Reception child behind peers

[Lindtnotlint]

Hello! First world problem coming up...

My DD is in a lovely, well-regarded selective prep school (it’s obviously largely nonsense selecting at 3/4, just wanted to give context on the peer group).

She is behind her class at the end of reception: just went on to yellow band and most are two bands further ahead; she is struggling with numeracy and things like confusing 12 and 20; writing is really very very rough and ready with all different sizes, no spaces between words and lots of inversions of letters, crazy spellings etc (much more so than others who are starting to make a semi-decent stab at stuff). She’s (I guess?) a bit behind average on national expectations, but really quite a bit behind her peer group in this relatively “advanced” school.

The teachers have spoken to us and say she is working hard and making progress, but that she is clearly less progressed than others. Looking at the work on the walls of others vs her display work it would seem clear she is the “weakest” in her class.

I am trying to help at home and doing all the usual things of reading lots with her etc. I find it all a bit difficult as we have been a very “academic” family and it’s hard not to feel envious of the kids/parents who are sailing through reception with no problems.

It’s made more tricky by the fact she is also a bit of an awkward fish - doesn’t really make friends easily, quite clingy, gets upset in public more than others... so it’s not like she is a happy go lucky little person loving life and just taking her time with the academic stuff.

She’s wonderful. I love her so much. But it all feels a bit bleak when school is one thing after another where she is “bad” at it relative to everyone around her. She isn’t really very aware of it (which is great) but I of course am.

I know it will probably come good in time (and am totally ok with a world where she is just about “in the pack” - not at all worried about her “competing” with the others - just it’s rubbish always being the last/worst). But also worried it might not fix itself or might get worse and then we have to face into the school choice etc etc. Moving school would be a nightmare as she really likes it, and we have other kids.

Words of wisdom? Tips to help me and/or her cope with the experience? (Other than that I should just get over myself, which I sort of know but is very hard to actually do!!)

You sound like a sensible parent, which is really important. I will say she is really little, and if that class seems able in general it's important to remember she isn't that far behind national standard. It may be a case of that it hasn't quite clicked for her yet. Is she young in the class? Talk of her being clingy etc made me wonder. Tbqh I would be more interested in any social issues than the academic at this age.

Also important to remember that even though you're an academic family, she may end up just being average academically, and theres nothing wrong with that. You seem to know this anyway but it's important to keep in mind.

I would keep going on the reading lots at home - you can also include her reading aloud by alternating reading one page, then she does a page, then you do a page iyswim. Ask her lots of questions about the book, loads of sample comprehension questions available online. I would use read aloud CDs too. Reading eggs, Starfall etc could be handy but check in with the class teacher as to what she thinks would be most suitable and in line with their class work.

Writing - lots of motor skills activities to build up muscles and dexterity in her hands. Again, loads of these available online. You can include loads of simple writing in everyday life - thank you cards, postcards, help write a shopping list etc. Some fancy writing materials can help make it very appealing for her.

Number: lots of oral maths questions - "how many ice creams do we need for everyone, what if Daddy doesn't want one?" etc. You could watch a bit of Numberjacks with her.

I think the key is to make it fun, loads of games and interesting activities.

Just to answer the point on age: she is relatively young in the year but there are a couple who are even younger who are of course doing fine!!

My DS3 is in reception and a bit behind and he did struggle to settle. He does have SN so I was expecting it but I still worry!

I think you've had great advice above, the only other thing I have to add is eye test/hearing test just to make sure there's no issues there. I have an older child who struggled with school for different reasons. I think keeping a close eye to make sure she doesn't become disengaged/disheartened is something to watch out for, which you're already doing.

My son is at a non- selective prep that has the best results after at 11+ in the county. he just moved to red book band, his hand writing is barely ledgible. his spelling is great though, and he's good with numbers. teachers are not concerned, they think he'll catch up in year 1 all by himself.

My dd is also in a (non selective) prep. Some of this is definitely age related. My daughter is flying with reading (she has just read me a chapter of rainbow fairies), so academically "able". But she is 4. Her writing is very rudimentary - different sizes, random capitals, doesn't start a new line and just writes over herself, no finger gaps etc. Regularly gets 12/20 mixed up. Can't reliably read numbers over 20 without some prompting. But then there are girls in her class who are 20% older than she is! It's easier for me to be relaxed because she is the "best" reader in the class, so obviously not an ability issue, and I am convinced an age issue. Infact writing has suddenly jumped on at school (but no improvement at all at home!) so I think just needed some fine motor maturity.

You also have to wonder how much work some of these kids do at home. In a selective prep school there will definitely be some parents doing workbooks etc at home which will emphasise the gap. Which again makes it a "practice" issue rather than an ability issue. Our girls will get there (hopefully having had a lovely relaxed start to school life!)

OP, I work in a state school as a Reception teacher and nothing you’ve written here would particularly concern me. This is all very normal for a Reception child - being able to control letter size is exceeding, confusing 12 and 20 is very common and most of them still write phonetically, with some very interesting spelling going on. I wouldn’t say she’s behind at all. Clearly your DD’s school has very high expectations. She might be a bit behind her peers at that school but she’s doing well compared to national expectations. Please don’t worry about it.

Yellow is where our school expect them to be by the end of Reception.

As for work on the walls looking the worst - DD2's does - but it's a very clear (diagnosed) SEN issue making recording very hard for her and verbally she is pretty damned capable... I just have to grit my teeth and let classroom displays and awfully scrawly workbooks wash over me! She was in danger of dropping behind slightly so I just did a fairly slow and consistent push on with the reading and it's really helped spur her on (I did Dancing Bears when I remembered and made sure she read something vaguely around her level every day - even if it was just picking decodable words out of a bedtime story book)

My DD was exactly the same, i did not worry about it as they all learn at different rates, by the end of year 1 she had caught up with her peers, she is now year 6 and is doing wonderfully,

Dd finished yr r able to read band 11 and higher.
What i did was reading chest from the feb. And because i was in control of the levels we were able to work several above what school were giving. I think the stretching is important and it dd progress does show that a strategy of several books a week of more difficult writing is better than 2 books a week at an easy level.
In the summer term i started reading the real books at the book band levels.
Over the summer we did the book people collection of project x books.

The younger ones are not just younger, missing a year of stories/going to the park etc the fact they are more tired all adds up.

It does sound like a tough year to compare her against. It may also be the case that lots of those children were heavily trained at home so their progress at the moment may be inflated.

Yellow is the average for the end of reception in a non-selective school. By being selective all your school has done is refuse to admit any children who will make less than average progress. Et voila, your dd is now bottom of the class. Well, someone has to be but in your case I'd not worry about it.

Thanks for the reassurance. Annoyingly I don’t think it is anything we are doing/not doing - she gets lots of support at home - it’s just her brain isn’t quite ready for all this stuff vs what her peer group is like.

:-(