How much are schools responsible for a child's social skills development?

[Bi11yOneMate]

If the parents are crap at it, how much can you expect a primary school to help a child make friends and appropriate adult relationships?

Basically I'm a bit worried about dd1. I suffer from anxiety, and I strongly suspect I have "autistic traits" - I'm really very crap at maintaining friendships - so I can't help her. DH is quite introvert but has a small group of friends he meets away from the family every so often as they are all childfree.

Dd1 seems to be a bit like me - friendly to everyone, but doesn't maintain friendships for unknown reasons. And her report has described her as playing alone or seeking adult conversations at playtimes.
This really worries me. I don't want her to be lonely and sad like was/am. I want her to learn how to make and keep friends! I want her to be happy.

So - is this something I can ask the school to help with, or is this something I'm expected to do as a parent? Is it out of their remit?

Before anyone suggests brownies or scouts etc she is very resistant, and they have a long waiting list anyway (I've put her on the list unknown to her despite her unwillingness).

Help?

Do it through your GP. If it’s affecting her now it’s best to do it ASAP.

Are school screening or an ASD team?

It was the HV

Schools can help, they run socially speaking groups and circle offerings groups. However, as has been mentioned the current climate is to focus entirely on academic subjects so as to meet targets so most schools will be reducing the amount of resources allocated to such groups.

Yikes, you need to see a doctor for an assessment. Some HVs are good but some don’t know their arse from their elbow. I wouldn’t trust them for such an important assessment.

I'm a TA, I run some activities for children that are struggling friendship wise, some with diagnosed SN, others just because we've noticed they need it. We just play games, or have lunch together but its organised games and lunches with a little more support, as the children start to grasp social skills I step back a bit until I can step back enough that they don't need me. Its definitely worth asking your SENCO about.

Alternatively, if the SENCO doesn't see the need for interventions as such, we have a fantastic dinner lady who will often get a group playing catching games and things like duck duck goose, she starts the game, gives it 5 minutes then says something like 'you guys carry on, I've got to go do x' and wanders off, so not a massive task but for a lot of children it is enough to just nudge them into playing together.

Could you encourage her to go to any lunch time clubs that the school offers (these are usually free), or after school clubs held at school (often a small charge)? They are not focused on social interaction, but may make it easier for your DD to interact with another child about what they are doing eg the lego model they are building, the bookmark they are sewing etc. It just gives them something to start up a conversation about.