Does class matter...honestly??

[Beba11]

Ok so brutal honesty here and I'll admit...I'm being a snob...but do I have a legitimate concern?
If you've read my previous posts you can see I've been mulling over schools. This post is a bit different (I think!)
I grew up on benefits, and lost one parent at 15 years old during GCSE year. Education wise, I went to a brilliant primary but a rough high school in the 90s. I started smoking and mucking around a lot in my late teens. Despite this, due to good family support I still managed to do my A levels and get a degree. Career wise I don't see myself as successful though through hard work my husband and I are homeowners and live in relatively nice area. I have always wanted so much better for my boys and am worried about the statistics that working class white boys are the worst off in society in terms of education and progression. I am well aware of the sad, awful class system in this country. They are currently attending a school nursery, which is linked to the outstanding school. They are progressing well and happy and the school is our nearest and most convenient and I have childcare secured. The other families are predominantly working class. There is a mixture, families like myself who I relate to but there is also quite a lot of (and here is where I may get criticised) mums who might smoke at the gate, swear a bit or just act in a way that I would never want my boys to be around. They don't seem very academically motivated. There is another school that is an extra 10 mins walk in the other direction of town, not as convenient but still not too far. I obviously don't have secure childcare there but this school seems to be much more aspirational and has a mixture of lots of backgrounds but seems that the more academic families go there. Do you think influence is very important at this age and makes a difference to learning? Even if the teaching is outstanding?

FITZSIMMONS can I ask in what year group did you move your dc?
Something funny happened today...I went to look at the other school which is further away just to see what parking is like at the end of day and had an argument at the gates with a dad in the car who wouldn't let me pass! Is that a bad sign? 😂

Doesn't having a degree make you middle class? In which case, your kids won't be white, working class males.

1. I don't think outside influence plays a big part at primary
2. A sense of aspiration comes as much from you (parents) as the school. I think kids just need to be exposed to the opportunities that are out there, and it doesn't matter too much where that comes from

But in your situation I'd still go to the other school (we made a similar decision for our DC and am glad we did) - go with your gut, in other words.

p.s. the common factor with the rich/ lower income kids that end up having problems (mentioned up thread) is parents who aren't interested in them/ don't spend time with them (e.g. dump in front of Xbox/ drop in every few weeks and spend loads on a shopping trip).

I think if you take an interest in your children as individuals, spend time with them, talk to them about stuff, show them something of the world (and I don't mean fancy travelling - just that a world exists out there), share your passions/ interests with them, encourage them to value their own hard work and efforts, then they'll turn out just fine. At least I hope so - mine are 5 & 2 so I'll report back in 15 years time as to whether this works out :)

Not come across problems with playdates like mentioned- I'm fighting the requests off like mad at the moment for dd1! I just happen to be running around in a knackered Nissan rather than a Merc and nothing has ever been said about it!

I worried about it as a possibility but in my status as social secretary and taxi service to a 6 year old it hasn't been a problem.

I get where you're coming from OP.

I guess I'm 'middle class'. Although my parents never went to uni, my Dad was highly educated in Engineering in the forces they had high aspirations for us and both my Dsis and I both went. My dh has a degree too.

My eldest dc is now in Secondary and my youngest just about to leave Y6.
The Primary they attended was good (ish). The teachers were friendly enough (although it was the TA's that were more switched onto the pupils imo). I never totally felt like we 'fitted' in.
The parents were a mixed bag. Good, solid, hardworking parents in the main. However hardly any had any higher education and in fact most of them hadn't moved more than 2 streets away since they were children.
There were factions of parents within the school who were chaotic, uninterested and downright abusive - swearing, absent and constantly arguing.
On my first pick-up in Reception I met a Mum who was wearing a tag.

Anyway, roll on through the school and I met some lovely parents and my children did well. However when it came to choosing a Secondary School I actively looked further away from the school down the road from the Primary.
Not at all a 'bad' school, but it had no sixth form. Not a problem in itself but over the decades there has built up a culture of leaving school at 16 and getting a job. These days, many of the Leavers go onto vocational training such a beauty or plumbing.
Again, nothing wrong with that - but many of the kids I know from there don't even know about University. Unsure of what they even are. Their parents don't even consider it an option. A few parents I knew were horrified when some of their dcs said they wanted to be a photographer and travel the world (?)

So I looked for a local school that had a different vibe and a different attitude. Still a Comp, in the middle of any results tables.....but the whole attitude to educational and aspiration there is very different. There's a strong push towards the Arts too, with a heavy emphasis on drama and music. All this adds up to an atmosphere I wanted for my dcs.

My dd is about to go into Y9. She mixes with all kinds of children from affluent children with swimming pools in their country gardens to aspirational Council house pupils down the road from us. It's not really about the 'class' of pupils and parents but about the energy and importance they put into the school and the kids education.

I caused a little storm when I didn't go along with the local comp with all the other Primary School parents. They went out of their way to question me as to why. I was very tight lipped on it.

I know they thought I was a huge snob but I really don't care these days, the school I chose was right for my dc (so far anyway!).

I would go with your gut instincts.

Beba, you’re going to have to lower your expectations a bit. Arguments over parking, driving etc are part and parcel of the school run.

@Beba11 I have just read your message, sorry. He is currently in reception and moving to the new school in Year One. I was advised to do it sooner rather than later so went with my gut instinct. The school have since announced some structural changes that make me very glad I made the decision.

My kids don't/didn't go to the nearest nursery for us, patents are just awful (c and f words flying, extended middlefinger just because you happen to walk by when they want to park, open car doors etc). not exactly working class though. my oldest also doesn't go to the state primary school we go in because of awful parents, really bad results and a general "school is a waste of time" attitude (and because the school is almost 3 miles away).

Thanks again for such amazing comments and all your personal experiences.
It's such a hard decision. The problem is because they have been in nursery there for a year and have made friends, and the teachers have been really great, then I am really scared to move them. If they hadn't been in the nursery for a year then I would start them in the other school. Is that a rubbish excuse? Should I be thinking more long term?