I was a hot mess today, couldn’t cope at all. But it worked out in the end, I’m sure it will for your wee one too.

DD is an easy target for bullies, and awful shy and worries a lot so I was worrying like mad!

My obviously not as precious as she's my second child (yeah right - she's my baby and a fantastic kiddo) started last year - with minimal speech intelligibility, continence problems, no friends from nursery or wherever... and she was fine.

Plan something for the day when you've done the drop off so you're not sat at home fretting all day (I have an anxiety disorder so I do "get" it), keep busy and it'll be fine. Standing on the school playground fretting about the rough, ill-mannered other children though won't get you friends and influence people so I'd keep that bit to yourself.

Z

Some dc connect and find a close friend early on and some don't. I think it very much depends on who your dc meets and has in the class. But many just play with everyone and do not make close connections until later. It does help if you are friendly and meet other parents to arrange play dates. I did this early on. But eventually the dc will decide for themselves who they want to be friends with.

im intrigued after finding this thread, how did they get on??