Reception child; how much time do you spend a day / week doing learning stuff with them

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Dc2 is just finishing reception. He is young for his year but bright. He met all expectations and exceeded 2. However he did not do as well as ds1 at this age which surprises me. He is at the same reading level as they were(ort4) etc.
He reads to us about 5 x a week. Other than that we play the odd maths game and that is it.
A friend of mine in North London her DC2 is on ort 6 at end of reception, she has taught her all the phonics at home and she works with her about an hour every morning before school. They go to gh performing state school in N London.
Is everyone doing 'extra' work?

Everyone in North London/insert name of other very "pushy" area is probably doing extra work (and 6 extra curricular activities per week).

in most parts of the country parents stick to regular reading, playing games and taking their DC to a variety of different places (if possible).

What is the age gap between ds1 and 2? The curriculum and expectations for reception have changed a bit so they’re expected to be able to do more than they were a couple of years ago. That might account for the difference between them.

Otherwise if he’s got expected and some exceeding then that’s brilliant- he’s exactly where he should be for his age so sounds like you’re doing a great job!

Both my boys are where they need to be/ above expected and have good reports, I don't do much at home with them tbh, reading 3/4 times a week, occasionally we'll play a game, a lot of the time they do their own thing and play together, we do days out etc, I think about the same as everyone else at school. I think if they were struggling then I would input a lot more but they are at school all day the last thing I want to do is be forcing them to do more work at home, I want them to have some down time and relax too.

My daughter is starting reception in September, she knows most of her letters, can write her name but is nowhere near reading etc. I am a bit more involved with her, playing some number and letter games (a few times a week) to build her confidence with her alphabet, she loves to draw and we do lots of playdoh and fine motor skills to help her pencil control ready for school. She is a lot more into puzzles and drawing etc than the boys every were so she enjoys it but again it's not something I would force on her!

I haven't had dds report yet but she has read with me or DH every day during the school week. That's it!

I do think they are very young in reception so I feel they are little for being force fed. But also I don't want them to be disadvantaged.
The children are only 3 years apart so no big change in the curriculum.
I work full time so I don't have every evening after school and I don't like to turn our family time into a battle of extra work.
I've gone for the same strategy as with DC1 which is focus on reading first.
I just get the impression that other parents are doing much more

For reception, that sounds fine. And yes to taking them to a variety of different places.
I have two older kids too and I started doing more with them as they got older. They were doing about 45 mins a day on the weekdays and at least 20 minutes of reading by the time they were in yr 4.

Dunno what the equivalent ORT band to where DD2 is works out as - but DD2 was identified fairly early on as not being likely to make expected level and I did put a fair bit of gentle work in with her to make sure she didn't fall behind - just phonics games and practising the sounds she had covered to make sure they were solid there. Reading book every day (in a very "ish" sense of the word) and whatever fortnightly home-learning task they sent home.

I’m a reception TA and if a child reaches expected level of development by the end of the year then that is brilliant. Your ds isn’t going to be at a disadvantage- reading, playing, relaxing and time with you are all just as important as extracurricular activities. As teachers we want the children at school to be happy to be there!

If you really are concerned then speak to his teacher but I bet anything they will say he is absolutely fine and not to worry!

We read reception aged DDs reading books and then spend the rest of the time doing whatever we do.

At 5 they learn from everything they do. She's started to become more interested in money so we play shops quite a bit at the moment .

But I don't do any "schooling" with her. I've got a couple of works books for summer as she's quite bookish and will enjoy doing a couple of pages now and then.

Plus we've a loooooot of time to fill.

Is he happy and has he enjoyed school? Do he enjoy reading to you or is it a chore (often the school books - Biff and Chip etc are sooooo dull).
For the summer sign up to the Summer Reading Challenge at your library - he can choose whatever books he wants but if he doesn't seem interested in reading to you don't push it. Just read to him instead.
And pretty much everything else in life at that age is learning - going to be shops and figuring out which coin to use = maths etc. It's the summer. Focus on fun.

Also modern comics are essentially 'educational' work books full of activities and puzzles.

I would only do extra - if dc was falling behind.

Free play and fun activities is the best learning at that age. I would keep up the reading (whatever the DC enjoys reading) and the maths would come through cooking, or board games or playing shop or whatever the DC happened to enjoy. My DS enjoys writing postcards so we do that (and thank-you cards for gifts) etc) but I wouldn't force any workbooks etc at this age.

Reception DS1 is on grey reading band (post-reading tree). However he is not meeting expectations socially, so we're supporting him with his emotional issues

I listen to DD read every morning (5 mins). Occasionally school sends possible homework. Even more occasionally we bother to do it. That’s it.

I’m more focused on her social skills and being active.

My son is about to start reception in September and other than the reading and fun homework tasks being sent home, we won't be doing anything else formal with him.

Outside of nursery/school our focus is on his hobbies (dancing/swimming), plus lots of free play and getting fresh air outside (exploring, walking, bike rides etc)

Personally, I feel the system puts enough pressure on them at this young age and they should be allowed as much down time as possible.

And trust me, I live in a 'pushy' area, full of Grammar schools. There is plenty of time for all that!

We have only listened to my dd read most nights. In her case she likes writing things whilst I’m
Pottering about in the kitchen but I don’t teach her at all. Just let her carry on. As others have said the social side is the most important at this age. However, if my dd was struggling I would put in extra time to support her

Virtually everything you do with them at that age is 'learning'.
Going swimming. Going round the shops. Talking with adults. Playing in the garden. Watching TV. Building with lego / duplo. Listening to stories. Playing in sand. Playing in the paddling pool. Cooking. Letting them 'negotiate' with friends when they are playing. All the problem solving they do when playing. Stuff like understanding how forces work by playing on see saws and swings at the park. Working on co-ordination by going on the monkey bars, or kicking a ball around.
Giving your child a fun, balanced, happy life is going to be FAR better for them than filling their waking hours with forcing them through hoops or 'levels.

There is too much pressure and comparison in this country for young children. On the continent they do not start school until 6/7 and the education and achievement standards are usually much higher because they have been allowed to have a childhood and learn through play until school age. Family time, activities, reading and social skills are the most important at ages 4/5.