Can I get the school to keep DS with his friend in reception?

[fridayschild]

This is the opposite question I think to another thread about pre-school friendships. Our first choice primary school was over-subscribed so DS1, his best friend and another boy from nursery are all going to a different school in September for reception.

DS1 didn't settle well at his first nursery, though he liked the current one straight away, so we have (probably too many) worries about moving to the new school. I was relaxing in the thought that at least he would be with his friends at the new place, and he's too young to have heard of SATs results or OFSTED inspections.

However I now discover that because DS1 is an April baby, and his best friend is an October baby, they will be split up in September - DS1 will go afternoons only, and his friend will go mornings only till January. With this timing they cannot even do play dates in the week! Then in January DS1 switches to mornings only and his friend goes up to full days. Finally after Easter they both do full days together. This is the first year the school has tried such a complicated arrangement. I think previously DS1 would have done an extra term in nursery.

There is an open evening at the school after half term. Does anyone have any ideas about whether we will be able to keep the friends together? People have said on the other thread that friendships change very quickly at that age, but DS1 has been pretty clear since the end of his first week who his favourite friend is. My real concern is helping him to settle in.

Well, my motto is if you don't ask you can't get.

You've got nothing to lose by asking, providing that if the answer is no, after due consideration of the reasons for your request, you accept it gracefully.

It's a difficult one. Ds1 was at the nursery attached to his school and when they went into Reception he was separated from one boy that he really liked. At the introduction to school they had before the summer hols ds was distraught and just clung to me when we went to see his new classroom. I asked the Nursery staff about moving him to be with his friend and they said I could ask for that but they said he will most probably settle in fine.

It's true that having friends together makes the early days easier but in a way this may also prevent new friendships from forming. I actually thought it would be good for ds to learn to adapt.

Settling in is often difficult but most children do manage and it is a good lesson to learn.

When they are this young the whole friendship doesnt mean anything. This other little person is just a pleasant distraction.

You still have play dates after nursery, my god we did, always off somewhere for tea.

He will move on and probably benefit from not having a crutch.

why do you think children's friendships dont mean anything? children are people you know..... do your friendships mean anything? at what age do they mean anything

Ask children that have been moved around by family for work. Change of school, homes etc. Half the time they dont even remember.

I think the age that they pick their friends for themselves and not by what their parents think fit with the requirements.

This starts around 6, 7, 8 depending on the childs maturity.

Can't agree with you on that one TL. My dd1's closest friend is the one she hooked up with in reception and they're now in Y5. Other friends come and go but these two stay the same.

Hhm, I'm not so sure Tenalady. My youngest DD really suffered from our lack of foresight on this. She'd loved nursery but had taken a while to settle in. When it came to Reception all her particular friends stayed at that school and DD went with a small groups of others to our primary school where her older sister was. We live within spitting distance of our primary and DS was just 12 months by then, and it was just easier and didn't occur to me that DD2 wouldn't have a blast like DD1 did. The school has 2 reception classes (20 in each class) and put all the children from her nursery together. Unfortunately, of the 5 who went with DD, 2 girls were firm best friends (and very exclusive) and the other 3 were boys who were football mad. There were 3 or 4 out-of-school friends in the same year, but these children were in the other class. I really, really, really wish now that I had asked for DD2 to be changed into the other class - the reason I didn't was because I thought it was CC policy not to change classes (lots of parents in Nursery had asked for children to be swapped between am and pm nursery groups and been told (in no uncertain terms) no!) .

With hindsight what I should have done is left DD2 in her Nursery school - it wasn't that far anyway and her dad could have dropped her off in the mornings! And, tbh, situation wasn't helped by fact that in her class there were a large bunch of girly girls who created a big girly gang. DD2 not girly at all, and at playtimes she had her older sister to play with - DD1 and her friends were (and still are) a fabulous bunch who didn't really mind a younger sibling tagging along. Didn't help much when DD1 went up to Juniors though and DD1 had whole year of not playing with anyone (apparently - I'm sure some of it was a good ruse to get mummy's unidivided attention! Though I did used to help out and see her wandering around on her own quite a lot.)

Not helping much I know, but if you think your DS would be happier with his friend, I'd ask the school if he could change to the am slot, then when his friend changes to full days he could do the pm slot if he did find full days too tiring.

We do have a happy ending though - once DD2 went up to Juniors her old buddies turned up she was much happier. There are friendship issues in the year as a whole though - the girly gang can be quite dominating and as DD1 and her friends (both girls and boys) get flak from the girly gang and the football boys.

Gawd took so long to post the thread nearly doubled!!!!

We wanted DS2 to be in the class (three classes) at nursery with the children that were going to their particular primary. (The nursery is a feeder for a different primary) and there were only about 7 children going to my son's primary school into a class of 15, but the nursery refused.

I think he suffered slightly, in that there were two lads in each of the other classes who have remained good friends, and my lad, whilst friends with all of them, doesn't have the same bond and did feel a bit out on a limb for a while. I think the two girls were put in the same class too, and they are still very close, now they're in yr5.

It's not a great issue, because they do go on to form other friendships, but it would have made transition easier.

my advice fridayschild FWIW, is to speak to the head and ask. Explain that LO has had previous trouble settling and that you are doing all you can to prevent this happening. The very worse they can do is say "Sorry but no" in which case you wont be any worse off than you are now.

Good luck, hope it all works out ok for you.

Obviously I don't know your ds but they are only going to be apart for one term.

During that term they can still meet up after school finishes.

Of course you should ask if you feel it will be an issue but expect a refusal because if they do it for you they may have to do it for others!

Thanks for all this sound advice. I think friends do matter even when you're only 4.5.

I think I will gang up with the best friend's mum and we will ask together. She can be quite scary I think Maybe her terribly old 4 year old could survive a term in the afternoon class with my baby, if moving DS1 to mornings was difficult.

I should add that my DS didnt settle in pre-school at all. in fact it resulted in him only going about 3 sessions for the half term before he went to school!

He was very popular (he was very emabrrassed by this and hated any other child saying hello to him)and ALL his pre-school friends were in the other class when they went to school but he settled instantly and loved it. He also loved making new friends (which had been as issue previously.)

Kids always surprise us

My son currently attends preschool nursery and starts school at the same place in September. It is quite a forward thinking school and we have requested that he isn't put in a class with one particular boy who bullies him (and others, but my son is quite sensitive) they have agreed to this but also put children in classes together who have a nice friendship.

Reason being that they have less children to worry about settling in etc. We are lucky that our school has a 90 reception intake so 3 reception classes.

I find the set up of the afternoon and mornings thing a bit strange. Yes there is a noticable difference in my son and his friend -she is September and he is June, but he is so ready to go to school for a full day. How much learning and fun will they miss out on?