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Social pressure over wrong school

12 replies

Beba11 · 10/07/2018 22:06

I'm sure I've posted about this before as I've been in circles over this subject. My boys have been in school A nursery for a year and doing really well. The infants is outstanding and I am happy with how the teachers have been with them (they are twins). They have listened to all my concerns and boys seem really happy there. However, what puts me off is there are some people in the area who avoid this school because the junior school had a bad time a few years back. Even though it has improved and there is a new head making great progress and change, it still really affects me when to some people I mention the school name and they have that look as if 'isn't that a bad school?' Sometimes when people ask what school they go to I feel nervous in waiting for the reaction as it's either 'oh that's a nice school' or I see the opposite look where I know from their face they've heard the bad stories from the past.
What makes it worse is there is another school 'B' nearby that is much more reputable, with better results and is a lot more middle class. I feel guilty that I didn't chose this school. I feel that I have done something wrong for my boys. Admittedly there are people on my street who go to both. Those that go to my school A really like it and feel it offers a more rounded education, but others who go to school 'B' give the impression that they wouldn't dare send their kid to school A! I know I shouldn't be upset but it does affect me knowing there are people who think badly of school A living on my road. Should I change schools to B?

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PerspicaciaTick · 10/07/2018 22:14

I think you need to toughen up and have confidence in your own decision making. You have current, up to date, positive experience of the school you have chosen. You children are happy at the nursery. You are happy with the staff. Ignore random acquaintances opinions which are based on knowing less than you about the school's current situation.

MerryMarigold · 10/07/2018 22:18

I really wouldn't move them because of your own insecurities. It's a massive upheaval for no good reason. If you don't get on with any parents at school A, ibid say that's a problem, but if teachers/ relationships all good then why move?

Zodlebud · 11/07/2018 07:48

My local school B had a change of head, staff left in droves and lost it’s OFSTED outstanding rating in two years. It’s now the school in town you don’t want your kids to go to.

It never had any outside space, the buildings are pokey, very religious and just didn’t seem at all child friendly when we went to see it. Now all of a sudden all these things that put us off are legitimate and being used by the masses. Go figure!!

RedSkyLastNight · 11/07/2018 07:52

So people who have no actual connection with the school half remember a story from a few years ago and tout it out as fact?
And although you actually have DC at the school you think they know more than you do?

Your response is "oh no, that was years ago, the school is completely different now and my DC are doing really well. Funny how these ridiculous reputations stick to schools". Accompanied by tinkly laugh if necessary.

Didiplanthis · 11/07/2018 08:30

My dc have been at school during it's nose dive. Loads of children leaving no one joining. Only ofsted RI school in the area. VERY sneery parents from other schools and it's a local joke. I've done lots of soul searching as on paper I am letting my children down leaving them there. BUT they are happy and doing well academically, we have a new head starting in September who seems great and I feel very positive about it all. My only concern is it's a very small school and the falling roll may make it financially unviable if numbers don't pick up. Ignore the doubters if it's the right school for you.

MrsScrubbingbrush · 11/07/2018 08:46

Slightly different scenario. I have twin girls (12) we let them both have a say in which secondary school they went to. Both are of a similar academic level.

DD1 chose an Ofsted outstanding school which has an emphasis on STEM subjects and is top of the list for most parents in our area.

DD2 chose an Ofsted good school which was more arts/drama/music oriented. It did have a 'bad' reputation a few years ago but a new Head has turned it around. When people found out they asked me and DD2 if she was on the waiting list for DD1's school and thought it strange that she hadn't wanted to go there.

By the end of her first term there the school had had an Ofsted inspection and was now rated outstanding too.

So, one in the eye for all those who queried our decision.

If you are happy with your choice then ignore the naysayers.

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 11/07/2018 09:26

My kids are at a fab infants school but the junior school lost its way a bit for a few years and had a bad Ofsted. It dropped the numbers a bit in the infants (was gleefully capitalised on by a rival primary academy who are trying to expand relentlessly) - but the juniors has turned it around, is back getting Good Ofsteds and I honestly wasn't worried by the local area trashtalking (see the expanding academy - their parents were forever running any other school down on social media) the juniors.

I don't personally like the academy trust the rival school is part of, and I tend to think that there's so much of their parents sitting there mouthing off about how amazing their school is and how crap the other schools are... why? If you're happy - you're happy - or are you running the other school down so much because you're insecure in your own choices?!

mummyhaschangedhername · 11/07/2018 09:42

Mine are in a good school, it has a really good reputation, however, for me it boils down to how it deals with my children. I am less concerned with ratings and past experiences and more in how the currently treat and work with my children. I moved to get this school as our last one was shocking. They have treated all my children as individuals and dealt with all their needs differently. I have twins too. Mine were separated and they have talked to be every year and asked my opinion on if I keep them apart etc. I have as it works best for them but I could equally shoe requested they stay together. One of my twins has special needs and another or my children also does, I have 4 in total.

The secondary has good ratings but I've heard rumours it isn't good with special needs. I'm going to wait and see. It isn't permanent, if there is any issues I can switch schools.

INeedNewShoes · 11/07/2018 09:50

Often the schools that have been in a bad place in the past end up being very very good schools indeed as they get the investment, get the really good leaders sent in as head teachers and have a complete turn around as they're staffed by teachers who are rallied and committed to improving things.

Snowysky20009 · 11/07/2018 10:12
  1. are your children happy?
  2. are they progressing well?
  3. do the school work with the parents, listen to your concerns etc?

If the answer is yes to all of the above, why move them?

TeenTimesTwo · 11/07/2018 11:28

The only thing that seems to be putting you off is the attitude of others.

I'd be tempted to start going on the offensive.
Q. What school do your DC go to?
A. XXX. I know it had a bad reputation a few years ago but the new head has massively improved it and I'm really happy.

School Reputations take a long time to change - in both directions. Sensible people make decisions on where to send their children on what a school is like now, not what it was like 10 years ago.

Beba11 · 11/07/2018 14:54

Thank you all.
I'm very grateful for al your great feedback.
Yes my boys are happy, they are progressing and the teachers are really amazing with my concerns. I do need to toughen up, definitely and stand up to people's comments.
I guess it's just the fact that we invested so much moving to a nicer area with good schools so it's almost like I feel I 'should' chose the one that is historically more reputable. I chose school A for it's outstanding infants but at the time as we were new did not know about the bad juniors two years ago. I know it's first world problems but feel like its so hard choosing

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