Help please having a woble re changing schools

[Nellia]

Hi posted on here previously but gave too much detail and was worried about being identified so had the thread deleted but really valued the advice given.

Essentially my dd attends a small one form entry primary where she was one of 5 girls. She didnt particulalry get along with them and felt lonely. School had changed a lot over the years, lots of families leaving for a variety of reasons yrs4/5 class being merged as not enough kids etc.

She desperarly wanted to change schools and after much discussion was offered a place in another school which is larger more diverse and better funded although academically in my opinion not as driven.

Her current school asked for time to turn things around re friendship groups which to my understandng consisted of explaining to her that not all kids can be well liked by everyone-which is fair enough. They also said they would work with other kids but no evidence of this. They felt that she did have friendships but just wanted to be the 'popular' girl- their words not mine. Should add that she used to have lots of school play dates but then these kids moved away and the remaining parents said this just wasnt something they had time for.

Anyhow her school report and sat scores show that she is doing extremely well in my opinion. At greater depth across all areas a scaled score of 115 across each area tested.

So Im now second guessing my decision.

If a child is doing well academically is it a very bad idea to change schools just on the grounds of friendships????

I don’t think it’s abkut friendships so much as about her happiness. Is she unhappy? What year is she in now?

Hi shes in yr2 now.
When this process came to light it was against the backdrop of constant complaining through out the year emerging in a full on angerfest at school where she broke her own stuff. Followed by tears at home and waking in the night saying she missed x and y who left over a couple of weeks.
Since discussions with school this has stopped but she still insists she wants to go despite numerous conversations around not being able to go back if the new school doesnt work out.

If she’s only Y2 then she’s got a long time ahead of her. The question for me would be whether she is truly unhappy and is likely to remain so, or is it a blip as she adjusts to her friends leaving.

Did it last year (dd1 was just coming out if reception and had made no friends plus other wobbles about lots of issues of concern in the school) - absolutely the best choice I ever made - I look at her now with this lovely group of friends she's made and she has absolutely blossomed there and the school is so much better too.

Absolutely zero regrets that I did it - would regret not doing it sooner but it was sheer luck the space had come up just as I was looking for one and they had space for both my kids - probably wouldn't have got them in now as they've since got an absolutely amazing Ofsted (there goes my usual avoidance of Outstanding schools down the drain...)

Our primary is also very small but we are lucky that DD1 was in a year of 17 and DS2 a year of 13. Some years only have 4 or 5 in total which I think is socially way too small.
We have 2 years in a class which helps socially.
Both our children very happy. Academically not doing as well as they could as the school and most parents not bothered with academic results.
We've had several issues with the school including the HT saying DD1 struggles to make friends and if we push her academically he could have mental health issues. Tis all bullshit. Our DC says she is happy and has lots of friends but of course we don't know what happens at school. Tbh neither does the head as they work part time and you hardly ever see them...
Meanwhile size of school has shrunk by 30% in last 4 years due to demographics and people moving to other schools.
We moved DD1 this year after much soul searching and worried she would miss her friends. She settled within a week and loves it. She hasn't been sad once since she moved. If she says she isn't happy at the school I think you have to believe her (it's hard to know what really going on..). Explain to her it's a one off move and she can't go back. Can she do a taster day at the new school?

I would put enjoying school and having friends above academic results.

I agree with Random there is more to school than academic success.

Friendships and happiness count for more - as a very wise teacher said to me 'If you don't have friends then the playground can be a very lonely place'

To my mind, good academic performance means there's more of a reason to change school, not less, as it would massively reduce the chance or impact of any fallback as they get settled into the new environment, and wouldn't break the rhythm of any interventions in place to deal with weaknesses.

The school are bound to not want your DD to go, they have a falling roll and your DD is at the able end. I moved my DC from a better academic school to a not so great academic school due to v small classes and problems with friendships.

TBH the "new" school is now in utter turmoil (dramatic down-turn) and although I have some guilt and regret, DS2 has continued to achieve really well academically (he's Yr6 and his SATs were brilliant). But most of all he has spent the last 3 years with a great group of children and it's done wonders for him socially.

There's no reason to think she won't do well academically in the bigger school. In the situation you describe, I wouldn't keep my DD at the small school just because the school wanted me to. You knew you wanted to move her, the size issue will only get worse if anything, move her now and she'll have the whole of KS2 ahead of her in a good school. Driven is not especially a quality I'd rate that highly at this age. As the head of a very sought-after, outstanding primary once said to me - the important things, in order, are that the children are safe, happy, and learn something.

My daughter was unhappy when her friends left in year 2 and into year 3 her quality of work deteriorated. She also had some low level bullying and was generally sad and lonely. I moved her at the end of year 3 and I have absolutely no regrets in doing so. She is thriving at her new school and about to go into year 6 with a lovely group of friends. A bigger school will give her more friendship options, if you have the opportunity to make her happier I would go for it.

5 girls is simply not enough. If several want to be a queen bee then there is a problem in this group. Your DD will inevitably get caught up in this and I tend to think leaders are often the bright children with personality. The school probably isn’t wrong about her personality at school but she needs a bigger pond.

She’s old enough to understand the move to a new school has a no return ticket and she may well find far better friendship opportunities and her place in school life. Just get on and do it because, unless the new school is rubbish (and I assume you have checked this out) she’s very unlikely to crash and burn in KS2. Friendships and happiness should mean she will continue to do well and find more and more at school that interests her so she has a broad education.

Thank you all for the comments.
@BubblesBuddy that was exactly the conclusion Ive come to.
Its reassuring to see this as I had a tendancy to think the school are the educators and they know best but seeing
alternative viewpoints has helped stop my wobble 😊

Just get her settled in and invite any new friends round to play if that’s possible. She’s bound to be offered a buddy so she’ll be fine. Good luck.